Why I Took My Kids' Toys Away and Why They Won't Get Them Back

Do you ever get so fed up with all the toys lying around? This is the inside story of my drastic decision to take my kids’ toys away.

As some of you already know, I’ve been on a mission this year to simplify my family’s life and rid ourselves of excess. Over the course of the past nine months I have probably given away about 75 percent of my girls’ toys, keeping only the items that I felt encouraged their imagination and that they actually played with. I thought I was doing pretty good.

Even so, there were warning signs that my kids still had too much stuff. In June, we took a field trip to Reptile World in Orlando. Afterwards we decided it would be fun to take the girls to dinner at a dinosaur-themed restaurant called T-Rex in Downtown Disney. While we were waiting to be seated my oldest daughter Maggie spotted the Build-a-Dino Workshop in the gift shop and although we immediately said “no way,” from that moment on she could think of nothing else.

All through our delicious dinner, surrounded by dramatic (fake) meteor showers and animatronic dinosaurs, she fixated on the one thing she couldn’t have rather than the cool sights we were actually experiencing.

On the three hour drive home, Husband and I–seriously concerned by our daughter’s inability to enjoy the moment–made a point to talk about all the neat stuff we had seen, what our favorite reptiles were, and how funny Trouble had been holding the snake. By the time we made it home the Build-a-Dino had been forgotten. At least by her. But we were worried.

The Breaking Point

In the weeks that followed, Chuck and I talked a lot about how we were going to handle this lack of contentment we were noticing. Then one morning near the end of July, after telling my kids to clean their room for the umpteenth time, I made the somewhat impulsive–albeit pre-warned–decision to take away ALL their stuff.

Just 2 days earlier I had spent half the day cleaning their room & re-organizing their toys and closet, which is something I do fairly regularly. I wasn’t asking them to clean some giant out-of-control mess, just to pick up a few items off the floor and put them away in the very clearly labeled baskets. Every time I came back to check on them, they had not only NOT picked up, they had made an even bigger mess.

Why I Took My Kids’ Toys Away (& Why They Won’t Get Them Back)

I finally gave up and took it all away. I wasn’t angry, just fed up. I calmly began packing up not just a toy or two, but every single thing. All their dress-up clothes, baby dolls, Polly Pockets, & stuffed animals, all their Barbies, building blocks, and toy trains, right down to the the furniture from their dollhouse and play food from their kitchen. I even took the pretty Pottery Barn Kids comforter from their bed. The girls watched me in stunned silence for a few minutes and then, when the shock wore off, they helped. And just like that, their room was clear.

The Paradigm Shift

I had no idea what a dramatic difference this one semi-impulsive decision would make in all our lives. I first started noticing a real change about 4 weeks later when we took a family trip to Key West.

In contrast to our last outing and for the first time ever, neither girl asked us to buy a single thing the entire weekend. Not a toy, not a cheesy souvenir, not a light-up necklace from a passing street vendor. Nothing. We passed hundreds of shops and they loved looking in the window, but they were content just to be. What was most amazing to me was that we didn’t talk to them about it ahead of time. Not once did we have to tell them not to ask, or explain that being together was what mattered.

Had I not experienced it with my own eyes, I would’ve never believed that an addiction to stuff could be broken that quickly. The truth is that when I took all their stuff away, I was terrified at what would happen. I worried that I was scarring them for life, depriving them of some essential developmental need, taking away their ability to self-entertain.

So…what happened??

In reality, the opposite has happened. Instead of being bored, they seem to have no shortage of things to do. Their attention span is much longer and they are able to mindfully focus on their task at hand. They color or read for hours at a time and happily spend the entire afternoon playing hide & seek or pretend.

They are far more content, able to appreciate the blessings that they do have, and able to truly enjoy the moment they are in without always having to move on to the next thing. They are more creative and patient, more willing to share, far more empathetic towards the plight of others, and, with little to fight over, they hardly fight at all.

When I do take down a toy for them to play with (no, I didn’t throw everything away), such as their Lego blocks or dress-up clothes or or their kitchen food & dishes, that one thing will entertain them for the entire day. (The rest has more or less been forgotten and will soon make it’s way from the attic to the Goodwill pile.)

What I love even more is that they are able to recognize excess on their own. Aside from a favorite stuffed animal and the comforter on their bed, (which they both earned back), neither of them actually want their toys back on a permanent basis. They like not being overwhelmed by stuff and not having to spend so much time cleaning their room. In fact, later that very same day, as we drove to gymnastics class, Maggie said it’s okay that we don’t have any more toys Mommy. We can just read and use our imaginations. And now we won’t have to clean up every day. She understood before I did that more stuff doesn’t make us happier.

No turning back

When I first became a mom I was so happy to have a chance to start over, to undo through my children all the wrong that was done to me, to give them everything I felt I had missed out on. I wanted our lives to be perfect, and my vision of perfection included a perfectly decorated bedroom filled with beautiful things, a life where they would want for nothing.

I equated giving them stuff with making them happy, a message that our consumer driven culture hammers into our psyches from the time we our born. Oh, what a lie!

I started this blog because I am a shopaholic, and there are so many times where I buy things when I am bored or unhappy, just to fill the void. My husband laughs at me (and sometimes throws up his hand in frustration) because although I talk a good game about wanting to downsize and get rid of stuff, in reality there are still many times where I just can’t help myself from buying more.

I justify it, telling myself it was on sale or a really good deal, or something we really needed, or that I deserve it because I work so hard. In reality it is just another thing I am trying to buy to solve a problem that runs much deeper.

Stuff isn’t evil in and of itself, but in a world where we are constantly told that what we have isn’t quite good enough, the love of things can so very easily consume us. It is the pursuit of it all–more toys, cuter clothes, a prettier house, a nicer car, a bigger computer, a fancier phone–that makes us forget all the things that actually matter.

It wasn’t until after observing first hand the real and immediate changes in my children after taking their toys away that I truly began to understand. And now instead of me teaching them, they have taught me the lesson I wish I would’ve have learned a long time ago.

For our family, there’s no turning back.

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Cecilia on April 25 at

I agree that too many toys are bad. I also agree that kids’ rooms should have toy clean-outs. But I don’t agree that parents should be in charge of it.

Every so often, my dad used to tell me and my three siblings we could clean our room and fill up bags with toys & clothes we didn’t want anymore. We’d do it willingly. We still had toys and stuff in our room after that. I liked it that way. I really don’t like the whole… can’t have more than one to two toys at a time though. Storage for toys sounds great, but I think a limit on how many toys one can play with would really have stifled my creativity as a kid. Don’t get me wrong – I developed a passion for drawing and writing when I was a kid (around 3rd grade) and those were great for my creativity 🙂 But the whole doll-house thing kind of gave me that initial love for story-making, so I owe a lot to having dolls and using tons of them at a time with my sister (we liked complex stories. Which sometimes meant tons of characters. In fact, we even filmed “movie” featuring several plush toys as characters).

I also don’t agree about the… keeping more good quality toys than cheap ones. I had some quality toys, but for the most part, my parents were never rich – haha. When it came down to it though, the cheap ones were just as fun as the more expensive ones. We never had male dolls or Kens (XD) so we ended up using our creativity and cutting a girl Barbie’s hair once to include a male character in our doll house stories 😛 I feel like that kind of stuff made us appreciate what we had, and less likely to spend more money on stuff just because it’s cooler, new, trending, etc. For example, I have a TracFone and I actually prefer it to an iPhone 5 or 5 billion-whatever it is now 😀

All in all, I feel like there just needs to be a balance. Don’t give everything, nor take away everything. I feel like as long as you encourage stuff besides toys routinely, you don’t have to set limits with toy playing 🙂

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Kacie on April 26 at
I’d hug you, then give you a high-five with a “hell yeah!” if I could 🙂 Over the last year I’ve dramatically downsized the amount of “stuff” we own (between my one year old and I), and can proudly say I could pack it all up into our car if I had to. I get this. I get the why. I get the results. And couldn’t support it more. This topi hits a hot spot with people because it’s become unknown in our little society what it even really means to be spoiled. being spoiled has become so normal, we don’t recognize it anymore, or the results it has on kids.
We’ll be downsizing even MORE soon (building a 120 square foot house, not much choice, ay?) and frankly, am looking forward to the stress relief 😉
Cecilia on April 25 at
I agree that too many toys are bad. I also agree that kids’ rooms should have toy clean-outs. But I don’t agree that parents should be in charge of it.
Every so often, my dad used to tell me and my three siblings we could clean our room and fill up bags with toys & clothes we didn’t want anymore. We’d do it willingly. We still had toys and stuff in our room after that. I liked it that way. I really don’t like the whole… can’t have more than one to two toys at a time though. Storage for toys sounds great, but I think a limit on how many toys one can play with would really have stifled my creativity as a kid. Don’t get me wrong – I developed a passion for drawing and writing when I was a kid (around 3rd grade) and those were great for my creativity 🙂 But the whole doll-house thing kind of gave me that initial love for story-making, so I owe a lot to having dolls and using tons of them at a time with my sister (we liked complex stories. Which sometimes meant tons of characters. In fact, we even filmed “movie” featuring several plush toys as characters).
I also don’t agree about the… keeping more good quality toys than cheap ones. I had some quality toys, but for the most part, my parents were never rich – haha. When it came down to it though, the cheap ones were just as fun as the more expensive ones. We never had male dolls or Kens (XD) so we ended up using our creativity and cutting a girl Barbie’s hair once to include a male character in our doll house stories 😛 I feel like that kind of stuff made us appreciate what we had, and less likely to spend more money on stuff just because it’s cooler, new, trending, etc. For example, I have a TracFone and I actually prefer it to an iPhone 5 or 5 billion-whatever it is now 😀
All in all, I feel like there just needs to be a balance. Don’t give everything, nor take away everything. I feel like as long as you encourage stuff besides toys routinely, you don’t have to set limits with toy playing 🙂
Kristin on April 25 at
I loved this article! My husband and I would definitely consider doing something like this in our home. I’m so tired of hearing, “Can I have…? Will you buy…?”
Colleen on April 25 at
I was wondering how you handle birthdays and the inevitable gifts at various times of the year?
- Heather D. on May 1 at
  I was wondering the same. I feel like even though we always say the kids would like funding for an activity they love, everyone (almost) just ignores it and just buys stuff.
Brittany on April 25 at
Just wanted to throw my two cents in even though this post was written a while ago! My mother did the same thing for me when I was young. I had a habit of leaving toys out and I believe she did it more for my dad at the time, but she threw most of my stuff in as big plastic bag one day and tossed it all in the garage. I think people don’t realize how addicted to stuff we have become. I find that today I have far less attachment to junk now because of this and it has helped me in my life much more. I was more willing to be frugal in my college years, which saved me from even more debt on top of my school loans, I only just this past year purchased my first car which is saying something for someone in their 20s. My hubby and I had a small wedding that cost less than 1000 dollars, and now that I am working I can apply most of our excess income to paying off all those student loans. Not feeling so tied to things, I find that we can move much more easily if we ever have to and that having guests over is much easier cause there is less to clean up. I plan on getting debt free in 5 to 6 years! We are also expecting our first baby this year and we already are prepared for me to go on maternity leave without stress or money worries (aside from tiny newborn ones lol). Any way, I have short of rambled a bit but I thought you would like to hear from someone else that it doesn’t hurt your kids if they have less. It might even be the best thing yet for them.