Do you ever get so fed up with all the toys lying around? This is the inside story of my drastic decision to take my kids’ toys away.
As some of you already know, I’ve been on a mission this year to simplify my family’s life and rid ourselves of excess. Over the course of the past nine months I have probably given away about 75 percent of my girls’ toys, keeping only the items that I felt encouraged their imagination and that they actually played with. I thought I was doing pretty good.
Even so, there were warning signs that my kids still had too much stuff. In June, we took a field trip to Reptile World in Orlando. Afterwards we decided it would be fun to take the girls to dinner at a dinosaur-themed restaurant called T-Rex in Downtown Disney. While we were waiting to be seated my oldest daughter Maggie spotted the Build-a-Dino Workshop in the gift shop and although we immediately said “no way,” from that moment on she could think of nothing else.
All through our delicious dinner, surrounded by dramatic (fake) meteor showers and animatronic dinosaurs, she fixated on the one thing she couldn’t have rather than the cool sights we were actually experiencing.
On the three hour drive home, Husband and I–seriously concerned by our daughter’s inability to enjoy the moment–made a point to talk about all the neat stuff we had seen, what our favorite reptiles were, and how funny Trouble had been holding the snake. By the time we made it home the Build-a-Dino had been forgotten. At least by her. But we were worried.
In the weeks that followed, Chuck and I talked a lot about how we were going to handle this lack of contentment we were noticing. Then one morning near the end of July, after telling my kids to clean their room for the umpteenth time, I made the somewhat impulsive–albeit pre-warned–decision to take away ALL their stuff.
Just 2 days earlier I had spent half the day cleaning their room & re-organizing their toys and closet, which is something I do fairly regularly. I wasn’t asking them to clean some giant out-of-control mess, just to pick up a few items off the floor and put them away in the very clearly labeled baskets. Every time I came back to check on them, they had not only NOT picked up, they had made an even bigger mess.
I finally gave up and took it all away. I wasn’t angry, just fed up. I calmly began packing up not just a toy or two, but every single thing. All their dress-up clothes, baby dolls, Polly Pockets, & stuffed animals, all their Barbies, building blocks, and toy trains, right down to the the furniture from their dollhouse and play food from their kitchen. I even took the pretty Pottery Barn Kids comforter from their bed. The girls watched me in stunned silence for a few minutes and then, when the shock wore off, they helped. And just like that, their room was clear.
I had no idea what a dramatic difference this one semi-impulsive decision would make in all our lives. I first started noticing a real change about 4 weeks later when we took a family trip to Key West.
In contrast to our last outing and for the first time ever, neither girl asked us to buy a single thing the entire weekend. Not a toy, not a cheesy souvenir, not a light-up necklace from a passing street vendor. Nothing. We passed hundreds of shops and they loved looking in the window, but they were content just to be. What was most amazing to me was that we didn’t talk to them about it ahead of time. Not once did we have to tell them not to ask, or explain that being together was what mattered.
Had I not experienced it with my own eyes, I would’ve never believed that an addiction to stuff could be broken that quickly. The truth is that when I took all their stuff away, I was terrified at what would happen. I worried that I was scarring them for life, depriving them of some essential developmental need, taking away their ability to self-entertain.
In reality, the opposite has happened. Instead of being bored, they seem to have no shortage of things to do. Their attention span is much longer and they are able to mindfully focus on their task at hand. They color or read for hours at a time and happily spend the entire afternoon playing hide & seek or pretend.
They are far more content, able to appreciate the blessings that they do have, and able to truly enjoy the moment they are in without always having to move on to the next thing. They are more creative and patient, more willing to share, far more empathetic towards the plight of others, and, with little to fight over, they hardly fight at all.
When I do take down a toy for them to play with (no, I didn’t throw everything away), such as their Lego blocks or dress-up clothes or or their kitchen food & dishes, that one thing will entertain them for the entire day. (The rest has more or less been forgotten and will soon make it’s way from the attic to the Goodwill pile.)
What I love even more is that they are able to recognize excess on their own. Aside from a favorite stuffed animal and the comforter on their bed, (which they both earned back), neither of them actually want their toys back on a permanent basis. They like not being overwhelmed by stuff and not having to spend so much time cleaning their room. In fact, later that very same day, as we drove to gymnastics class, Maggie said it’s okay that we don’t have any more toys Mommy. We can just read and use our imaginations. And now we won’t have to clean up every day. She understood before I did that more stuff doesn’t make us happier.
When I first became a mom I was so happy to have a chance to start over, to undo through my children all the wrong that was done to me, to give them everything I felt I had missed out on. I wanted our lives to be perfect, and my vision of perfection included a perfectly decorated bedroom filled with beautiful things, a life where they would want for nothing.
I equated giving them stuff with making them happy, a message that our consumer driven culture hammers into our psyches from the time we our born. Oh, what a lie!
I started this blog because I am a shopaholic, and there are so many times where I buy things when I am bored or unhappy, just to fill the void. My husband laughs at me (and sometimes throws up his hand in frustration) because although I talk a good game about wanting to downsize and get rid of stuff, in reality there are still many times where I just can’t help myself from buying more.
I justify it, telling myself it was on sale or a really good deal, or something we really needed, or that I deserve it because I work so hard. In reality it is just another thing I am trying to buy to solve a problem that runs much deeper.
Stuff isn’t evil in and of itself, but in a world where we are constantly told that what we have isn’t quite good enough, the love of things can so very easily consume us. It is the pursuit of it all–more toys, cuter clothes, a prettier house, a nicer car, a bigger computer, a fancier phone–that makes us forget all the things that actually matter.
It wasn’t until after observing first hand the real and immediate changes in my children after taking their toys away that I truly began to understand. And now instead of me teaching them, they have taught me the lesson I wish I would’ve have learned a long time ago.
For our family, there’s no turning back.
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We moved out of the States almost 2 years ago and everyone had to give up their toys to some degree! Our whole life was condensed down to 9 suitcases and 2 foot lockers and our personal backpacks for our family of 5, as we left to be missionaries. All our clothes, every book, toy, homeschool item, cooking gadget, etc. it all had to fit in those bags, and it was the process of having to let go of so much of our stuff.....it was tough! The way we handled it was to let the girls be involved and they choose the books, art supplies, toys and treasures that mattered most to them but it was a very, very small amount of weight they each got to have so to fit within airline guidelines so we wouldn't have to pay fees. We have been careful to buy only what we need to have as we set up our home and it is working out great for us!! Your site is great and I appreciate getting to know more from it. Have a blessed day :D
Maybe they were just scared you'd take the bed away too...
I think that is pretty amazing that you could do that. I have to say that sometimes I fantasize but honestly I don't think I could do it. I do have to admit though that I do really try to limit the types of toys that come into the house. I totally know what you mean by fixating though. My son fixates on things and it's almost impossible to break him once he realizes. Thankfully at the same time he will ask to wander around the toys store just to look and he won't ask for anything.
It seems as this is a great idea for kids these days, not only do the depend on ipads computers tv but they have to have everything that they see! I see people doing this but then not taking time with their children or not doing the same for themselves. If you are going to do this I believe as parents we need to put down the technology and focus on our children so the dont have to be bored and fight for attention from us. If you dont already take a active part in your kids lives, by that I mean go to work then go out to eat or parties or give children to other people, like friends or grandparents instead of spending quality time with all of all of your children! Do this for the right reasons, this is not just a fad or a new way to make your children miserable. I persinally think it is a wonderful idea to put some toys away while getting rid of most of them, kids need interaction, love, imagination and parents strong enough to say no to their children. Remember kids need attention and love from moms and dads toys are not replacements.
I want to hug you! We have done this, and the kids love it! They really do! I think they are so overwhelmed by too much, and I love that it is clean.
I am glad I found your site!
I applaud you for taking this step! I don't have children of my own (yet) but when I do I will absolutely limit the amount of toys they are allowed to have. I should mention that I do work with young children and the toys we keep in the classroom are exactly the toys that you have kept for your daughters and it is all a child needs in that department.
I have struggled for a long time with material attachment and I don't want that for my children. I have friends who grew up in a home where instead of playing video games they were taught the value of creativity and working hard around the house; today they are some of the most intelligent, creative, thoughtful, highly educated people I know. The toys you kept for your kids are exactly the toys children need, some dress-up clothes and play food, blocks, legos, a couple match box cars, crayons, markers, paper, scissors, glue, books and the rest is up to their ingenuity. I hope more people follow your lead! Keep spreading the word!
Hello,
This post and all of the comments are so great. I have to admit I am not sure how the "grandmas" would react to me getting rid of all of my boys toys. I love the idea and totally understand the benefits, but what do you do with Christmas and birthday presents. I am guessing that, as the less is more concept catches on the children do not ask for the same types of things for birthdays and Christmas?
wow this is a brilliant idea.
it teaches the kids the value of possessions
well done
My husband and I are struggling with the same issues of daily cleaning of two over-stuffed rooms. I have an autoimmune disease and I cant dedicate the energy to it that I would like. The excess comes from a set of gparents who believe that time and love can be replaced with lots and lots of toys (in competition with other gparents in their own mind). I have tried to set up the 3 gift rule (1 for fun, 1 to learn with and 1 to read) even with that they find ways around it and supply a lot of toys for the kids that honestly fall by the way side. Thank you for writing such an inspiring blog.
Thank you for sharing your info. I truly apreciate your efforts and I am waiting for your next write ups
thank you once again.