Why I Took My Kids' Toys Away and Why They Won't Get Them Back

Do you ever get so fed up with all the toys lying around? This is the inside story of my drastic decision to take my kids’ toys away.

As some of you already know, I’ve been on a mission this year to simplify my family’s life and rid ourselves of excess. Over the course of the past nine months I have probably given away about 75 percent of my girls’ toys, keeping only the items that I felt encouraged their imagination and that they actually played with. I thought I was doing pretty good.

Even so, there were warning signs that my kids still had too much stuff. In June, we took a field trip to Reptile World in Orlando. Afterwards we decided it would be fun to take the girls to dinner at a dinosaur-themed restaurant called T-Rex in Downtown Disney. While we were waiting to be seated my oldest daughter Maggie spotted the Build-a-Dino Workshop in the gift shop and although we immediately said “no way,” from that moment on she could think of nothing else.

All through our delicious dinner, surrounded by dramatic (fake) meteor showers and animatronic dinosaurs, she fixated on the one thing she couldn’t have rather than the cool sights we were actually experiencing.

On the three hour drive home, Husband and I–seriously concerned by our daughter’s inability to enjoy the moment–made a point to talk about all the neat stuff we had seen, what our favorite reptiles were, and how funny Trouble had been holding the snake. By the time we made it home the Build-a-Dino had been forgotten. At least by her. But we were worried.

The Breaking Point

In the weeks that followed, Chuck and I talked a lot about how we were going to handle this lack of contentment we were noticing. Then one morning near the end of July, after telling my kids to clean their room for the umpteenth time, I made the somewhat impulsive–albeit pre-warned–decision to take away ALL their stuff.

Just 2 days earlier I had spent half the day cleaning their room & re-organizing their toys and closet, which is something I do fairly regularly. I wasn’t asking them to clean some giant out-of-control mess, just to pick up a few items off the floor and put them away in the very clearly labeled baskets. Every time I came back to check on them, they had not only NOT picked up, they had made an even bigger mess.

Why I Took My Kids’ Toys Away (& Why They Won’t Get Them Back)

I finally gave up and took it all away. I wasn’t angry, just fed up. I calmly began packing up not just a toy or two, but every single thing. All their dress-up clothes, baby dolls, Polly Pockets, & stuffed animals, all their Barbies, building blocks, and toy trains, right down to the the furniture from their dollhouse and play food from their kitchen. I even took the pretty Pottery Barn Kids comforter from their bed. The girls watched me in stunned silence for a few minutes and then, when the shock wore off, they helped. And just like that, their room was clear.

The Paradigm Shift

I had no idea what a dramatic difference this one semi-impulsive decision would make in all our lives. I first started noticing a real change about 4 weeks later when we took a family trip to Key West.

In contrast to our last outing and for the first time ever, neither girl asked us to buy a single thing the entire weekend. Not a toy, not a cheesy souvenir, not a light-up necklace from a passing street vendor. Nothing. We passed hundreds of shops and they loved looking in the window, but they were content just to be. What was most amazing to me was that we didn’t talk to them about it ahead of time. Not once did we have to tell them not to ask, or explain that being together was what mattered.

Had I not experienced it with my own eyes, I would’ve never believed that an addiction to stuff could be broken that quickly. The truth is that when I took all their stuff away, I was terrified at what would happen. I worried that I was scarring them for life, depriving them of some essential developmental need, taking away their ability to self-entertain.

So…what happened??

In reality, the opposite has happened. Instead of being bored, they seem to have no shortage of things to do. Their attention span is much longer and they are able to mindfully focus on their task at hand. They color or read for hours at a time and happily spend the entire afternoon playing hide & seek or pretend.

They are far more content, able to appreciate the blessings that they do have, and able to truly enjoy the moment they are in without always having to move on to the next thing. They are more creative and patient, more willing to share, far more empathetic towards the plight of others, and, with little to fight over, they hardly fight at all.

When I do take down a toy for them to play with (no, I didn’t throw everything away), such as their Lego blocks or dress-up clothes or or their kitchen food & dishes, that one thing will entertain them for the entire day. (The rest has more or less been forgotten and will soon make it’s way from the attic to the Goodwill pile.)

What I love even more is that they are able to recognize excess on their own. Aside from a favorite stuffed animal and the comforter on their bed, (which they both earned back), neither of them actually want their toys back on a permanent basis. They like not being overwhelmed by stuff and not having to spend so much time cleaning their room. In fact, later that very same day, as we drove to gymnastics class, Maggie said it’s okay that we don’t have any more toys Mommy. We can just read and use our imaginations. And now we won’t have to clean up every day. She understood before I did that more stuff doesn’t make us happier.

No turning back

When I first became a mom I was so happy to have a chance to start over, to undo through my children all the wrong that was done to me, to give them everything I felt I had missed out on. I wanted our lives to be perfect, and my vision of perfection included a perfectly decorated bedroom filled with beautiful things, a life where they would want for nothing.

I equated giving them stuff with making them happy, a message that our consumer driven culture hammers into our psyches from the time we our born. Oh, what a lie!

I started this blog because I am a shopaholic, and there are so many times where I buy things when I am bored or unhappy, just to fill the void. My husband laughs at me (and sometimes throws up his hand in frustration) because although I talk a good game about wanting to downsize and get rid of stuff, in reality there are still many times where I just can’t help myself from buying more.

I justify it, telling myself it was on sale or a really good deal, or something we really needed, or that I deserve it because I work so hard. In reality it is just another thing I am trying to buy to solve a problem that runs much deeper.

Stuff isn’t evil in and of itself, but in a world where we are constantly told that what we have isn’t quite good enough, the love of things can so very easily consume us. It is the pursuit of it all–more toys, cuter clothes, a prettier house, a nicer car, a bigger computer, a fancier phone–that makes us forget all the things that actually matter.

It wasn’t until after observing first hand the real and immediate changes in my children after taking their toys away that I truly began to understand. And now instead of me teaching them, they have taught me the lesson I wish I would’ve have learned a long time ago.

For our family, there’s no turning back.

Want to know what happened? Read the updates here:

Ready to take action? This is your last chance to grab your Living Well Spending Less resources before we close the doors on April 30, 2024. Check out all our final offers here.

TAKE BACK CONTROL OF YOUR HOME LIFE

Ever feel like you just can't keep up? Our Living Well Starter Guide will show you how to start streamlining your life in just 3 simple steps. It's a game changer--get it free for a limited time!

If you love this resource, be sure to check out our digital library of helpful tools and resources for cleaning faster, taking control of your budget, organizing your schedule, and getting food on the table easier than ever before.

GET ACCESS TO HOME SYSTEMS TOOLBOX NOW

Amelia S. on August 27 at

I get where you’re coming from. Really, I do. Having to repeat the same thin g over and over again with no results is frustrating, but there are better ways you could have gone about this. When your daughters wouldn’t clean their room, okay, take their toys away, with an ultimatum of “you get them back when the room is clean”. When they cleaned their room, sit down and talk to them. Kids are smart, they can have intelligent conversations! Tell them flat out, they have a lot of stuff, and they don’t really use a lot of it. Ask them what they would be okay with getting rid of. They’ll separate their things out, and if there’s still too much stuff for your liking, go through things individually. Ask them why they want to keep it. If they can’t think of an answer, ask them again if they would rather get rid of it. They’ll be willing to get rid of things, and this method is far less likely to breed fear or resentment. I know you said they were happy, but kids are good actors. Do they not ask for things because they don’t want them, or because they’re afraid you’ll throw them away? I have social anxiety, have had it since I was young, and one of the ways it presents is that I’m terrified of asking for things from people. My parents, my friends, anyone. Maybe this isn’t what your kids are experiencing, but the whole situation sounds far too familiar to sit comfortably with me.

Another thing that confuses me is your insistence that this will help their imagination. Kids have limited knowledge. They cannot imagine things that they’ve never heard of, or seen before. Toys help with that. Having dolls that you can physically move around and dress up is far more interesting than creating it entirely in your mind. It’s also way more interactive when your daughters have friends over. I’m not going to lie, I had a fair amount of stuff as a kid. Some of it I never used, as it came from relatives who didn’t know me very well. My parents shelved it, and after getting the okay from me, would give it away. But dolls and stuffed animals? I had endless amounts of them, and it wasn’t a bad thing. Many of the stuffed animals I still have, partly because they are a major physical comfort when the anxiety flares up, but also because I have emotional attachments to them. Why? Because I correlate them with the experiences you’re so insistent on your children remembering. Memories from a young age are fuzzy at best. Things help solidify those memories. I remember playing superheroes with my brother because I still have the stuffed dogs we would use. I remember my first friend Emma’s birthday party because of the picture frame I made. I remember counting down the minutes until my dad came home from work so I could play video games with him. I remember playing the same video games with my cousins, and making stories about all of our stuffed animals together. Experiences are tied into the stuff you want to get rid of. Objects hold memories. Allow your kids to make some. Allow them to pull out the most contradictory of toys and watch as they find ways to use them together. Let your kids go through phases. Please, please let your kids go through phases, no matter how quickly they stop using the items that went with it, because eventually, some of those phases are going to stick. Dressing up dolls might become a love of fashion and design, that build-a-dino workshop might have sparked an interest in different species. Or maybe it doesn’t. Maybe the dinosaur just becomes another stuffed toy on her shelf. You don’t know. Give your kids the opportunity to figure out what they like. You never know unless you let them experience it. Objects are experiences, you just have to use them right.

843 Comments

← Older Comments

Newer Comments →

Brittany on September 1 at
I think this is an awesome idea me n my fiancé are actually in the process of taking our kids toys away from them.. If you have any advice or tips please please give me some. I for sure need the help.
Bailey on August 29 at
This is very sad and tragic to read. Your children are only beyond well behaved and quiet because they now fear asking you for anything. Good job! At least you’ll never have to put up with their pretty problems again! You are such a good mommy for doing what’s best for your kids. They should know (since their brains are so well developed) that you really have their best interests at mind and aren’t just taking away their ability to socialize normally or expand their imaginations. It’s not as if your children are never going to trust you again or be able to foster their own creativity. As a child, I had tons of toys. Not one of them hurt me or made me more materialistic. In fact, I have a vibrant imagination and now seek enjoyment out of life’s finer moments. But guess what, I’m an adult! My brain is fully developed and I don’t need stem developing objects, such as an abundance of toys, to help me. I feel so bad for your little girls, Lord, they don’t understand and they will always feel punished to ask you for things now. Let your children be children and stop forcing them to mature so early! They are a prime example of where social anxiety comes from. You aren’t paying attention to the future of your children and what developmental processes they are currently undergoing. Good luck in the future with those rebellious teens!
Amelia S. on August 27 at
I get where you’re coming from. Really, I do. Having to repeat the same thin g over and over again with no results is frustrating, but there are better ways you could have gone about this. When your daughters wouldn’t clean their room, okay, take their toys away, with an ultimatum of “you get them back when the room is clean”. When they cleaned their room, sit down and talk to them. Kids are smart, they can have intelligent conversations! Tell them flat out, they have a lot of stuff, and they don’t really use a lot of it. Ask them what they would be okay with getting rid of. They’ll separate their things out, and if there’s still too much stuff for your liking, go through things individually. Ask them why they want to keep it. If they can’t think of an answer, ask them again if they would rather get rid of it. They’ll be willing to get rid of things, and this method is far less likely to breed fear or resentment. I know you said they were happy, but kids are good actors. Do they not ask for things because they don’t want them, or because they’re afraid you’ll throw them away? I have social anxiety, have had it since I was young, and one of the ways it presents is that I’m terrified of asking for things from people. My parents, my friends, anyone. Maybe this isn’t what your kids are experiencing, but the whole situation sounds far too familiar to sit comfortably with me.
Another thing that confuses me is your insistence that this will help their imagination. Kids have limited knowledge. They cannot imagine things that they’ve never heard of, or seen before. Toys help with that. Having dolls that you can physically move around and dress up is far more interesting than creating it entirely in your mind. It’s also way more interactive when your daughters have friends over. I’m not going to lie, I had a fair amount of stuff as a kid. Some of it I never used, as it came from relatives who didn’t know me very well. My parents shelved it, and after getting the okay from me, would give it away. But dolls and stuffed animals? I had endless amounts of them, and it wasn’t a bad thing. Many of the stuffed animals I still have, partly because they are a major physical comfort when the anxiety flares up, but also because I have emotional attachments to them. Why? Because I correlate them with the experiences you’re so insistent on your children remembering. Memories from a young age are fuzzy at best. Things help solidify those memories. I remember playing superheroes with my brother because I still have the stuffed dogs we would use. I remember my first friend Emma’s birthday party because of the picture frame I made. I remember counting down the minutes until my dad came home from work so I could play video games with him. I remember playing the same video games with my cousins, and making stories about all of our stuffed animals together. Experiences are tied into the stuff you want to get rid of. Objects hold memories. Allow your kids to make some. Allow them to pull out the most contradictory of toys and watch as they find ways to use them together. Let your kids go through phases. Please, please let your kids go through phases, no matter how quickly they stop using the items that went with it, because eventually, some of those phases are going to stick. Dressing up dolls might become a love of fashion and design, that build-a-dino workshop might have sparked an interest in different species. Or maybe it doesn’t. Maybe the dinosaur just becomes another stuffed toy on her shelf. You don’t know. Give your kids the opportunity to figure out what they like. You never know unless you let them experience it. Objects are experiences, you just have to use them right.
Bevi on August 27 at
Far be in from me to tell you how to raise your kids – but I certainly hope you returned at least some toys to them.
If you talk to doctors or psychiatrists each will tell you that this was a huge huge HUGE mistake. Toys are fundamental building blocks for kids. They help them build motor and social skills. Also, it helps stimulate a child’s imagination greatly. By taking them away you are doing nothing but stunting a child’s growth.
Now, I agree – a child doesn’t need 80 billion toys. But they do need a variety that can be utilized in different ways.
Furthermore, you mentioned how the girls have become more well-mannered, etc. This most likely has nothing to do with the toys and everything to do with a fear that you will take away something else that is important to them. They do not ask because – even if they do receive the item – you will most likely take it away. As I said – it has most likely stunted their emotional growth.
My advice to you is to rebuild the trust your broke of your kids. If they previously had a favorite toy, hunt it down, buy it. and return it to them. Otherwise these children will grow up and when they’re 40 or 50 they will still remember ‘that time when mom and day took away ____.’ I know, because this happened to me as a child. Granted, mine wasn’t forcibly removed, but when we moved it got lost. And I still remember my Jenny doll, and I remember being miserable for a lot of my young life and frustrated that my mom didn’t try harder to find her.
Do you really want that?
- Ruth Soukup on August 29 at
  Since this original post was written several years ago, I’ve since written an update to this post, which can be found here: https://www.livingwellspendingless.com/2013/09/13/why-i-took-my-kids-toys-away-one-year-later/
Anonymous on August 24 at
I think this is absolutely wonderful and it gives me the courage to continue on the path that I have started to take with my entire house!! I really feel like we all have to much “stuff” and I feel like we can’t concentrate because of all of it!! Good job and thanks for writing about it!!