Do you ever get so fed up with all the toys lying around? This is the inside story of my drastic decision to take my kids’ toys away.
As some of you already know, I’ve been on a mission this year to simplify my family’s life and rid ourselves of excess. Over the course of the past nine months I have probably given away about 75 percent of my girls’ toys, keeping only the items that I felt encouraged their imagination and that they actually played with. I thought I was doing pretty good.
Even so, there were warning signs that my kids still had too much stuff. In June, we took a field trip to Reptile World in Orlando. Afterwards we decided it would be fun to take the girls to dinner at a dinosaur-themed restaurant called T-Rex in Downtown Disney. While we were waiting to be seated my oldest daughter Maggie spotted the Build-a-Dino Workshop in the gift shop and although we immediately said “no way,” from that moment on she could think of nothing else.
All through our delicious dinner, surrounded by dramatic (fake) meteor showers and animatronic dinosaurs, she fixated on the one thing she couldn’t have rather than the cool sights we were actually experiencing.
On the three hour drive home, Husband and I–seriously concerned by our daughter’s inability to enjoy the moment–made a point to talk about all the neat stuff we had seen, what our favorite reptiles were, and how funny Trouble had been holding the snake. By the time we made it home the Build-a-Dino had been forgotten. At least by her. But we were worried.
In the weeks that followed, Chuck and I talked a lot about how we were going to handle this lack of contentment we were noticing. Then one morning near the end of July, after telling my kids to clean their room for the umpteenth time, I made the somewhat impulsive–albeit pre-warned–decision to take away ALL their stuff.
Just 2 days earlier I had spent half the day cleaning their room & re-organizing their toys and closet, which is something I do fairly regularly. I wasn’t asking them to clean some giant out-of-control mess, just to pick up a few items off the floor and put them away in the very clearly labeled baskets. Every time I came back to check on them, they had not only NOT picked up, they had made an even bigger mess.
I finally gave up and took it all away. I wasn’t angry, just fed up. I calmly began packing up not just a toy or two, but every single thing. All their dress-up clothes, baby dolls, Polly Pockets, & stuffed animals, all their Barbies, building blocks, and toy trains, right down to the the furniture from their dollhouse and play food from their kitchen. I even took the pretty Pottery Barn Kids comforter from their bed. The girls watched me in stunned silence for a few minutes and then, when the shock wore off, they helped. And just like that, their room was clear.
I had no idea what a dramatic difference this one semi-impulsive decision would make in all our lives. I first started noticing a real change about 4 weeks later when we took a family trip to Key West.
In contrast to our last outing and for the first time ever, neither girl asked us to buy a single thing the entire weekend. Not a toy, not a cheesy souvenir, not a light-up necklace from a passing street vendor. Nothing. We passed hundreds of shops and they loved looking in the window, but they were content just to be. What was most amazing to me was that we didn’t talk to them about it ahead of time. Not once did we have to tell them not to ask, or explain that being together was what mattered.
Had I not experienced it with my own eyes, I would’ve never believed that an addiction to stuff could be broken that quickly. The truth is that when I took all their stuff away, I was terrified at what would happen. I worried that I was scarring them for life, depriving them of some essential developmental need, taking away their ability to self-entertain.
In reality, the opposite has happened. Instead of being bored, they seem to have no shortage of things to do. Their attention span is much longer and they are able to mindfully focus on their task at hand. They color or read for hours at a time and happily spend the entire afternoon playing hide & seek or pretend.
They are far more content, able to appreciate the blessings that they do have, and able to truly enjoy the moment they are in without always having to move on to the next thing. They are more creative and patient, more willing to share, far more empathetic towards the plight of others, and, with little to fight over, they hardly fight at all.
When I do take down a toy for them to play with (no, I didn’t throw everything away), such as their Lego blocks or dress-up clothes or or their kitchen food & dishes, that one thing will entertain them for the entire day. (The rest has more or less been forgotten and will soon make it’s way from the attic to the Goodwill pile.)
What I love even more is that they are able to recognize excess on their own. Aside from a favorite stuffed animal and the comforter on their bed, (which they both earned back), neither of them actually want their toys back on a permanent basis. They like not being overwhelmed by stuff and not having to spend so much time cleaning their room. In fact, later that very same day, as we drove to gymnastics class, Maggie said it’s okay that we don’t have any more toys Mommy. We can just read and use our imaginations. And now we won’t have to clean up every day. She understood before I did that more stuff doesn’t make us happier.
When I first became a mom I was so happy to have a chance to start over, to undo through my children all the wrong that was done to me, to give them everything I felt I had missed out on. I wanted our lives to be perfect, and my vision of perfection included a perfectly decorated bedroom filled with beautiful things, a life where they would want for nothing.
I equated giving them stuff with making them happy, a message that our consumer driven culture hammers into our psyches from the time we our born. Oh, what a lie!
I started this blog because I am a shopaholic, and there are so many times where I buy things when I am bored or unhappy, just to fill the void. My husband laughs at me (and sometimes throws up his hand in frustration) because although I talk a good game about wanting to downsize and get rid of stuff, in reality there are still many times where I just can’t help myself from buying more.
I justify it, telling myself it was on sale or a really good deal, or something we really needed, or that I deserve it because I work so hard. In reality it is just another thing I am trying to buy to solve a problem that runs much deeper.
Stuff isn’t evil in and of itself, but in a world where we are constantly told that what we have isn’t quite good enough, the love of things can so very easily consume us. It is the pursuit of it all–more toys, cuter clothes, a prettier house, a nicer car, a bigger computer, a fancier phone–that makes us forget all the things that actually matter.
It wasn’t until after observing first hand the real and immediate changes in my children after taking their toys away that I truly began to understand. And now instead of me teaching them, they have taught me the lesson I wish I would’ve have learned a long time ago.
For our family, there’s no turning back.
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I have a very distict memory of my parents doing this when I was 5. I shared a room with my sister and it was a DISASTER. Having told us repeatedly to clean it up, my parents came in with large bags and started filling them up with everything on the floor. My mom says that we got it all back later, which I don't remember, but I do remember that all of my life there has always been too much stuff.
My husband and I are both neat freaks but we have six kids so we are always fighting this battle. We have done the "Jesus only got 3 Christmas presents, and so do you" thing with our kids for several years now. Only one of the gifts is a toy or that type of thing. My mom and MIL have started "gifting" time with the kids like going on trips with Gma and Gpa, or a day at a water park. MIL said gifts recieved will be long forgotten but making memories like that will last a lifetime. Last year my teen boys went to the Grand Canyon. This year my girls went to Disney World.
I have a licensed home daycare and am required to have a large supply of toys, games, books and craft supplies, but there have been many days when I've thought how much I would love to get rid of it all. After weeks of tripping over enormous messes that the children created by dumping out every box of toys all over the play room, I removed several boxes of small toys and put them away. Now it is more managable so that the little ones can clean up and they don't get so overwhelmed. I agree that removing the toys from the kids' bedrooms was a good thing, too. Now only one room of the house gets messy - the play room.
I am still looking forward to be done with the "toy" stage of life.
Okay, so I sort of stumbled upon your blog and am so glad I did! I really enjoy (as we all do!) giving gifts to my children, seeing their excitement, surprise, everything. About five years ago, my husband and I decided to only give each child one gift for their birthday and one for Christmas and simultaneously get rid of at least 50% of their toys (ended up being around 80%). SO much better. But now, things are getting crowded again. Last week, after the typical "clean your room" and "I like it like this" back-and-forth, we agreed to purge again. No toys allowed in bedrooms and we're only keeping the stuff that is a complete set, has a clearly marked box, and is put away. "Put away" means on the shelf at the top of the closet. Since then, they've not asked to get them down. At all. I thought maybe something was wrong with them until I also saw the freedom. I'm thinking this is a permanent situation for us, as well. Thank you so much for sharing your experiment and putting it into words! Keep it up, rock star!
ps my daughter asked me the other day if we could not get her a lot of christmas gifts...being the only grandchild she gets super spoiled every year and its very overwhelming. She told me this year she just wants 3 gifts. How easy did my life just get??
OH MY GOSH! I just did this very thing with my daughters room about a month ago with the same result. I took away ALL her toys with the exception of her ipod that she uses to go to sleep at night and have dance parties during the day and her art supplies and desk. (she is 5 btw) I left a note on her dresser saying that during the night all of her toys had moved out because they were sad that she wouldnt take care of them and that they would come back when she could treat them nicely. I expected major drama and tantrums but had the same experience that you did with your kids...she was so relieved to have her room clean and free of everything. she walked in and thanked me for taking everything out. How funny to have the same exact experience. I felt like i was reading a description of my life, family and past personal issues when i read your post. thanks so much!
It is so amazing to hear that others have had the same experience! Thanks for sharing!
Wow. This is Inspiring and scary all at the same time. I think I take comfort from my "stuff" and the idea of "what if" I need it someday. But I'm struggling with a ridiculously messy cluttered house. Stepping on toys is not fun either. On the other hand I would rather he play with his Lincoln logs, tinker toys, Legos, an cars than watch tv which he only gets to watch in the morning while I get ready. I can't imagine getting rid of ALL his toys but I know I need to do a purge soon! His birthday is coming up and we will be getting more toys I'm sure.
I took all my sons toys away when he was 3. I ended up having to stay after preschool to talk to his teacher about his "lying." She said the topic was "what is your favorite toy?" and his response was he didn't have any. Took me a long time to convince her he wasn't lying. I think maybe she thought I was lying to cover for him lol.
All due respect, 'hilarious' certainly isn't the word I would choose to appropriately describe a situation like this.
I'm sorry, but if an actual trained caregiver and preschool teacher (who, mind you, has almost definitely taken childhood development courses in order to obtain such a job) is so struck with disbelief, it should clue you in as to how extreme your decision is.
I can understand limiting toy play to one at a time, or having a child pick and choose what to keep and what to donate. All children are not the same, and some require different parenting approaches than others. But it's this concept that suddenly depriving your child of his or her belongings in an attempt to 'better' them that's harmful.
There is a distinct difference between 'thinning out the toy pile' and marching belligerently into your child's room and packing up their beloved possessions all at once. There were many a day when my mother overturned my toy box and set it aside with an accompanying tote, individually labeling the two 'keep' and 'give away'. You can work with your child in order to cut down clutter and teach the importance of mindfulness when it comes to materialism and hoarding. The role of the parent is to guide rather than corral. Discuss with them which toys they truly feel the need to hold on to, and gently encourage them to part with those that they do not. Feeling that your child is overwhelmed by an abundance of toys they barely play with is fine, tossing out everything in sight is not.
(Lord above, don't get me started on the comforter. A comforter is not a toy. You should not deprive your children of their comforter because you think they need to 'earn' the right to sleep with proper bedding. Perhaps this punishment would have made sense if you detailed a direct refusal to make their bed/a tendency to leave the blankets strewn around the room. Otherwise, it just seems extreme and unnecessary.)
"I don't have any toys." Think about that. It sounds more akin to something that might have tumbled out of the mouth of a lonely, downtrodden orphan in a Hallmark holiday movie. It certainly shouldn't be something that you happily hear come from your own child, and you can't tell me it's the sort of thing you honestly believe should be met with praise.
Oh my goodness, that's hilarious!
I have thought and thought and thought about seriously depleting the toy pile. But I'm afraid of the kids having nothing to do! I think you just convinced me to go for it.
oh how i thank you for this post. my family is currently in the process of moving/downsizing Wr have been living in a 1300square foot house and now are downsizing into a fifth wheel. My husband had always wanted to live at the beach and we finally were able to make that dream come true about 3 days ago. as we have moved in to our now 300 square feet it has been quite the reality check for me and all my stuff. i love doing craft projects and have let my collection of stuff get away fro
me. i didnt have time to get everything and while i have noticed things that i wish id grabbed, there is also a lot i dont miss. :)
Oh, darn. I forgot the biggest part. We're homeschoolers, and I try to hold on to anything that's open-ended, creative or educational. *sigh*
Hello, I'm new, and already stuck my neck out there. hee.
I desperately need to thin out the toys. I make a plan to do it every year before Christmas, and never quite get it all done. I do, fortunately, grab some of the broken and cheap toys and get rid of them.
I love the idea of a garage sale, though. I have three girls- 10, 8, and 5 (and a boy, 3). I bet I could get them to sell their stuff. I will probably not let them buy toys with it, though! HA!