Why I Took My Kids' Toys Away and Why They Won't Get Them Back

Do you ever get so fed up with all the toys lying around? This is the inside story of my drastic decision to take my kids’ toys away.

As some of you already know, I’ve been on a mission this year to simplify my family’s life and rid ourselves of excess. Over the course of the past nine months I have probably given away about 75 percent of my girls’ toys, keeping only the items that I felt encouraged their imagination and that they actually played with. I thought I was doing pretty good.

Even so, there were warning signs that my kids still had too much stuff. In June, we took a field trip to Reptile World in Orlando. Afterwards we decided it would be fun to take the girls to dinner at a dinosaur-themed restaurant called T-Rex in Downtown Disney. While we were waiting to be seated my oldest daughter Maggie spotted the Build-a-Dino Workshop in the gift shop and although we immediately said “no way,” from that moment on she could think of nothing else.

All through our delicious dinner, surrounded by dramatic (fake) meteor showers and animatronic dinosaurs, she fixated on the one thing she couldn’t have rather than the cool sights we were actually experiencing.

On the three hour drive home, Husband and I–seriously concerned by our daughter’s inability to enjoy the moment–made a point to talk about all the neat stuff we had seen, what our favorite reptiles were, and how funny Trouble had been holding the snake. By the time we made it home the Build-a-Dino had been forgotten. At least by her. But we were worried.

The Breaking Point

In the weeks that followed, Chuck and I talked a lot about how we were going to handle this lack of contentment we were noticing. Then one morning near the end of July, after telling my kids to clean their room for the umpteenth time, I made the somewhat impulsive–albeit pre-warned–decision to take away ALL their stuff.

Just 2 days earlier I had spent half the day cleaning their room & re-organizing their toys and closet, which is something I do fairly regularly. I wasn’t asking them to clean some giant out-of-control mess, just to pick up a few items off the floor and put them away in the very clearly labeled baskets. Every time I came back to check on them, they had not only NOT picked up, they had made an even bigger mess.

Why I Took My Kids’ Toys Away (& Why They Won’t Get Them Back)

I finally gave up and took it all away. I wasn’t angry, just fed up. I calmly began packing up not just a toy or two, but every single thing. All their dress-up clothes, baby dolls, Polly Pockets, & stuffed animals, all their Barbies, building blocks, and toy trains, right down to the the furniture from their dollhouse and play food from their kitchen. I even took the pretty Pottery Barn Kids comforter from their bed. The girls watched me in stunned silence for a few minutes and then, when the shock wore off, they helped. And just like that, their room was clear.

The Paradigm Shift

I had no idea what a dramatic difference this one semi-impulsive decision would make in all our lives. I first started noticing a real change about 4 weeks later when we took a family trip to Key West.

In contrast to our last outing and for the first time ever, neither girl asked us to buy a single thing the entire weekend. Not a toy, not a cheesy souvenir, not a light-up necklace from a passing street vendor. Nothing. We passed hundreds of shops and they loved looking in the window, but they were content just to be. What was most amazing to me was that we didn’t talk to them about it ahead of time. Not once did we have to tell them not to ask, or explain that being together was what mattered.

Had I not experienced it with my own eyes, I would’ve never believed that an addiction to stuff could be broken that quickly. The truth is that when I took all their stuff away, I was terrified at what would happen. I worried that I was scarring them for life, depriving them of some essential developmental need, taking away their ability to self-entertain.

So…what happened??

In reality, the opposite has happened. Instead of being bored, they seem to have no shortage of things to do. Their attention span is much longer and they are able to mindfully focus on their task at hand. They color or read for hours at a time and happily spend the entire afternoon playing hide & seek or pretend.

They are far more content, able to appreciate the blessings that they do have, and able to truly enjoy the moment they are in without always having to move on to the next thing. They are more creative and patient, more willing to share, far more empathetic towards the plight of others, and, with little to fight over, they hardly fight at all.

When I do take down a toy for them to play with (no, I didn’t throw everything away), such as their Lego blocks or dress-up clothes or or their kitchen food & dishes, that one thing will entertain them for the entire day. (The rest has more or less been forgotten and will soon make it’s way from the attic to the Goodwill pile.)

What I love even more is that they are able to recognize excess on their own. Aside from a favorite stuffed animal and the comforter on their bed, (which they both earned back), neither of them actually want their toys back on a permanent basis. They like not being overwhelmed by stuff and not having to spend so much time cleaning their room. In fact, later that very same day, as we drove to gymnastics class, Maggie said it’s okay that we don’t have any more toys Mommy. We can just read and use our imaginations. And now we won’t have to clean up every day. She understood before I did that more stuff doesn’t make us happier.

No turning back

When I first became a mom I was so happy to have a chance to start over, to undo through my children all the wrong that was done to me, to give them everything I felt I had missed out on. I wanted our lives to be perfect, and my vision of perfection included a perfectly decorated bedroom filled with beautiful things, a life where they would want for nothing.

I equated giving them stuff with making them happy, a message that our consumer driven culture hammers into our psyches from the time we our born. Oh, what a lie!

I started this blog because I am a shopaholic, and there are so many times where I buy things when I am bored or unhappy, just to fill the void. My husband laughs at me (and sometimes throws up his hand in frustration) because although I talk a good game about wanting to downsize and get rid of stuff, in reality there are still many times where I just can’t help myself from buying more.

I justify it, telling myself it was on sale or a really good deal, or something we really needed, or that I deserve it because I work so hard. In reality it is just another thing I am trying to buy to solve a problem that runs much deeper.

Stuff isn’t evil in and of itself, but in a world where we are constantly told that what we have isn’t quite good enough, the love of things can so very easily consume us. It is the pursuit of it all–more toys, cuter clothes, a prettier house, a nicer car, a bigger computer, a fancier phone–that makes us forget all the things that actually matter.

It wasn’t until after observing first hand the real and immediate changes in my children after taking their toys away that I truly began to understand. And now instead of me teaching them, they have taught me the lesson I wish I would’ve have learned a long time ago.

For our family, there’s no turning back.

Want to know what happened? Read the updates here:

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sarah on October 30 at

When I first seen this I thought, wow, I can see how this would be an interesting test and how so many people would completely criticize for it. I haven’t had to do this because well, My son basically does this to himself. We do this thing about every 6 months to a year called “keep it or give it away.” Neither of my kids have toy boxes. only shelves where they store the things they like and some bins for the small stuff. We recently did this “game” again with my son and I want to say he just gave away about 80% of the toys he actually does have. His shelves look so bare. But in all reality even though it surprised me with some things because he loves his super heroes and he gave several away, he only kept the things that he currently plays with. a box of Legos, bin of dragons, bin of cars, some dress up stuff. We had to explain to him that some things could be left on the high shelves as just decoration. My daughter is two and this is the first time we have done this with her as well. I didn’t expect it to go very well, but surprisingly she did ok. we had a whole laundry basket of items. but again they both done’ have as many things as other kids I know. I know you may never get to reading this as you have so many posts, but I wanted to post anyway. I love that my kids only keep what they play with and are OK with giving away the other items to someone else. We have already talked to my son about informing the family next year that gifts need to be on the minimum and if they want to present something we would like for it to be towards tickets for our vacations (like our year passes to Disney). My son was ALL for it. Another thing I can say is that I notice my kids take care of that they do have and seem to appreciate the things they like to play with more then many other kids and I like to see that. they don’t just break something and move on. I also read your update and am glad to see it is going well. I would love to have an attic to stick some items, but don’t. we give anything they don’t currently want away. Since we are in the country putting anything into the shed or barn would mean that it would not make it back in. Best of luck continuing your journey. 🙂

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thebrit6 on October 31 at
Doesn’t work over here in Britain. Not one iota.
Kids want to play with toys, let them make their own mistakes, providing it’s not lethal or sexually harmful.
sarah on October 30 at
When I first seen this I thought, wow, I can see how this would be an interesting test and how so many people would completely criticize for it. I haven’t had to do this because well, My son basically does this to himself. We do this thing about every 6 months to a year called “keep it or give it away.” Neither of my kids have toy boxes. only shelves where they store the things they like and some bins for the small stuff. We recently did this “game” again with my son and I want to say he just gave away about 80% of the toys he actually does have. His shelves look so bare. But in all reality even though it surprised me with some things because he loves his super heroes and he gave several away, he only kept the things that he currently plays with. a box of Legos, bin of dragons, bin of cars, some dress up stuff. We had to explain to him that some things could be left on the high shelves as just decoration. My daughter is two and this is the first time we have done this with her as well. I didn’t expect it to go very well, but surprisingly she did ok. we had a whole laundry basket of items. but again they both done’ have as many things as other kids I know. I know you may never get to reading this as you have so many posts, but I wanted to post anyway. I love that my kids only keep what they play with and are OK with giving away the other items to someone else. We have already talked to my son about informing the family next year that gifts need to be on the minimum and if they want to present something we would like for it to be towards tickets for our vacations (like our year passes to Disney). My son was ALL for it. Another thing I can say is that I notice my kids take care of that they do have and seem to appreciate the things they like to play with more then many other kids and I like to see that. they don’t just break something and move on. I also read your update and am glad to see it is going well. I would love to have an attic to stick some items, but don’t. we give anything they don’t currently want away. Since we are in the country putting anything into the shed or barn would mean that it would not make it back in. Best of luck continuing your journey. 🙂
Anon on October 27 at
When I was 8-9 my parents took all the toys out of my room and it has effected me very much negatively. The reason I was so attached to my toys was the lack of attention. Now I am 16 and have purchased my old dollhouse I had as a child and regularly play with it. Taking your kids toys away doesn’t work for everyone.
Tiffany on October 24 at
About a month ago, I bought 7 laundry bags from the dollar store. My two girls, two of my four children, were horrified as I nicely organized each bag to have some toys in it to stimulate different parts of their brain. I.e. something musical, plush, building, etc. My oldest girl cried as she explained to my youngest girl that she had to say ‘bye-bye’ to the toys as Mommy was taking them away. (She’s our drama queen.) My plan was to give them a new bag every day for them to play with, and they would have an easy clean up before bed by throwing all of the toys back in the bag. The next morning, they excitedly got out one bag and played with the toys all day long. The following morning, when it was time to choose another bag, they declined and played pretend with each other…sans tons of toys!!! Since then, THEY HAVE NOT TOUCHED ONE TOY that was put in the bags. And don’t worry, they don’t fill their time with the TV.
- Evelyn Curtis on November 18 at
  This is great! My husband and I talked it over and we both decided that this was the best idea for our home. We don’t plan on getting rid of them…well, at least not all of them, but we do plan on giving them to them in controlled situations, so as to prevent all toys from scattering all over the house.
Sarah on October 22 at
I am going to do this although it might take some time for my husband to get on board. I have already decided that I personally will go first. I am a sewer and crafter that has collected way too much that I likely will never use. I also hang on to many things for sentimental purposes and often over time forget where they came from or what the meaning was. I am going to purge my own belongings in a major way and then help my boys cut down theirs. Hopefully this will help my husband do his too!