Do you ever get so fed up with all the toys lying around? This is the inside story of my drastic decision to take my kids’ toys away.
As some of you already know, I’ve been on a mission this year to simplify my family’s life and rid ourselves of excess. Over the course of the past nine months I have probably given away about 75 percent of my girls’ toys, keeping only the items that I felt encouraged their imagination and that they actually played with. I thought I was doing pretty good.
Even so, there were warning signs that my kids still had too much stuff. In June, we took a field trip to Reptile World in Orlando. Afterwards we decided it would be fun to take the girls to dinner at a dinosaur-themed restaurant called T-Rex in Downtown Disney. While we were waiting to be seated my oldest daughter Maggie spotted the Build-a-Dino Workshop in the gift shop and although we immediately said “no way,” from that moment on she could think of nothing else.
All through our delicious dinner, surrounded by dramatic (fake) meteor showers and animatronic dinosaurs, she fixated on the one thing she couldn’t have rather than the cool sights we were actually experiencing.
On the three hour drive home, Husband and I–seriously concerned by our daughter’s inability to enjoy the moment–made a point to talk about all the neat stuff we had seen, what our favorite reptiles were, and how funny Trouble had been holding the snake. By the time we made it home the Build-a-Dino had been forgotten. At least by her. But we were worried.
In the weeks that followed, Chuck and I talked a lot about how we were going to handle this lack of contentment we were noticing. Then one morning near the end of July, after telling my kids to clean their room for the umpteenth time, I made the somewhat impulsive–albeit pre-warned–decision to take away ALL their stuff.
Just 2 days earlier I had spent half the day cleaning their room & re-organizing their toys and closet, which is something I do fairly regularly. I wasn’t asking them to clean some giant out-of-control mess, just to pick up a few items off the floor and put them away in the very clearly labeled baskets. Every time I came back to check on them, they had not only NOT picked up, they had made an even bigger mess.
I finally gave up and took it all away. I wasn’t angry, just fed up. I calmly began packing up not just a toy or two, but every single thing. All their dress-up clothes, baby dolls, Polly Pockets, & stuffed animals, all their Barbies, building blocks, and toy trains, right down to the the furniture from their dollhouse and play food from their kitchen. I even took the pretty Pottery Barn Kids comforter from their bed. The girls watched me in stunned silence for a few minutes and then, when the shock wore off, they helped. And just like that, their room was clear.
I had no idea what a dramatic difference this one semi-impulsive decision would make in all our lives. I first started noticing a real change about 4 weeks later when we took a family trip to Key West.
In contrast to our last outing and for the first time ever, neither girl asked us to buy a single thing the entire weekend. Not a toy, not a cheesy souvenir, not a light-up necklace from a passing street vendor. Nothing. We passed hundreds of shops and they loved looking in the window, but they were content just to be. What was most amazing to me was that we didn’t talk to them about it ahead of time. Not once did we have to tell them not to ask, or explain that being together was what mattered.
Had I not experienced it with my own eyes, I would’ve never believed that an addiction to stuff could be broken that quickly. The truth is that when I took all their stuff away, I was terrified at what would happen. I worried that I was scarring them for life, depriving them of some essential developmental need, taking away their ability to self-entertain.
In reality, the opposite has happened. Instead of being bored, they seem to have no shortage of things to do. Their attention span is much longer and they are able to mindfully focus on their task at hand. They color or read for hours at a time and happily spend the entire afternoon playing hide & seek or pretend.
They are far more content, able to appreciate the blessings that they do have, and able to truly enjoy the moment they are in without always having to move on to the next thing. They are more creative and patient, more willing to share, far more empathetic towards the plight of others, and, with little to fight over, they hardly fight at all.
When I do take down a toy for them to play with (no, I didn’t throw everything away), such as their Lego blocks or dress-up clothes or or their kitchen food & dishes, that one thing will entertain them for the entire day. (The rest has more or less been forgotten and will soon make it’s way from the attic to the Goodwill pile.)
What I love even more is that they are able to recognize excess on their own. Aside from a favorite stuffed animal and the comforter on their bed, (which they both earned back), neither of them actually want their toys back on a permanent basis. They like not being overwhelmed by stuff and not having to spend so much time cleaning their room. In fact, later that very same day, as we drove to gymnastics class, Maggie said it’s okay that we don’t have any more toys Mommy. We can just read and use our imaginations. And now we won’t have to clean up every day. She understood before I did that more stuff doesn’t make us happier.
When I first became a mom I was so happy to have a chance to start over, to undo through my children all the wrong that was done to me, to give them everything I felt I had missed out on. I wanted our lives to be perfect, and my vision of perfection included a perfectly decorated bedroom filled with beautiful things, a life where they would want for nothing.
I equated giving them stuff with making them happy, a message that our consumer driven culture hammers into our psyches from the time we our born. Oh, what a lie!
I started this blog because I am a shopaholic, and there are so many times where I buy things when I am bored or unhappy, just to fill the void. My husband laughs at me (and sometimes throws up his hand in frustration) because although I talk a good game about wanting to downsize and get rid of stuff, in reality there are still many times where I just can’t help myself from buying more.
I justify it, telling myself it was on sale or a really good deal, or something we really needed, or that I deserve it because I work so hard. In reality it is just another thing I am trying to buy to solve a problem that runs much deeper.
Stuff isn’t evil in and of itself, but in a world where we are constantly told that what we have isn’t quite good enough, the love of things can so very easily consume us. It is the pursuit of it all–more toys, cuter clothes, a prettier house, a nicer car, a bigger computer, a fancier phone–that makes us forget all the things that actually matter.
It wasn’t until after observing first hand the real and immediate changes in my children after taking their toys away that I truly began to understand. And now instead of me teaching them, they have taught me the lesson I wish I would’ve have learned a long time ago.
For our family, there’s no turning back.
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Thank you so much for doing what you did and having the courage to blog about it. I needed this today. A friend of mine repinned this on pinterest and I was intrigued. My husband took a garbage bag full of toys and his it in our closet a few months ago. Aside from 1-2 things that were in the bag, my girls didn't even notice things were gone. They stumbled upon the bag a couple weeks ago and only then remembered about the things that were inside. I promptly hid the bag and they've already forgotten. I definitely need to do this on a grander scale. I love the idea of taking things away to encourage imagination. I am encouraged to hear that your girls attention spam increased. We definitely need that at our house!
I know my opinion is not more than that of a complete stranger that came across your post on Pinterest but I think we can always use encouraging words from anyone, especially on topics that are so controversial and that cause people to be mean and judgmental when you are only sharing what has worked for you.
What a valuable lesson you are teaching your kids! We lost our baby boy last year when I was 37 weeks pregnant, that experience brought a great deal of teaching to our life among which was a very clear lesson on thankfulness for what we have, this led us to a real place of contentment in which things are not the center of our attention anymore (I've been working on getting rid of what we don't need, trying hard not to buy more stuff, and learning how to make the best out of our little home putting more emphasis on who lives in it rather than how big it is) . In the material driven society we live in it's hard to change the way you think and live but I think you are off to a great start with your girls and you are a great example for the rest of us that don't have children yet but want to raise our kids to be content and thankful or have thought about it but haven't had the courage (yet) to take radical measures even in our own life. Thanks for sharing!
I found this post on Pinterest. It interested me because a month ago my husband and I filled up 10 (ten!) trash bags of my daughters' toys. I have never heard of anyone else doing this before. We didn't take away everything there is still plenty for them to enjoy. The amount of stuff they had was overwhelming for them. Overwhelming in trying to figure out what to play with, overwhelming when it came time to clean, overwhelming in trying to find exactly what they wanted even though I tried hard to keep things organized. It has been a month and they haven't even asked for anything back. The next step is going through the bags and throwing away the junk, donating some, and keeping a few items. Thank you for being brave enough to post this.
I am so sorry this article is getting so much hate ! Those people must have forgotten a time in the world where crime was lower than it is now because children were out playing instead of inside watching commercials filled with soft pornography and murder while their hands are in a Cheetos bag! THAT is bad parenting not what your doing getting your children to free their minds by freeing up their space. Bravo to you!!!! Raise your kiddos the organic way not the "commercial" way.
What makes you think "this article is getting so much hate!"? The large majority of comments are in favor of this mother. Only a tiny fraction of people are giving it the "hate" you think it's "getting so much" of. Look a little closer the next time around.
I'm with you! I think it is an awesome idea and I would do it myself if I didn't have a home preschool. I think that toys are a huge racket! I think they can limit a child's creativity. Why can't children play with real things? They have to have a "toy" this and "toy" that when there are real things all around to use and explore including the great outdoors! What better playground than nature, filled with "toys" children often beg to bring inside and play with? . I am saddened that you are being judged negatively for your parenting choices. In most places, not having any toys is the last thing that children are worried about. You obviously have happy healthy girls that are going to benefit from their mother's care. So glad you shared your experience and your wisdom. Thank you!
Awesome! that's great! Kids need to know that life is NOT about things! But mostly about things money can't buy!
I love that you did this! My girls have alot of toys and it drives me crazy when they make a mess and refuse to clean it up! I have started going through all of their stuff (toys,clothes, etc.) every 6 months and usually come out with a large garbage bag of stuff to go to good will. The girls seem pretty happy with the thought that their things are going to other little girls who are in need and quite often they will help choose the things to get rid of.
I have been tempted many times to get rid of most of my child's toys. As my significant other has pointed out numerous times,I am more upset about this than my child is. I did take away every single hot wheel (which was A LOT of cars) and it made a huge difference in the way my child acted. I'm not sure I could ever actually take them all away but I applaud you for doing this, especially if it has made a difference. I do make my child sort through his toys with me and make him get rid of stuff and that has helped tremendously with his organizational skills.
BRAVO MOMMA! BRAVO!!!!!!!!!!! I have been in tears a LOT lately, not knowing what to do with my boys, who tear up all their toys, leave things strung out everywhere, have no shame when someone comes over and sees their mess.... This just may be the answer. I have tried so many techniques to no avail. Even tried incentives.... I am at my witts end, we are a family of 5 in a 1300 square foot home (our home is nice, but small), and I am very overwhelmed. I homeschool so I can spend more time with them, and have control over what they learn.... but I am at the point where I can't do it anymore unless drastic changes are made. I still say BRAVO!!!
Perfect timing for me! I am participating in a biannual consignment event and I really think it's time to say goodbye to 90% of my sons toys and a good part of his clothes. He is 28 months old and I am sure he will not even notice. I plan on keeping Duplos, his Schleich animals and his wooden train set (and perhaps some educational games and puzzles). With one more baby boy on the way and 800 square feet for 4 people it will be impossible to combat the mess and the constant incoming gifts from well meaning family. Also, his birthday is 6 days before Christmas so I am going to start encouraging family to only add to the few sets of toys he already has or just gift passes to the zoo or museum.Thanks for making our lives a little easier!