Do you ever get so fed up with all the toys lying around? This is the inside story of my drastic decision to take my kids’ toys away.
As some of you already know, I’ve been on a mission this year to simplify my family’s life and rid ourselves of excess. Over the course of the past nine months I have probably given away about 75 percent of my girls’ toys, keeping only the items that I felt encouraged their imagination and that they actually played with. I thought I was doing pretty good.
Even so, there were warning signs that my kids still had too much stuff. In June, we took a field trip to Reptile World in Orlando. Afterwards we decided it would be fun to take the girls to dinner at a dinosaur-themed restaurant called T-Rex in Downtown Disney. While we were waiting to be seated my oldest daughter Maggie spotted the Build-a-Dino Workshop in the gift shop and although we immediately said “no way,” from that moment on she could think of nothing else.
All through our delicious dinner, surrounded by dramatic (fake) meteor showers and animatronic dinosaurs, she fixated on the one thing she couldn’t have rather than the cool sights we were actually experiencing.
On the three hour drive home, Husband and I–seriously concerned by our daughter’s inability to enjoy the moment–made a point to talk about all the neat stuff we had seen, what our favorite reptiles were, and how funny Trouble had been holding the snake. By the time we made it home the Build-a-Dino had been forgotten. At least by her. But we were worried.
In the weeks that followed, Chuck and I talked a lot about how we were going to handle this lack of contentment we were noticing. Then one morning near the end of July, after telling my kids to clean their room for the umpteenth time, I made the somewhat impulsive–albeit pre-warned–decision to take away ALL their stuff.
Just 2 days earlier I had spent half the day cleaning their room & re-organizing their toys and closet, which is something I do fairly regularly. I wasn’t asking them to clean some giant out-of-control mess, just to pick up a few items off the floor and put them away in the very clearly labeled baskets. Every time I came back to check on them, they had not only NOT picked up, they had made an even bigger mess.
I finally gave up and took it all away. I wasn’t angry, just fed up. I calmly began packing up not just a toy or two, but every single thing. All their dress-up clothes, baby dolls, Polly Pockets, & stuffed animals, all their Barbies, building blocks, and toy trains, right down to the the furniture from their dollhouse and play food from their kitchen. I even took the pretty Pottery Barn Kids comforter from their bed. The girls watched me in stunned silence for a few minutes and then, when the shock wore off, they helped. And just like that, their room was clear.
I had no idea what a dramatic difference this one semi-impulsive decision would make in all our lives. I first started noticing a real change about 4 weeks later when we took a family trip to Key West.
In contrast to our last outing and for the first time ever, neither girl asked us to buy a single thing the entire weekend. Not a toy, not a cheesy souvenir, not a light-up necklace from a passing street vendor. Nothing. We passed hundreds of shops and they loved looking in the window, but they were content just to be. What was most amazing to me was that we didn’t talk to them about it ahead of time. Not once did we have to tell them not to ask, or explain that being together was what mattered.
Had I not experienced it with my own eyes, I would’ve never believed that an addiction to stuff could be broken that quickly. The truth is that when I took all their stuff away, I was terrified at what would happen. I worried that I was scarring them for life, depriving them of some essential developmental need, taking away their ability to self-entertain.
In reality, the opposite has happened. Instead of being bored, they seem to have no shortage of things to do. Their attention span is much longer and they are able to mindfully focus on their task at hand. They color or read for hours at a time and happily spend the entire afternoon playing hide & seek or pretend.
They are far more content, able to appreciate the blessings that they do have, and able to truly enjoy the moment they are in without always having to move on to the next thing. They are more creative and patient, more willing to share, far more empathetic towards the plight of others, and, with little to fight over, they hardly fight at all.
When I do take down a toy for them to play with (no, I didn’t throw everything away), such as their Lego blocks or dress-up clothes or or their kitchen food & dishes, that one thing will entertain them for the entire day. (The rest has more or less been forgotten and will soon make it’s way from the attic to the Goodwill pile.)
What I love even more is that they are able to recognize excess on their own. Aside from a favorite stuffed animal and the comforter on their bed, (which they both earned back), neither of them actually want their toys back on a permanent basis. They like not being overwhelmed by stuff and not having to spend so much time cleaning their room. In fact, later that very same day, as we drove to gymnastics class, Maggie said it’s okay that we don’t have any more toys Mommy. We can just read and use our imaginations. And now we won’t have to clean up every day. She understood before I did that more stuff doesn’t make us happier.
When I first became a mom I was so happy to have a chance to start over, to undo through my children all the wrong that was done to me, to give them everything I felt I had missed out on. I wanted our lives to be perfect, and my vision of perfection included a perfectly decorated bedroom filled with beautiful things, a life where they would want for nothing.
I equated giving them stuff with making them happy, a message that our consumer driven culture hammers into our psyches from the time we our born. Oh, what a lie!
I started this blog because I am a shopaholic, and there are so many times where I buy things when I am bored or unhappy, just to fill the void. My husband laughs at me (and sometimes throws up his hand in frustration) because although I talk a good game about wanting to downsize and get rid of stuff, in reality there are still many times where I just can’t help myself from buying more.
I justify it, telling myself it was on sale or a really good deal, or something we really needed, or that I deserve it because I work so hard. In reality it is just another thing I am trying to buy to solve a problem that runs much deeper.
Stuff isn’t evil in and of itself, but in a world where we are constantly told that what we have isn’t quite good enough, the love of things can so very easily consume us. It is the pursuit of it all–more toys, cuter clothes, a prettier house, a nicer car, a bigger computer, a fancier phone–that makes us forget all the things that actually matter.
It wasn’t until after observing first hand the real and immediate changes in my children after taking their toys away that I truly began to understand. And now instead of me teaching them, they have taught me the lesson I wish I would’ve have learned a long time ago.
For our family, there’s no turning back.
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Why. Why would you do this to your kids. Now they will grow up with horrible social skills and their creativity will go down. You don't deserve kids, if all your going to do is brainwash them. "Kids back in my day had nothing" and how did they turn out, INTO HORRIBLE PARENTS LIKE YOU, and as the future got closer and toys were invented, parents changed, better, nicer, smarter. Why can't you understand this. Get it through your thick skull. Now they are never going to trust you and will always be riddled with anxiety and fear just by asking for something. They aren't asking for stuff because they are appreciating whats around them. They aren't asking for stuff BECAUSE THEY FEAR YOU WILL TAKE AWAY WHATS LEFT OF THEIRS. With toys it inspired me to want to draw out my plushies and cars. It inspired me to write stories and imagine adventures with my mermaid toys. I know your deleting these comments. So when you see this, or even look at it. You're making a big, tragic, idiotic, horrible, mindless, MISTAKE. Freaking helicopter moms. If you are also doing this because "its so great not having to pick up my kid's toys" Then why don't you teach your kids how to clean their room like my mom did. You lazy parents..
I feel the same.
Preach.
I am disgusted!! This is so cruel? Your children don't ask for anything of you because they fear what you'll do! Say you have a six year old who asks for a new book or doll. And you flip shit and throw away her stuff? Call her selfish? The only selfish people are the parents who do this! My own did it to me and after that I was afraid to talk about the things I like. Who wouldn't? I feared they would take away something of mine because I didn't do something they wanted?
YOU ARE BRAINWASHING YOUR CHILDREN.
They will never ask you for something again. Never. They are afraid of you. Kids should not fear their parents. Anyone who does this does not deserve children.
This is by far one of the most disgusting things I've ever seen.
I mean, can children not use their toys to imagine things?
I can't wait until your children grow-up and they're experienced enough to realize what a crazy helicopter mom you are.
I can understand wanting to limit technology, but thirty minutes a day? I think having two days of the week with a few hours would be more enjoyable, but whatever.
You people are freaking insane. I can't believe I'm reading this with my own two eyes.
I feel really bad for your kids, and your husband. I think that is terrible, selfish parenting and you should be ashamed.
Great Article! Would love to try this, maybe in the next few months, after my daughters 3rd Birthday.;) What are your thoughts on vaccinating your kids?
Love this!! My husband and I are thinking of trying it. We have these same issues with our son, who is a great kid but just completely obsessed with toys and electronics. The part about your daughter missing the fun because she couldn’t have the build-a-dino really struck a chord with us, as our son sulks whenever he doesn’t get a toy and misses so many special things because of it- most recently a trip to the science museum.
Here's an idea: instead of sulking about the fact that your kid is (dear lord!) attracted to mentally stimulating electronics, why don't you try actively engaging with him? You must be pretty dull if he would rather play games--or simply inattentive to the point of neglectfulness.
AMAZING POST!!!! I'm with you100%... Most people are doing it all wrong! Well done! Don't let anyone bring you down for making your girls better human beings!
While you may feel this was a positive shift in your family, I simply cannot agree. I understand that you want your children to appreciate things more, but this is simply not the way to do it; this is borderline psychological abuse. Saying no to a child is okay- I grew up in a family where my father worked three jobs and my mothers hand wore out from her profession, i know a thing or two about spending less. Nevertheless, a child's attention span is completely parallel to the child's interest. For example, that snazzy dinosaur may be more what your child wants than polly pockets and barbies, and children are messy, every parent knows that, you cannot hold them to the standards of regular people because their brains have not developed. So, taking all of their toys away taught them to fear you, and fear always trumps respect, which is a relationship a parent and child should not have. So, next time you went on vacation, your daughter learned that if she asked for anything, there would be extremely negative consequences. Now, I'm not trying to bash your parenting style and the way you choose to discipline, but please consider this from your child's point if view; what this has taught them about life and how it will affect their further decision making.
Ugh. I am not entirely sure that this is the best way to go about decluttering your child's property. When I was a child, my family had a large house with a lot of toys. Makes sense considering that my family had four kids, three of them (me included) were triplets. So the toys started to pile up. My mother, being the wise woman she is, would routinely work with us kids in decluttering the house every six months or so. She NEVER stole my toys and sold them without permission. Instead, she asked me and trusted me to maintain clutter. She never had an issue with a dirty bedroom. She designated a day every week were we cleaned our rooms, and we did so happily! Those toys were important to us kids. Those toys helped my sister become the aspiring artist. She would routinely take those toys and use them to play pretend and she would eventually use them as models for her to draw. As for me, I used my toys (almost all of them were animal related) to foster my love and interest of animals. Most of those toys were directly responsible for my writing skills today. I still use the characters and stories I created with those toys. It helped me become a balanced adult. I am not saying to shower your children in toys. Don't do that. I had a very balanced childhood where my mom let me play outside, play with toys, read, draw (One of my favorite activities) , and watch film. Too much of one thing is bad. If you want to declutter, ask your kids first. Don't be a tyrant about it.