Do you ever get so fed up with all the toys lying around? This is the inside story of my drastic decision to take my kids’ toys away.
As some of you already know, I’ve been on a mission this year to simplify my family’s life and rid ourselves of excess. Over the course of the past nine months I have probably given away about 75 percent of my girls’ toys, keeping only the items that I felt encouraged their imagination and that they actually played with. I thought I was doing pretty good.
Even so, there were warning signs that my kids still had too much stuff. In June, we took a field trip to Reptile World in Orlando. Afterwards we decided it would be fun to take the girls to dinner at a dinosaur-themed restaurant called T-Rex in Downtown Disney. While we were waiting to be seated my oldest daughter Maggie spotted the Build-a-Dino Workshop in the gift shop and although we immediately said “no way,” from that moment on she could think of nothing else.
All through our delicious dinner, surrounded by dramatic (fake) meteor showers and animatronic dinosaurs, she fixated on the one thing she couldn’t have rather than the cool sights we were actually experiencing.
On the three hour drive home, Husband and I–seriously concerned by our daughter’s inability to enjoy the moment–made a point to talk about all the neat stuff we had seen, what our favorite reptiles were, and how funny Trouble had been holding the snake. By the time we made it home the Build-a-Dino had been forgotten. At least by her. But we were worried.
In the weeks that followed, Chuck and I talked a lot about how we were going to handle this lack of contentment we were noticing. Then one morning near the end of July, after telling my kids to clean their room for the umpteenth time, I made the somewhat impulsive–albeit pre-warned–decision to take away ALL their stuff.
Just 2 days earlier I had spent half the day cleaning their room & re-organizing their toys and closet, which is something I do fairly regularly. I wasn’t asking them to clean some giant out-of-control mess, just to pick up a few items off the floor and put them away in the very clearly labeled baskets. Every time I came back to check on them, they had not only NOT picked up, they had made an even bigger mess.
I finally gave up and took it all away. I wasn’t angry, just fed up. I calmly began packing up not just a toy or two, but every single thing. All their dress-up clothes, baby dolls, Polly Pockets, & stuffed animals, all their Barbies, building blocks, and toy trains, right down to the the furniture from their dollhouse and play food from their kitchen. I even took the pretty Pottery Barn Kids comforter from their bed. The girls watched me in stunned silence for a few minutes and then, when the shock wore off, they helped. And just like that, their room was clear.
I had no idea what a dramatic difference this one semi-impulsive decision would make in all our lives. I first started noticing a real change about 4 weeks later when we took a family trip to Key West.
In contrast to our last outing and for the first time ever, neither girl asked us to buy a single thing the entire weekend. Not a toy, not a cheesy souvenir, not a light-up necklace from a passing street vendor. Nothing. We passed hundreds of shops and they loved looking in the window, but they were content just to be. What was most amazing to me was that we didn’t talk to them about it ahead of time. Not once did we have to tell them not to ask, or explain that being together was what mattered.
Had I not experienced it with my own eyes, I would’ve never believed that an addiction to stuff could be broken that quickly. The truth is that when I took all their stuff away, I was terrified at what would happen. I worried that I was scarring them for life, depriving them of some essential developmental need, taking away their ability to self-entertain.
In reality, the opposite has happened. Instead of being bored, they seem to have no shortage of things to do. Their attention span is much longer and they are able to mindfully focus on their task at hand. They color or read for hours at a time and happily spend the entire afternoon playing hide & seek or pretend.
They are far more content, able to appreciate the blessings that they do have, and able to truly enjoy the moment they are in without always having to move on to the next thing. They are more creative and patient, more willing to share, far more empathetic towards the plight of others, and, with little to fight over, they hardly fight at all.
When I do take down a toy for them to play with (no, I didn’t throw everything away), such as their Lego blocks or dress-up clothes or or their kitchen food & dishes, that one thing will entertain them for the entire day. (The rest has more or less been forgotten and will soon make it’s way from the attic to the Goodwill pile.)
What I love even more is that they are able to recognize excess on their own. Aside from a favorite stuffed animal and the comforter on their bed, (which they both earned back), neither of them actually want their toys back on a permanent basis. They like not being overwhelmed by stuff and not having to spend so much time cleaning their room. In fact, later that very same day, as we drove to gymnastics class, Maggie said it’s okay that we don’t have any more toys Mommy. We can just read and use our imaginations. And now we won’t have to clean up every day. She understood before I did that more stuff doesn’t make us happier.
When I first became a mom I was so happy to have a chance to start over, to undo through my children all the wrong that was done to me, to give them everything I felt I had missed out on. I wanted our lives to be perfect, and my vision of perfection included a perfectly decorated bedroom filled with beautiful things, a life where they would want for nothing.
I equated giving them stuff with making them happy, a message that our consumer driven culture hammers into our psyches from the time we our born. Oh, what a lie!
I started this blog because I am a shopaholic, and there are so many times where I buy things when I am bored or unhappy, just to fill the void. My husband laughs at me (and sometimes throws up his hand in frustration) because although I talk a good game about wanting to downsize and get rid of stuff, in reality there are still many times where I just can’t help myself from buying more.
I justify it, telling myself it was on sale or a really good deal, or something we really needed, or that I deserve it because I work so hard. In reality it is just another thing I am trying to buy to solve a problem that runs much deeper.
Stuff isn’t evil in and of itself, but in a world where we are constantly told that what we have isn’t quite good enough, the love of things can so very easily consume us. It is the pursuit of it all–more toys, cuter clothes, a prettier house, a nicer car, a bigger computer, a fancier phone–that makes us forget all the things that actually matter.
It wasn’t until after observing first hand the real and immediate changes in my children after taking their toys away that I truly began to understand. And now instead of me teaching them, they have taught me the lesson I wish I would’ve have learned a long time ago.
For our family, there’s no turning back.
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I love this!!!! Way to take back your kid's lives!!!
Hi, It is great to know I am not the only one to get rid of my kids toys. I too have gotten rid of my boys toys throughout the past years. I get tired of picking them up and putting them away. The only toys they have now are legos, trains, blocks. Of course we have tons of legos....but they can play, and build for hours!
I love this !!!! Been thinking long and hard about getting rid of a lot of my two yr olds toys myself....its UNREAL the messes that are made. Ive already gotten rid of 80% of the toys and oldcoloring books crayons jewelry etc from my 10 yr olds room and it has been a huge load off of hers and my shoulders. This definitely makes me want to go home tonight and DE-CLUTTER the baby's room now. Thank you for this article bc I felt bad for wanting to do this and now I see I was right ha! Toys are only temporary and are to entertain not overwelm and make it the only reason you get up everyday. And not buying them every single new Barbie or action figure that comes out or every new electronic device or video game, isnt the end of the world! They will survive and probably be better off anyway. ;)
Being a "stay at home" Dad, I was immediately drawn to your article via FaceBook post from a friend. We recently (and I mean this week) did a "clutter confiscation", and have seen some of the same results. The policy was that the children could reclaim the items by performing task. Needless to say the spirit of reclamation has not overwhelmed them. In fact, we are seeing that by previously teaching the kids that our "treasures are not here on earth", that they have listened...and as a result could care less about getting their toys back. So through a somewhat reverse manner, I believe we have proved your point valid. Kids don't have to have everything they want...only what they need. Like you, we as parents have learned an invaluable lesson from our own precious children.
Awesome post! I try to give myself permission to toss out the "stuff," and realize that it takes more energy to keep it all than it does to get rid of it. When in doubt ... I toss it (or donate.) I have never regretted getting rid of anything. Thank you!
So thankful to have stumbled upon this post! I am curious, however (and didn't see a question like this answered on your follow up page), do you think the ages of your girls made this change such a successful one? I'm wondering if they're able to recognize the differences because they DID spend so much time with too many toys, going from one to next and really never becoming satisfied. My kids now are 2 years old and 1 1/2 weeks old, and I wonder if there's a certain age that making a move like this would be best!
Ruth, I am so pleased to hear another parent with the same philosophy as I have :) More does NOT mean better off. I did this same thing this past Christmas. I told my children that for every toy they received, one had to be given away - once we started getting rid of toys, virtually everything went! Mostly, not by MY choice. I asked my three children what they wanted to keep and it was VERY little. They only have 5 small bins of organized toys and they are only allowed to play with one bin a day. They are content and happy!
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Ruth - I came across your blog today by accident.. I do need you to know that every minute I had a chance today I was reading your story and for some reason I can't stop! You are truly inspiring and you make me want to be a better person, a better wife and a better mother to my children. I do absolutely agree that kids (or adults) don't need a bunch of stuff. It really does take our time and attention from the things that really do matter. But as you also said, its much easier said than done. I commend you for being brave enough to give it a try and stand by your decision. I am seriously considering doing the same with my children.
Good for you. I have blogged several times about the effects clutter has on children, but it is interesting to see what a dramatic and positive effect this had on your children. I was perfectly happy to do the 50% reduction and remove the toys to an area outside his room, and frankly my son didn't seem to mind a bit, but now I wish I had tried the 100% reduction even for a brief time. He's 15 now, so I don't think it would have as big an impact, but it is an interesting thought.