Do you ever get so fed up with all the toys lying around? This is the inside story of my drastic decision to take my kids’ toys away.
As some of you already know, I’ve been on a mission this year to simplify my family’s life and rid ourselves of excess. Over the course of the past nine months I have probably given away about 75 percent of my girls’ toys, keeping only the items that I felt encouraged their imagination and that they actually played with. I thought I was doing pretty good.
Even so, there were warning signs that my kids still had too much stuff. In June, we took a field trip to Reptile World in Orlando. Afterwards we decided it would be fun to take the girls to dinner at a dinosaur-themed restaurant called T-Rex in Downtown Disney. While we were waiting to be seated my oldest daughter Maggie spotted the Build-a-Dino Workshop in the gift shop and although we immediately said “no way,” from that moment on she could think of nothing else.
All through our delicious dinner, surrounded by dramatic (fake) meteor showers and animatronic dinosaurs, she fixated on the one thing she couldn’t have rather than the cool sights we were actually experiencing.
On the three hour drive home, Husband and I–seriously concerned by our daughter’s inability to enjoy the moment–made a point to talk about all the neat stuff we had seen, what our favorite reptiles were, and how funny Trouble had been holding the snake. By the time we made it home the Build-a-Dino had been forgotten. At least by her. But we were worried.
In the weeks that followed, Chuck and I talked a lot about how we were going to handle this lack of contentment we were noticing. Then one morning near the end of July, after telling my kids to clean their room for the umpteenth time, I made the somewhat impulsive–albeit pre-warned–decision to take away ALL their stuff.
Just 2 days earlier I had spent half the day cleaning their room & re-organizing their toys and closet, which is something I do fairly regularly. I wasn’t asking them to clean some giant out-of-control mess, just to pick up a few items off the floor and put them away in the very clearly labeled baskets. Every time I came back to check on them, they had not only NOT picked up, they had made an even bigger mess.
I finally gave up and took it all away. I wasn’t angry, just fed up. I calmly began packing up not just a toy or two, but every single thing. All their dress-up clothes, baby dolls, Polly Pockets, & stuffed animals, all their Barbies, building blocks, and toy trains, right down to the the furniture from their dollhouse and play food from their kitchen. I even took the pretty Pottery Barn Kids comforter from their bed. The girls watched me in stunned silence for a few minutes and then, when the shock wore off, they helped. And just like that, their room was clear.
I had no idea what a dramatic difference this one semi-impulsive decision would make in all our lives. I first started noticing a real change about 4 weeks later when we took a family trip to Key West.
In contrast to our last outing and for the first time ever, neither girl asked us to buy a single thing the entire weekend. Not a toy, not a cheesy souvenir, not a light-up necklace from a passing street vendor. Nothing. We passed hundreds of shops and they loved looking in the window, but they were content just to be. What was most amazing to me was that we didn’t talk to them about it ahead of time. Not once did we have to tell them not to ask, or explain that being together was what mattered.
Had I not experienced it with my own eyes, I would’ve never believed that an addiction to stuff could be broken that quickly. The truth is that when I took all their stuff away, I was terrified at what would happen. I worried that I was scarring them for life, depriving them of some essential developmental need, taking away their ability to self-entertain.
In reality, the opposite has happened. Instead of being bored, they seem to have no shortage of things to do. Their attention span is much longer and they are able to mindfully focus on their task at hand. They color or read for hours at a time and happily spend the entire afternoon playing hide & seek or pretend.
They are far more content, able to appreciate the blessings that they do have, and able to truly enjoy the moment they are in without always having to move on to the next thing. They are more creative and patient, more willing to share, far more empathetic towards the plight of others, and, with little to fight over, they hardly fight at all.
When I do take down a toy for them to play with (no, I didn’t throw everything away), such as their Lego blocks or dress-up clothes or or their kitchen food & dishes, that one thing will entertain them for the entire day. (The rest has more or less been forgotten and will soon make it’s way from the attic to the Goodwill pile.)
What I love even more is that they are able to recognize excess on their own. Aside from a favorite stuffed animal and the comforter on their bed, (which they both earned back), neither of them actually want their toys back on a permanent basis. They like not being overwhelmed by stuff and not having to spend so much time cleaning their room. In fact, later that very same day, as we drove to gymnastics class, Maggie said it’s okay that we don’t have any more toys Mommy. We can just read and use our imaginations. And now we won’t have to clean up every day. She understood before I did that more stuff doesn’t make us happier.
When I first became a mom I was so happy to have a chance to start over, to undo through my children all the wrong that was done to me, to give them everything I felt I had missed out on. I wanted our lives to be perfect, and my vision of perfection included a perfectly decorated bedroom filled with beautiful things, a life where they would want for nothing.
I equated giving them stuff with making them happy, a message that our consumer driven culture hammers into our psyches from the time we our born. Oh, what a lie!
I started this blog because I am a shopaholic, and there are so many times where I buy things when I am bored or unhappy, just to fill the void. My husband laughs at me (and sometimes throws up his hand in frustration) because although I talk a good game about wanting to downsize and get rid of stuff, in reality there are still many times where I just can’t help myself from buying more.
I justify it, telling myself it was on sale or a really good deal, or something we really needed, or that I deserve it because I work so hard. In reality it is just another thing I am trying to buy to solve a problem that runs much deeper.
Stuff isn’t evil in and of itself, but in a world where we are constantly told that what we have isn’t quite good enough, the love of things can so very easily consume us. It is the pursuit of it all–more toys, cuter clothes, a prettier house, a nicer car, a bigger computer, a fancier phone–that makes us forget all the things that actually matter.
It wasn’t until after observing first hand the real and immediate changes in my children after taking their toys away that I truly began to understand. And now instead of me teaching them, they have taught me the lesson I wish I would’ve have learned a long time ago.
For our family, there’s no turning back.
Have you heard the news? It’s the 12th Anniversary of our LWSL Holiday Planner! For…
LWSL & Co. Favorite 5 It seems crazy that it's fall already, but we can…
Lisa's Favorite 5 I'm a busy wife, mom, and gigi, so I'm all about finding…
Feeling like your finances are out of control can be downright scary. Don't miss these…
Amanda's Favorite 5 Do you spend so much time pouring into everyone else in your…
Danny's Favorite 5 Need some gift ideas for the Dads in your life? I've got…
Simplify your life in just 3 simple steps. Get our Living Well Starter Guide, absolutely free!
View Comments
How terrifying for your children! The only reason they didn't ask for something on the second trip is because the last time they asked for something you took every single one of their possessions away! They read quietly for hours because its' all they can do!
Kids aren't adults. They're children. They don't think like adults because they can't think like adults. You're a horrible person. I hope your children grow up normal despite all your efforts.
I have no idea why so many people on this page are agreeing with you because this is just awful. Your children are going to grow up and realize that you're a controlling clean freak. They're going to realize that you and your husband are not normal parents. That picture of her room is boring. That's what you want. Not what your daughter wants. Of course there are limits and times you have to say no but taking away all their toys is nothing less than repulsive and disgusting. I don't believe for a single second that your kids were fine with this or that they're happy. They didn't ask you to buy anything on the next trip because it was obvious you wouldn't buy them anything. You should be ashamed and one day you'll realize your kids want nothing to do with you anymore.
I think this is great! My kids don't use many toys anymore, but use lots of craft supplies. I hope you're not actually donating to Goodwill, though. They are not non-profit. 0% of their profits go to charity.
You were minimalist before it was the "on trend" thing to do. Go mom! Seriously though, I keep coming back to this post because it is so good. I thought I did an okay job of taking away toys, but alas, we too have attitude, not wanting to clean, etc. We will be culling more soon.
My husband changed dramatically towards me, doesn't communicate anymore. He disrespects me and accuses me falsely of infidelity because of wicked gossip …but I’m simply AMAZED at the results of this spell Dr Mack performed for me. Everything is going so well and EXACTLY how he said it would be. Even though it took 5 days to fully progress, it was so worth it because things are just about at perfection! How he took my situation and completely turned it around to give me exactly what I wanted is beyond me, but something I will never question and just be completely grateful, God Bless Dr Mack for helping so many people get what their lover back. Dr Mack truly gifted! . you can also contact him for help as well dr_mack@yahoo. com …
As someone who works in early childhood development, this article was absolutely abhorrent to read. It is obvious this parent knows nothing about how children develop or the benefits of play, how children develop, and the longterm damage she has done to her children. I am literally disgusted that so many people agree with this.
Do parents these days not actually do research before they have children? At all? Do they not even bother looking into what it takes to raise a child in a way where they are emotionally enriched?
What you have taught your children is that they cannot trust you with anything significant to them, that they can not show you what they really care or want about, because if they show too much attachment, there is a chance you will take it away. You have shown them that you do not respect their needs or wants, their property, their personal space. You have shown them that they cannot have no bodily autonomy.
If you think that children don't comprehend these things at that age, you are horribly misguided. If you think this won't lead to lasting issues between your children as they grow older, prepare to be disappointed.
Hey, great site, speaking of Word-press plugins can anybody recommend a easy to install Click-bank plugin? A cheap plugin would be awesome - Best wishes
Hello! Quick question that's completely off topic. Do you know how to make your site mobile friendly? My web site looks weird when browsing from my iphone 4. I'm trying to find a template or plugin that might be able to resolve this issue. If you have any suggestions, please share. Thanks!|
Just like you and me, if I'm walking I can easily
walk for an hour. When a person decorates his home, his goals normally reach the outdoor part of the property.
All roads should now be leading to the Yosemite National
Park in California's Mariposa County.
Ruth,
I just stumbled upon this article today. I found your honesty refreshing, and how you handled the excess situation as sheer brilliance! I too am dealing with the excess issue. My youngest has more toys than he remembers, and is always wanting more. Before discovering your article, I had previously taken his Kindle, XBox and TV time away with only a half hour allowance in the evening after school, chores, judo classes, etc. I also either deduct time or increase time depending on attitude and willingness to do more than what's expected. Basically, it's become an earned privilege. Since I have read this article, I am now inspired to downsize his toy menagerie considerably and just keep the couple things he plays with. We have an extensive library of books and art supplies here at the house, so this will be his motivator to go "old school" like us 40+ year olds had to do "back in the day." Again, I appreciate your insight and honesty. You have gained a new visitor to your blog. Thanks for you!