Why I Took My Kids' Toys Away and Why They Won't Get Them Back

Do you ever get so fed up with all the toys lying around? This is the inside story of my drastic decision to take my kids’ toys away.

As some of you already know, I’ve been on a mission this year to simplify my family’s life and rid ourselves of excess. Over the course of the past nine months I have probably given away about 75 percent of my girls’ toys, keeping only the items that I felt encouraged their imagination and that they actually played with. I thought I was doing pretty good.

Even so, there were warning signs that my kids still had too much stuff. In June, we took a field trip to Reptile World in Orlando. Afterwards we decided it would be fun to take the girls to dinner at a dinosaur-themed restaurant called T-Rex in Downtown Disney. While we were waiting to be seated my oldest daughter Maggie spotted the Build-a-Dino Workshop in the gift shop and although we immediately said “no way,” from that moment on she could think of nothing else.

All through our delicious dinner, surrounded by dramatic (fake) meteor showers and animatronic dinosaurs, she fixated on the one thing she couldn’t have rather than the cool sights we were actually experiencing.

On the three hour drive home, Husband and I–seriously concerned by our daughter’s inability to enjoy the moment–made a point to talk about all the neat stuff we had seen, what our favorite reptiles were, and how funny Trouble had been holding the snake. By the time we made it home the Build-a-Dino had been forgotten. At least by her. But we were worried.

The Breaking Point

In the weeks that followed, Chuck and I talked a lot about how we were going to handle this lack of contentment we were noticing. Then one morning near the end of July, after telling my kids to clean their room for the umpteenth time, I made the somewhat impulsive–albeit pre-warned–decision to take away ALL their stuff.

Just 2 days earlier I had spent half the day cleaning their room & re-organizing their toys and closet, which is something I do fairly regularly. I wasn’t asking them to clean some giant out-of-control mess, just to pick up a few items off the floor and put them away in the very clearly labeled baskets. Every time I came back to check on them, they had not only NOT picked up, they had made an even bigger mess.

Why I Took My Kids’ Toys Away (& Why They Won’t Get Them Back)

I finally gave up and took it all away. I wasn’t angry, just fed up. I calmly began packing up not just a toy or two, but every single thing. All their dress-up clothes, baby dolls, Polly Pockets, & stuffed animals, all their Barbies, building blocks, and toy trains, right down to the the furniture from their dollhouse and play food from their kitchen. I even took the pretty Pottery Barn Kids comforter from their bed. The girls watched me in stunned silence for a few minutes and then, when the shock wore off, they helped. And just like that, their room was clear.

The Paradigm Shift

I had no idea what a dramatic difference this one semi-impulsive decision would make in all our lives. I first started noticing a real change about 4 weeks later when we took a family trip to Key West.

In contrast to our last outing and for the first time ever, neither girl asked us to buy a single thing the entire weekend. Not a toy, not a cheesy souvenir, not a light-up necklace from a passing street vendor. Nothing. We passed hundreds of shops and they loved looking in the window, but they were content just to be. What was most amazing to me was that we didn’t talk to them about it ahead of time. Not once did we have to tell them not to ask, or explain that being together was what mattered.

Had I not experienced it with my own eyes, I would’ve never believed that an addiction to stuff could be broken that quickly. The truth is that when I took all their stuff away, I was terrified at what would happen. I worried that I was scarring them for life, depriving them of some essential developmental need, taking away their ability to self-entertain.

So…what happened??

In reality, the opposite has happened. Instead of being bored, they seem to have no shortage of things to do. Their attention span is much longer and they are able to mindfully focus on their task at hand. They color or read for hours at a time and happily spend the entire afternoon playing hide & seek or pretend.

They are far more content, able to appreciate the blessings that they do have, and able to truly enjoy the moment they are in without always having to move on to the next thing. They are more creative and patient, more willing to share, far more empathetic towards the plight of others, and, with little to fight over, they hardly fight at all.

When I do take down a toy for them to play with (no, I didn’t throw everything away), such as their Lego blocks or dress-up clothes or or their kitchen food & dishes, that one thing will entertain them for the entire day. (The rest has more or less been forgotten and will soon make it’s way from the attic to the Goodwill pile.)

What I love even more is that they are able to recognize excess on their own. Aside from a favorite stuffed animal and the comforter on their bed, (which they both earned back), neither of them actually want their toys back on a permanent basis. They like not being overwhelmed by stuff and not having to spend so much time cleaning their room. In fact, later that very same day, as we drove to gymnastics class, Maggie said it’s okay that we don’t have any more toys Mommy. We can just read and use our imaginations. And now we won’t have to clean up every day. She understood before I did that more stuff doesn’t make us happier.

No turning back

When I first became a mom I was so happy to have a chance to start over, to undo through my children all the wrong that was done to me, to give them everything I felt I had missed out on. I wanted our lives to be perfect, and my vision of perfection included a perfectly decorated bedroom filled with beautiful things, a life where they would want for nothing.

I equated giving them stuff with making them happy, a message that our consumer driven culture hammers into our psyches from the time we our born. Oh, what a lie!

I started this blog because I am a shopaholic, and there are so many times where I buy things when I am bored or unhappy, just to fill the void. My husband laughs at me (and sometimes throws up his hand in frustration) because although I talk a good game about wanting to downsize and get rid of stuff, in reality there are still many times where I just can’t help myself from buying more.

I justify it, telling myself it was on sale or a really good deal, or something we really needed, or that I deserve it because I work so hard. In reality it is just another thing I am trying to buy to solve a problem that runs much deeper.

Stuff isn’t evil in and of itself, but in a world where we are constantly told that what we have isn’t quite good enough, the love of things can so very easily consume us. It is the pursuit of it all–more toys, cuter clothes, a prettier house, a nicer car, a bigger computer, a fancier phone–that makes us forget all the things that actually matter.

It wasn’t until after observing first hand the real and immediate changes in my children after taking their toys away that I truly began to understand. And now instead of me teaching them, they have taught me the lesson I wish I would’ve have learned a long time ago.

For our family, there’s no turning back.

Want to know what happened? Read the updates here:

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sara on October 28 at

Before I even get into this, taking away bedding could count as neglect and I fully think you should be in jail.
I am an adult. As a child, my things were taken from me, and when my parents bought things for me (even if they offered to do so), they would guilt trip me about how much money I’m costing them. As a result, I became paranoid about what they’d steal next. I became afraid to ask for anything, not just toys. I was terrified to ask for help with homework, scared to ask about medical needs, and I’m still suffering with asking for help 20+ years later. You taking from your kids like this isn’t just wrong, it’s emotional abuse. Kids will comply with what you say out of fear that you will take more. They are not behaving well, they are behaving in a way that keeps them safe. You will see it as mature and well mannered. They will see it as a way to appease the person who threatens their belongings and don’t want to have more taken from them. They won’t ask for more because of what happened last time. Believe me, I know. I’m not going to sit here and debate my past and trauma. You are a bad manipulative parent and you are going to have to face that someday when they leave the house and are hesitant to contact you about anything. You will have to face your actions and what you did to them when they are hesitant to invite you to big life events. Although knowing people like you, as my parents are, you will never learn and continue thinking you are right. Nothing will break through that thick mentality, not even facts. YOU are going to need to take responsibility for your kids distancing themselves from you someday. You let them have a few toys? Okay and? That doesn’t erase that you took everything else including bedding. That doesn’t erase the fact that you violated their space and their belongings. NO adult, not even parents have the right to make kids feel helpless and trapped. Kids should not feel like they can’t ask for things without getting punished because their parent has some self righteous idea about clean or clutter. I hope your kids one day look back and realize how terrible this is and not make the same mistakes you did. You probably won’t read this. If you do you probably won’t get the point and try to gaslight me or try to stand on your podium of doing what you want because they’re your kids. Yeah I know they’re your kids and I would hope you’d think of them more. But you won’t. You’ll do anything to prove you’re right when you’re not. You’ll defend yourself because you feel threatened with having to face the facts that what you did was damaging. I hope that you realize this, I don’t have faith that you will. The only thing I can hope for that might come true is your kids growing up and getting away from you and not repeating what you did to them.

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Run run runaway on July 31 at
I am a collector of things I lost as a child or rather that my mother lost or threw away or gave away…who knows. If it were me, I would have let them pick out the toys that they wanted to keep but you only kept toys that you thought….would be good for them. I hope they do not become problems for you later on. I was an habitual runaway when I was younger because my mother was that controlling. My father never forgave my grandmother because she left his microscope behind once when they moved when he was really young. Things are just things and are replaceable but to a child…things mean much more especially if you have raised them that way from the beginning. Oh well, I do not meant to be a “Karen” or insult you. I am just trying to be helpful to you. I see that so far, you have good results. Let me add that my mother was controlling and I have not had a conversation with her on the phone in years. When I was a young child, like 6 years old and older, I dreamed of the day that I would be free from her control. I was transferred out of state with my job and never looked back. I ran away 3 times when I was a kid. My mother always used to tell me…I love you but I do not like you. That is exactly how I feel about her now.
Jamie on June 29 at
Yikes. It’s highly likely that your kids are going to end up with anxiety as adults and it will probably take them years to understand this as a root cause.
Children are supposed to have toys, self expression, some messiness. What you’ve taught them is that things can be taken away at the drop of a hat. As an adult they will be less trusting and likely distance themselves from you.
NA'Arah Talitha on May 28 at
I have been wanting to do this for some time. Thank you for this post and the encouragement to step out side of the box!
click for more on November 14 at
Toys are essential for kids and parents some toys for kids so that their children play and enjoy with them.
sara on October 28 at
Before I even get into this, taking away bedding could count as neglect and I fully think you should be in jail.
I am an adult. As a child, my things were taken from me, and when my parents bought things for me (even if they offered to do so), they would guilt trip me about how much money I’m costing them. As a result, I became paranoid about what they’d steal next. I became afraid to ask for anything, not just toys. I was terrified to ask for help with homework, scared to ask about medical needs, and I’m still suffering with asking for help 20+ years later. You taking from your kids like this isn’t just wrong, it’s emotional abuse. Kids will comply with what you say out of fear that you will take more. They are not behaving well, they are behaving in a way that keeps them safe. You will see it as mature and well mannered. They will see it as a way to appease the person who threatens their belongings and don’t want to have more taken from them. They won’t ask for more because of what happened last time. Believe me, I know. I’m not going to sit here and debate my past and trauma. You are a bad manipulative parent and you are going to have to face that someday when they leave the house and are hesitant to contact you about anything. You will have to face your actions and what you did to them when they are hesitant to invite you to big life events. Although knowing people like you, as my parents are, you will never learn and continue thinking you are right. Nothing will break through that thick mentality, not even facts. YOU are going to need to take responsibility for your kids distancing themselves from you someday. You let them have a few toys? Okay and? That doesn’t erase that you took everything else including bedding. That doesn’t erase the fact that you violated their space and their belongings. NO adult, not even parents have the right to make kids feel helpless and trapped. Kids should not feel like they can’t ask for things without getting punished because their parent has some self righteous idea about clean or clutter. I hope your kids one day look back and realize how terrible this is and not make the same mistakes you did. You probably won’t read this. If you do you probably won’t get the point and try to gaslight me or try to stand on your podium of doing what you want because they’re your kids. Yeah I know they’re your kids and I would hope you’d think of them more. But you won’t. You’ll do anything to prove you’re right when you’re not. You’ll defend yourself because you feel threatened with having to face the facts that what you did was damaging. I hope that you realize this, I don’t have faith that you will. The only thing I can hope for that might come true is your kids growing up and getting away from you and not repeating what you did to them.