Do you ever get so fed up with all the toys lying around? This is the inside story of my drastic decision to take my kids’ toys away.
As some of you already know, I’ve been on a mission this year to simplify my family’s life and rid ourselves of excess. Over the course of the past nine months I have probably given away about 75 percent of my girls’ toys, keeping only the items that I felt encouraged their imagination and that they actually played with. I thought I was doing pretty good.
Even so, there were warning signs that my kids still had too much stuff. In June, we took a field trip to Reptile World in Orlando. Afterwards we decided it would be fun to take the girls to dinner at a dinosaur-themed restaurant called T-Rex in Downtown Disney. While we were waiting to be seated my oldest daughter Maggie spotted the Build-a-Dino Workshop in the gift shop and although we immediately said “no way,” from that moment on she could think of nothing else.
All through our delicious dinner, surrounded by dramatic (fake) meteor showers and animatronic dinosaurs, she fixated on the one thing she couldn’t have rather than the cool sights we were actually experiencing.
On the three hour drive home, Husband and I–seriously concerned by our daughter’s inability to enjoy the moment–made a point to talk about all the neat stuff we had seen, what our favorite reptiles were, and how funny Trouble had been holding the snake. By the time we made it home the Build-a-Dino had been forgotten. At least by her. But we were worried.
The Breaking Point
In the weeks that followed, Chuck and I talked a lot about how we were going to handle this lack of contentment we were noticing. Then one morning near the end of July, after telling my kids to clean their room for the umpteenth time, I made the somewhat impulsive–albeit pre-warned–decision to take away ALL their stuff.
Just 2 days earlier I had spent half the day cleaning their room & re-organizing their toys and closet, which is something I do fairly regularly. I wasn’t asking them to clean some giant out-of-control mess, just to pick up a few items off the floor and put them away in the very clearly labeled baskets. Every time I came back to check on them, they had not only NOT picked up, they had made an even bigger mess.
Why I Took My Kids’ Toys Away (& Why They Won’t Get Them Back)
I finally gave up and took it all away. I wasn’t angry, just fed up. I calmly began packing up not just a toy or two, but every single thing. All their dress-up clothes, baby dolls, Polly Pockets, & stuffed animals, all their Barbies, building blocks, and toy trains, right down to the the furniture from their dollhouse and play food from their kitchen. I even took the pretty Pottery Barn Kids comforter from their bed. The girls watched me in stunned silence for a few minutes and then, when the shock wore off, they helped. And just like that, their room was clear.
The Paradigm Shift
I had no idea what a dramatic difference this one semi-impulsive decision would make in all our lives. I first started noticing a real change about 4 weeks later when we took a family trip to Key West.
In contrast to our last outing and for the first time ever, neither girl asked us to buy a single thing the entire weekend. Not a toy, not a cheesy souvenir, not a light-up necklace from a passing street vendor. Nothing. We passed hundreds of shops and they loved looking in the window, but they were content just to be. What was most amazing to me was that we didn’t talk to them about it ahead of time. Not once did we have to tell them not to ask, or explain that being together was what mattered.
Had I not experienced it with my own eyes, I would’ve never believed that an addiction to stuff could be broken that quickly. The truth is that when I took all their stuff away, I was terrified at what would happen. I worried that I was scarring them for life, depriving them of some essential developmental need, taking away their ability to self-entertain.
So…what happened??
In reality, the opposite has happened. Instead of being bored, they seem to have no shortage of things to do. Their attention span is much longer and they are able to mindfully focus on their task at hand. They color or read for hours at a time and happily spend the entire afternoon playing hide & seek or pretend.
They are far more content, able to appreciate the blessings that they do have, and able to truly enjoy the moment they are in without always having to move on to the next thing. They are more creative and patient, more willing to share, far more empathetic towards the plight of others, and, with little to fight over, they hardly fight at all.
When I do take down a toy for them to play with (no, I didn’t throw everything away), such as their Lego blocks or dress-up clothes or or their kitchen food & dishes, that one thing will entertain them for the entire day. (The rest has more or less been forgotten and will soon make it’s way from the attic to the Goodwill pile.)
What I love even more is that they are able to recognize excess on their own. Aside from a favorite stuffed animal and the comforter on their bed, (which they both earned back), neither of them actually want their toys back on a permanent basis. They like not being overwhelmed by stuff and not having to spend so much time cleaning their room. In fact, later that very same day, as we drove to gymnastics class, Maggie said it’s okay that we don’t have any more toys Mommy. We can just read and use our imaginations. And now we won’t have to clean up every day. She understood before I did that more stuff doesn’t make us happier.
No turning back
When I first became a mom I was so happy to have a chance to start over, to undo through my children all the wrong that was done to me, to give them everything I felt I had missed out on. I wanted our lives to be perfect, and my vision of perfection included a perfectly decorated bedroom filled with beautiful things, a life where they would want for nothing.
I equated giving them stuff with making them happy, a message that our consumer driven culture hammers into our psyches from the time we our born. Oh, what a lie!
I started this blog because I am a shopaholic, and there are so many times where I buy things when I am bored or unhappy, just to fill the void. My husband laughs at me (and sometimes throws up his hand in frustration) because although I talk a good game about wanting to downsize and get rid of stuff, in reality there are still many times where I just can’t help myself from buying more.
I justify it, telling myself it was on sale or a really good deal, or something we really needed, or that I deserve it because I work so hard. In reality it is just another thing I am trying to buy to solve a problem that runs much deeper.
Stuff isn’t evil in and of itself, but in a world where we are constantly told that what we have isn’t quite good enough, the love of things can so very easily consume us. It is the pursuit of it all–more toys, cuter clothes, a prettier house, a nicer car, a bigger computer, a fancier phone–that makes us forget all the things that actually matter.
It wasn’t until after observing first hand the real and immediate changes in my children after taking their toys away that I truly began to understand. And now instead of me teaching them, they have taught me the lesson I wish I would’ve have learned a long time ago.
For our family, there’s no turning back.
Want to know what happened? Read the updates here:
Ready to take action? This is your last chance to grab your Living Well Spending Less resources before we close the doors on April 30, 2024. Check out all our final offers here.
You may also like:
- How to Unspoil Your Kids
- 5 Tips for Raising Kids You Actually Like
- Why I Refuse to Be a Helicopter Mom
Ruth Soukup
Latest posts by Ruth Soukup (see all)
- Stop Worrying About Money - July 19
- How to Fit In More Fitness - April 28
- The Most Powerful Decision You’ll Ever Make - April 27
TAKE BACK CONTROL OF YOUR HOME LIFE
Ever feel like you just can't keep up? Our Living Well Starter Guide will show you how to start streamlining your life in just 3 simple steps. It's a game changer--get it free for a limited time!
If you love this resource, be sure to check out our digital library of helpful tools and resources for cleaning faster, taking control of your budget, organizing your schedule, and getting food on the table easier than ever before.
You do realize that kids’ toys have proven to stimulate their developing minds, right? Kids use those toys to play pretend, which encourages creativity; even video games in moderation allow children to learn how to think quickly and figure out innovative solutions to puzzles. Additionally, since these are the only items a child really has control over, it allows them to develop a sense of autonomy while securing their own environment.
Additionally, you claim that your children are less likely to ask you for things now, the fact is that the last time your daughter asked for something, she was punished by having all of her things taken away.
Essentially, your kids are probably going to grow up with developmental delays and severe trust issues towards you. I’d be happy that it would be the direct result of your shitty parenting, but your kids didn’t deserve to be dumbed down to your level.
I hope your husband divorces you and take your kids with him. At least they’ll have better lives without such a control freak like you.
Say it out loud everyone: This. Is. Emotional. Abuse.
Your kids will grow up ending up with literally, if not already have, no social skills and freaking anxiety because of what you did. You are possibly the worst mom I have ever seen, a complete control freak over everyone in your family, including your own husband no less.
I feel so sorry for those kids and having to live their rest of their lives, even before their at least ten, to have their own mother take away everything they have an interest in, and continue to act like a puppeteer to THREE YEAR OLDS, and continue to have a stupid mother who excuses what she’s doing to them as something “They’ll thank me for when they’re older” , and continue to act like a tyrant. I wonder if they’ll be thanking you for giving them anxiety to ask for things, because it sure looks like that’s the only think they’ll be getting from your terrible parenting “methods.”
Why. Why would you do this to your kids. Now they will grow up with horrible social skills and their creativity will go down. You don’t deserve kids, if all your going to do is brainwash them. “Kids back in my day had nothing” and how did they turn out, INTO HORRIBLE PARENTS LIKE YOU, and as the future got closer and toys were invented, parents changed, better, nicer, smarter. Why can’t you understand this. Get it through your thick skull. Now they are never going to trust you and will always be riddled with anxiety and fear just by asking for something. They aren’t asking for stuff because they are appreciating whats around them. They aren’t asking for stuff BECAUSE THEY FEAR YOU WILL TAKE AWAY WHATS LEFT OF THEIRS. With toys it inspired me to want to draw out my plushies and cars. It inspired me to write stories and imagine adventures with my mermaid toys. I know your deleting these comments. So when you see this, or even look at it. You’re making a big, tragic, idiotic, horrible, mindless, MISTAKE. Freaking helicopter moms. If you are also doing this because “its so great not having to pick up my kid’s toys” Then why don’t you teach your kids how to clean their room like my mom did. You lazy parents..
Preach.
I feel the same.
I am disgusted!! This is so cruel? Your children don’t ask for anything of you because they fear what you’ll do! Say you have a six year old who asks for a new book or doll. And you flip shit and throw away her stuff? Call her selfish? The only selfish people are the parents who do this! My own did it to me and after that I was afraid to talk about the things I like. Who wouldn’t? I feared they would take away something of mine because I didn’t do something they wanted?
YOU ARE BRAINWASHING YOUR CHILDREN.
They will never ask you for something again. Never. They are afraid of you. Kids should not fear their parents. Anyone who does this does not deserve children.