Do you ever get so fed up with all the toys lying around? This is the inside story of my drastic decision to take my kids’ toys away.
As some of you already know, I’ve been on a mission this year to simplify my family’s life and rid ourselves of excess. Over the course of the past nine months I have probably given away about 75 percent of my girls’ toys, keeping only the items that I felt encouraged their imagination and that they actually played with. I thought I was doing pretty good.
Even so, there were warning signs that my kids still had too much stuff. In June, we took a field trip to Reptile World in Orlando. Afterwards we decided it would be fun to take the girls to dinner at a dinosaur-themed restaurant called T-Rex in Downtown Disney. While we were waiting to be seated my oldest daughter Maggie spotted the Build-a-Dino Workshop in the gift shop and although we immediately said “no way,” from that moment on she could think of nothing else.
All through our delicious dinner, surrounded by dramatic (fake) meteor showers and animatronic dinosaurs, she fixated on the one thing she couldn’t have rather than the cool sights we were actually experiencing.
On the three hour drive home, Husband and I–seriously concerned by our daughter’s inability to enjoy the moment–made a point to talk about all the neat stuff we had seen, what our favorite reptiles were, and how funny Trouble had been holding the snake. By the time we made it home the Build-a-Dino had been forgotten. At least by her. But we were worried.
In the weeks that followed, Chuck and I talked a lot about how we were going to handle this lack of contentment we were noticing. Then one morning near the end of July, after telling my kids to clean their room for the umpteenth time, I made the somewhat impulsive–albeit pre-warned–decision to take away ALL their stuff.
Just 2 days earlier I had spent half the day cleaning their room & re-organizing their toys and closet, which is something I do fairly regularly. I wasn’t asking them to clean some giant out-of-control mess, just to pick up a few items off the floor and put them away in the very clearly labeled baskets. Every time I came back to check on them, they had not only NOT picked up, they had made an even bigger mess.
I finally gave up and took it all away. I wasn’t angry, just fed up. I calmly began packing up not just a toy or two, but every single thing. All their dress-up clothes, baby dolls, Polly Pockets, & stuffed animals, all their Barbies, building blocks, and toy trains, right down to the the furniture from their dollhouse and play food from their kitchen. I even took the pretty Pottery Barn Kids comforter from their bed. The girls watched me in stunned silence for a few minutes and then, when the shock wore off, they helped. And just like that, their room was clear.
I had no idea what a dramatic difference this one semi-impulsive decision would make in all our lives. I first started noticing a real change about 4 weeks later when we took a family trip to Key West.
In contrast to our last outing and for the first time ever, neither girl asked us to buy a single thing the entire weekend. Not a toy, not a cheesy souvenir, not a light-up necklace from a passing street vendor. Nothing. We passed hundreds of shops and they loved looking in the window, but they were content just to be. What was most amazing to me was that we didn’t talk to them about it ahead of time. Not once did we have to tell them not to ask, or explain that being together was what mattered.
Had I not experienced it with my own eyes, I would’ve never believed that an addiction to stuff could be broken that quickly. The truth is that when I took all their stuff away, I was terrified at what would happen. I worried that I was scarring them for life, depriving them of some essential developmental need, taking away their ability to self-entertain.
In reality, the opposite has happened. Instead of being bored, they seem to have no shortage of things to do. Their attention span is much longer and they are able to mindfully focus on their task at hand. They color or read for hours at a time and happily spend the entire afternoon playing hide & seek or pretend.
They are far more content, able to appreciate the blessings that they do have, and able to truly enjoy the moment they are in without always having to move on to the next thing. They are more creative and patient, more willing to share, far more empathetic towards the plight of others, and, with little to fight over, they hardly fight at all.
When I do take down a toy for them to play with (no, I didn’t throw everything away), such as their Lego blocks or dress-up clothes or or their kitchen food & dishes, that one thing will entertain them for the entire day. (The rest has more or less been forgotten and will soon make it’s way from the attic to the Goodwill pile.)
What I love even more is that they are able to recognize excess on their own. Aside from a favorite stuffed animal and the comforter on their bed, (which they both earned back), neither of them actually want their toys back on a permanent basis. They like not being overwhelmed by stuff and not having to spend so much time cleaning their room. In fact, later that very same day, as we drove to gymnastics class, Maggie said it’s okay that we don’t have any more toys Mommy. We can just read and use our imaginations. And now we won’t have to clean up every day. She understood before I did that more stuff doesn’t make us happier.
When I first became a mom I was so happy to have a chance to start over, to undo through my children all the wrong that was done to me, to give them everything I felt I had missed out on. I wanted our lives to be perfect, and my vision of perfection included a perfectly decorated bedroom filled with beautiful things, a life where they would want for nothing.
I equated giving them stuff with making them happy, a message that our consumer driven culture hammers into our psyches from the time we our born. Oh, what a lie!
I started this blog because I am a shopaholic, and there are so many times where I buy things when I am bored or unhappy, just to fill the void. My husband laughs at me (and sometimes throws up his hand in frustration) because although I talk a good game about wanting to downsize and get rid of stuff, in reality there are still many times where I just can’t help myself from buying more.
I justify it, telling myself it was on sale or a really good deal, or something we really needed, or that I deserve it because I work so hard. In reality it is just another thing I am trying to buy to solve a problem that runs much deeper.
Stuff isn’t evil in and of itself, but in a world where we are constantly told that what we have isn’t quite good enough, the love of things can so very easily consume us. It is the pursuit of it all–more toys, cuter clothes, a prettier house, a nicer car, a bigger computer, a fancier phone–that makes us forget all the things that actually matter.
It wasn’t until after observing first hand the real and immediate changes in my children after taking their toys away that I truly began to understand. And now instead of me teaching them, they have taught me the lesson I wish I would’ve have learned a long time ago.
For our family, there’s no turning back.
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Thank you! I have been wanting to box up the kids toys for months now, but haven't had the guts. After reading this, I'm going to pick up some boxes on the way home. I am so done. I can't even have company over because it takes me 3 days to clean my house and put up toys and 'stuff'. And now I'm pregnant with a surprise 4th child to add into the mix. Claustophobic doesn't even come close to describing how I feel in my house. I, too, am a recovering compulsive shopper, which adds another layer in all of this. Thank you Thank you Thank you.
I've taken my kids toys away from them and its worked beautifully. Not to mention, allowed me to spend less time overseeing their room cleanup! It's amazing what a little purge can bring. Good for you, and even better for your children! They will appreciate the time you spend together much more than the things they have accumulated.
I think this sounds great and don't understand why people are criticising you. You warned your girls what would happen if they didn't clean up their room, and followed through with it. It's not like they didn't have a chance to prevent it. This is the problem with children today - parents who threaten to do something and don't follow through. And parents who think you're horrible if you do actually follow through (enriching their lives in the long run!)
I don't yet have children but I have been thinking for a few years now on the kinds of standards I want to have in my house and for my children. And 'not many toys' is one of them! I want them to have toys which encourage their creativity and imagination, which educate and develop useful skills, or which encourage them to be active outdoors. This might include things like paints, sketch pads, skipping ropes, lego, hula hoops, etc. I also would rather they have fewer good-quality items than copious amounts of rubbish plastic toys. I think toys can be an important part of a child's development so am not really interested in a 'no toy' existence (and despite your heading, it sounds to me like you'd probably agree, as you've obviously left your girls their books and colouring items, and have kept toys that you think are good for them!) But I hope that when I do have kids my extended family puts thought into useful and creative presents which don't just add to an accumulating pile of toys.
I have been trying to teach my husband that kids do not need lots of toys to be kept occupied. We see children in public who are misbehaving and he thinks it's because their parents haven't brought along enough toys to keep them occupied (and this is a concept his mother reinforces). I try to explain that parents should not be required to provide entertainment for their kids every waking hour of the day and children should be taught to behave when they are out and make their own entertainment (obviously this varies depending on where you are and how old your children are. Babies and toddlers often do need things to keep them occupied!). I think he is slowly coming round!
Ahhhhh, you don't have children....that explains so much Leah.
I want to do something similar to this so badly, but the one thing stopping me is our extended family. We have 4 grandparents, 7 great-grandparents, and 7 aunts and uncles to our kids right here in town. Almost everything my children have comes from these people. I would be getting rid of gifts that our family gave them. I know it's my kids, and my choice, but that makes it hard. Just this past Easter my children each got 5 (!) Easter baskets filled with stuff from family. How do you handle that? How do you let these people who love them so much know that they don't need their gifts?
I am to the point of doing this with my youngest two sons, ages 2 & 4. They have so much junk they are out of room to store it all. I will likely get rid of most of it, keeping only their car collection (I enjoy letting them each choose a new hot wheels car when they behave during shopping trips) and their mega blocks. I will let them keep all of the outside toys, but I do need to find a storage solution for those, I'm waiting for someone to break their neck trying to get to the front door. I'm pretty lenient with the use of tablets because they learn so much from the games they play. I can't wait to see what the reaction will be :)
I personally APPLAUDE your advanced parenting skills! I struggle with the daily arguments "pick up after yourself"... " stop fighting over the toys and share" and "no I will not buy that, you have enough and don't need it" however I make empty threats that are ignored and laughed at and I am left feeling bad for not giving in and buying the world! Thank you so much for being a brave confident mother and sharing a true story that has worked out well for you.
I think this is brilliant! So wonderful to hear! I think today's kids have way way too much stuff. Just stuff too, that most of the time they aren't even aware they have! My boys go without a lot and we very rarely buy them new things, so we're already pretty minimalist. Each year I go through their stuff and throw things away they don't need. I love it. And they're creative happy boys! I think this is genius and I almost want to get rid of all my kids toys just because! Thanks for sharing!
Completely understand. Although I have 2 kids. I took all their toys away. Its less of a distraction. The only things they have now are 2-3 small toys that u can carry around and coloring books. I see a change in attitude and when we go to the store they ask politely to play with one toy and when shopping is over we would put them back on the shelf. no crying or screaming. i feel my kids are more well behaved compared to other children their age.
First of all... Thank you so much for this post. We are in the middle of a move and I think this has given me the extra kick to purge a lot of the excess 'stuff' my family and I have that seems to be causing more stress than enjoyment. My question is, as a homeschooling mom, like myself, where do you draw the line? I often look through catalogs (like Discount School Supply and Lakeshore) and I fall in love with love with all this stuff that I think the kids 'need.' I am trying to keep my list of acceptable toys to keep to a minimum (Legos, wooden blocks, a few cars, costumes, animals, dollhouse and books) but then I feel all this other stuff is already sneaking in... How did you stand your ground? Do you do a rotation of 'other' toys that are stored in a closet, or somewhere else? Any words of wisdom or advice would be amazing!
I've been slowly purging all year long last year, but THIS is what we really need! Thank you for the inspiration! It's too bad this wouldn't happen. I just wouldn't be able to. But this is the most convincing post I've read to realize we need to get rid of their toys. Truth is, they only play with about 20% of the toys, I need to aim at keeping just those 20% and using a rotation so that they only have 10% of all the toys to play with at any given time! Need to schedule that donation truck to force myself to do it.