Do you ever get so fed up with all the toys lying around? This is the inside story of my drastic decision to take my kids’ toys away.
As some of you already know, I’ve been on a mission this year to simplify my family’s life and rid ourselves of excess. Over the course of the past nine months I have probably given away about 75 percent of my girls’ toys, keeping only the items that I felt encouraged their imagination and that they actually played with. I thought I was doing pretty good.
Even so, there were warning signs that my kids still had too much stuff. In June, we took a field trip to Reptile World in Orlando. Afterwards we decided it would be fun to take the girls to dinner at a dinosaur-themed restaurant called T-Rex in Downtown Disney. While we were waiting to be seated my oldest daughter Maggie spotted the Build-a-Dino Workshop in the gift shop and although we immediately said “no way,” from that moment on she could think of nothing else.
All through our delicious dinner, surrounded by dramatic (fake) meteor showers and animatronic dinosaurs, she fixated on the one thing she couldn’t have rather than the cool sights we were actually experiencing.
On the three hour drive home, Husband and I–seriously concerned by our daughter’s inability to enjoy the moment–made a point to talk about all the neat stuff we had seen, what our favorite reptiles were, and how funny Trouble had been holding the snake. By the time we made it home the Build-a-Dino had been forgotten. At least by her. But we were worried.
In the weeks that followed, Chuck and I talked a lot about how we were going to handle this lack of contentment we were noticing. Then one morning near the end of July, after telling my kids to clean their room for the umpteenth time, I made the somewhat impulsive–albeit pre-warned–decision to take away ALL their stuff.
Just 2 days earlier I had spent half the day cleaning their room & re-organizing their toys and closet, which is something I do fairly regularly. I wasn’t asking them to clean some giant out-of-control mess, just to pick up a few items off the floor and put them away in the very clearly labeled baskets. Every time I came back to check on them, they had not only NOT picked up, they had made an even bigger mess.
I finally gave up and took it all away. I wasn’t angry, just fed up. I calmly began packing up not just a toy or two, but every single thing. All their dress-up clothes, baby dolls, Polly Pockets, & stuffed animals, all their Barbies, building blocks, and toy trains, right down to the the furniture from their dollhouse and play food from their kitchen. I even took the pretty Pottery Barn Kids comforter from their bed. The girls watched me in stunned silence for a few minutes and then, when the shock wore off, they helped. And just like that, their room was clear.
I had no idea what a dramatic difference this one semi-impulsive decision would make in all our lives. I first started noticing a real change about 4 weeks later when we took a family trip to Key West.
In contrast to our last outing and for the first time ever, neither girl asked us to buy a single thing the entire weekend. Not a toy, not a cheesy souvenir, not a light-up necklace from a passing street vendor. Nothing. We passed hundreds of shops and they loved looking in the window, but they were content just to be. What was most amazing to me was that we didn’t talk to them about it ahead of time. Not once did we have to tell them not to ask, or explain that being together was what mattered.
Had I not experienced it with my own eyes, I would’ve never believed that an addiction to stuff could be broken that quickly. The truth is that when I took all their stuff away, I was terrified at what would happen. I worried that I was scarring them for life, depriving them of some essential developmental need, taking away their ability to self-entertain.
In reality, the opposite has happened. Instead of being bored, they seem to have no shortage of things to do. Their attention span is much longer and they are able to mindfully focus on their task at hand. They color or read for hours at a time and happily spend the entire afternoon playing hide & seek or pretend.
They are far more content, able to appreciate the blessings that they do have, and able to truly enjoy the moment they are in without always having to move on to the next thing. They are more creative and patient, more willing to share, far more empathetic towards the plight of others, and, with little to fight over, they hardly fight at all.
When I do take down a toy for them to play with (no, I didn’t throw everything away), such as their Lego blocks or dress-up clothes or or their kitchen food & dishes, that one thing will entertain them for the entire day. (The rest has more or less been forgotten and will soon make it’s way from the attic to the Goodwill pile.)
What I love even more is that they are able to recognize excess on their own. Aside from a favorite stuffed animal and the comforter on their bed, (which they both earned back), neither of them actually want their toys back on a permanent basis. They like not being overwhelmed by stuff and not having to spend so much time cleaning their room. In fact, later that very same day, as we drove to gymnastics class, Maggie said it’s okay that we don’t have any more toys Mommy. We can just read and use our imaginations. And now we won’t have to clean up every day. She understood before I did that more stuff doesn’t make us happier.
When I first became a mom I was so happy to have a chance to start over, to undo through my children all the wrong that was done to me, to give them everything I felt I had missed out on. I wanted our lives to be perfect, and my vision of perfection included a perfectly decorated bedroom filled with beautiful things, a life where they would want for nothing.
I equated giving them stuff with making them happy, a message that our consumer driven culture hammers into our psyches from the time we our born. Oh, what a lie!
I started this blog because I am a shopaholic, and there are so many times where I buy things when I am bored or unhappy, just to fill the void. My husband laughs at me (and sometimes throws up his hand in frustration) because although I talk a good game about wanting to downsize and get rid of stuff, in reality there are still many times where I just can’t help myself from buying more.
I justify it, telling myself it was on sale or a really good deal, or something we really needed, or that I deserve it because I work so hard. In reality it is just another thing I am trying to buy to solve a problem that runs much deeper.
Stuff isn’t evil in and of itself, but in a world where we are constantly told that what we have isn’t quite good enough, the love of things can so very easily consume us. It is the pursuit of it all–more toys, cuter clothes, a prettier house, a nicer car, a bigger computer, a fancier phone–that makes us forget all the things that actually matter.
It wasn’t until after observing first hand the real and immediate changes in my children after taking their toys away that I truly began to understand. And now instead of me teaching them, they have taught me the lesson I wish I would’ve have learned a long time ago.
For our family, there’s no turning back.
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I just came across your post, its a great Idea. My son seems very disconnected he would really benefit from this removing his toys and giving him a chance to enjoy everything around him.
This is the first time I have come across your blog. i was reading the dry shampoo post and the title of this post was catchy. I wanted to see what it was all about. I have thought about taking my kids toys away numerous times! I feel bad and end up not doing it bc of the opinions of others. I honestly feel that my 7 year would benefit from less distraction. Maybe I will help him out with less to clean :) My 10 year old doesn't have a problem cleaning up but does not use even half of what is in his room. And I have way too much clutter in the house. Thank you for sharing!!
I think this is a brilliant post! My little man doesn't have loads of toys, but he has enough that in our small house we don't have room for them and quite frankly it's driving me nuts. We have been trying to work on his attention span and maybe, just maybe this will benefit him. We also need to limit screen time for him. We have taken away his video games already, but I think it's time for additional changes. Whenever holidays come around I cringe, because I know he will getting more toys; we have a rule that for everything that comes in one has to go out...so why even get more presents if you have to get rid of things you already like!? We got frustrated as his birthday was recently and after opening the very few things he got (that we had prefaced) he got upset and said "where's the rest of my presents? Where are my toys?" I am trying to figure out how to deal with holidays, obviously they are not truly about getting "things" but our culture is so focused on getting and buying that it's only that anymore. You've given me the nudge I need to make some new and needed changes around here!!! Thank you!
Finally someone gets it!!! Our kids are bombarded by so much, isn't home supposed to about family and time spent together? Not about sit down, shut up and play with this or watch that?
I always tried to limit my kids toys. For Christmas they get a toy from Santa a homemade gift and pj's well, from me. Grandparents are a different story and it's added up over the years. A few month ago I start working and kids and baby store. All the toys I wanted to get them and now the money too. It's gotten bad but the other day I had enough. They too have label baskets and can't seem to do anything even after repeatedly asking. So I went in and put in all in a bag I told them they could earn them back when they clean up better. A week later it's a total disaster. So another bag is leaving today, they don't even miss the old stuff. Although I might fish out some hotwheels. My oldest remembers them all so trading out would be good. I know he'd be grateful. But it's given me the excuse I wanted to purge out the plastics and electronics. I've been working on myself too, closets cleaned out and the kitchen of unused items.
The fact that your children and happy and contented should be testament enough of the wisdom of your decision, The WAY you did this makes the difference. Yelling, screaming and cursing are NOT the way. You did it calmly and without anger. Great Job, mom. Congratulations for this wisdom you have exhibited.
totally agree with this
Wow!! Totally inspired now!! What do you do for birthdays? I have three children and I am trying to find a creative way to nicely say to party guests there are no need for gifts...or is that going too far?
I've talked a little about this on my follow up post here:
https://www.livingwellspendingless.com/2013/09/13/why-i-took-my-kids-toys-away-one-year-later/
Hope that helps! :-)
Each to their own, and every family does what they think it is best for them, but in my opinion that was unwarranted extreme reaction and if the kids learned anything it is that you have ultimate power over them and that you get to do whatever you want. I think you based your reaction on your past and your shopping issues and did not really think of your kids. Especially the way you did it - as a punishment because they didn;t clean up and because you were fed up.
There are plenty of ways to teach kids moderation than withdrawing all their stuff just because you felt that you have to much stuff. I also noticed that you mentioned that after a year you decided to purge the things that were your husbands and yours. Maybe you should have started with that.
In our house we have toys, but not a lot and even less of expensive ones (I shop at thrift stores - because I see that old wooden toys are better than plastic crap sold everywhere). I don't believe and never have that kids need every toy from the shop, not because I had any sort of trauma, but just because I see that having imagination is more important than having last model of ipad (which we don't have either). Consequently, my daughter (now 4 years old) can create a 2 hour game out of a doll, piece of toilet paper (clean) and wooden car. Include her mini kitchen and she can play for hour longer. Mostly she loves to go to her craft closet and take piece of paper and draw or paint. All that contributes to developing imagination and rolle playing and develops social skills. I would never take that away from her. And if we go somewhere and she wants me to buy her a toy or souvenir that she just "needs to have that same second" I nicely tell her no and explain the reasoning behind it and thats it. I did the same since the first time she grabbed bag of chips in the supermarket at age 1. It does not stop her from appreciating whats important in life or enjoying the moment. We just don't make big deal out of it - kids want stuff all the time, its up to us as a parent to teach them moderation and appreciation of everything we have. It doesn't have to be extreme, like what you did.
I love this post! I'm so glad I saw the pin. :)
From the beginning, with our wee-lings (now 3 and almost 2), I have always rotated toys. It works for us right now because the toys are stored in their bedroom, which is off-limits during the day as it's behind the baby gate, but I know we'll have to rethink how we do things when they get a bit bigger. Rotating toys really saves my sanity. We only have a few things to pick up every day, and our oldest has already understands that if there's something in particular that she wants to play with, she has to ask for it when she gets up, because there are no other toys brought out during the day. We also do the four-gift rule at Christmas (something to read, something they need, something they want, and something to wear). Santa Claus brings one toy as well. It's important to my Beloved and I that they know that gifts come from us, out of love, and out of our family budget... not all from a stranger who gives them whatever they ask for.
Also, from a lifetime of moving (I've moved A LOT... close to 60 times), I am a regular purge-er. If a toy hasn't been used or played with in 6 months, I take it to the local kids consignment store or to the thrift store.
Anyway, sorry for the ramble. I just wanted to say thank you for the wonderful post. Blessings on you and your family.
WOW! What an inspiration to read this! My kids have WAY TOO MANY TOYS! I even tried telling people not to get toys for christmas gifts and instead get things like zoo passes and such. Where do you keep all the toys so tehy don't go get them?