Do you ever get so fed up with all the toys lying around? This is the inside story of my drastic decision to take my kids’ toys away.
As some of you already know, I’ve been on a mission this year to simplify my family’s life and rid ourselves of excess. Over the course of the past nine months I have probably given away about 75 percent of my girls’ toys, keeping only the items that I felt encouraged their imagination and that they actually played with. I thought I was doing pretty good.
Even so, there were warning signs that my kids still had too much stuff. In June, we took a field trip to Reptile World in Orlando. Afterwards we decided it would be fun to take the girls to dinner at a dinosaur-themed restaurant called T-Rex in Downtown Disney. While we were waiting to be seated my oldest daughter Maggie spotted the Build-a-Dino Workshop in the gift shop and although we immediately said “no way,” from that moment on she could think of nothing else.
All through our delicious dinner, surrounded by dramatic (fake) meteor showers and animatronic dinosaurs, she fixated on the one thing she couldn’t have rather than the cool sights we were actually experiencing.
On the three hour drive home, Husband and I–seriously concerned by our daughter’s inability to enjoy the moment–made a point to talk about all the neat stuff we had seen, what our favorite reptiles were, and how funny Trouble had been holding the snake. By the time we made it home the Build-a-Dino had been forgotten. At least by her. But we were worried.
In the weeks that followed, Chuck and I talked a lot about how we were going to handle this lack of contentment we were noticing. Then one morning near the end of July, after telling my kids to clean their room for the umpteenth time, I made the somewhat impulsive–albeit pre-warned–decision to take away ALL their stuff.
Just 2 days earlier I had spent half the day cleaning their room & re-organizing their toys and closet, which is something I do fairly regularly. I wasn’t asking them to clean some giant out-of-control mess, just to pick up a few items off the floor and put them away in the very clearly labeled baskets. Every time I came back to check on them, they had not only NOT picked up, they had made an even bigger mess.
I finally gave up and took it all away. I wasn’t angry, just fed up. I calmly began packing up not just a toy or two, but every single thing. All their dress-up clothes, baby dolls, Polly Pockets, & stuffed animals, all their Barbies, building blocks, and toy trains, right down to the the furniture from their dollhouse and play food from their kitchen. I even took the pretty Pottery Barn Kids comforter from their bed. The girls watched me in stunned silence for a few minutes and then, when the shock wore off, they helped. And just like that, their room was clear.
I had no idea what a dramatic difference this one semi-impulsive decision would make in all our lives. I first started noticing a real change about 4 weeks later when we took a family trip to Key West.
In contrast to our last outing and for the first time ever, neither girl asked us to buy a single thing the entire weekend. Not a toy, not a cheesy souvenir, not a light-up necklace from a passing street vendor. Nothing. We passed hundreds of shops and they loved looking in the window, but they were content just to be. What was most amazing to me was that we didn’t talk to them about it ahead of time. Not once did we have to tell them not to ask, or explain that being together was what mattered.
Had I not experienced it with my own eyes, I would’ve never believed that an addiction to stuff could be broken that quickly. The truth is that when I took all their stuff away, I was terrified at what would happen. I worried that I was scarring them for life, depriving them of some essential developmental need, taking away their ability to self-entertain.
In reality, the opposite has happened. Instead of being bored, they seem to have no shortage of things to do. Their attention span is much longer and they are able to mindfully focus on their task at hand. They color or read for hours at a time and happily spend the entire afternoon playing hide & seek or pretend.
They are far more content, able to appreciate the blessings that they do have, and able to truly enjoy the moment they are in without always having to move on to the next thing. They are more creative and patient, more willing to share, far more empathetic towards the plight of others, and, with little to fight over, they hardly fight at all.
When I do take down a toy for them to play with (no, I didn’t throw everything away), such as their Lego blocks or dress-up clothes or or their kitchen food & dishes, that one thing will entertain them for the entire day. (The rest has more or less been forgotten and will soon make it’s way from the attic to the Goodwill pile.)
What I love even more is that they are able to recognize excess on their own. Aside from a favorite stuffed animal and the comforter on their bed, (which they both earned back), neither of them actually want their toys back on a permanent basis. They like not being overwhelmed by stuff and not having to spend so much time cleaning their room. In fact, later that very same day, as we drove to gymnastics class, Maggie said it’s okay that we don’t have any more toys Mommy. We can just read and use our imaginations. And now we won’t have to clean up every day. She understood before I did that more stuff doesn’t make us happier.
When I first became a mom I was so happy to have a chance to start over, to undo through my children all the wrong that was done to me, to give them everything I felt I had missed out on. I wanted our lives to be perfect, and my vision of perfection included a perfectly decorated bedroom filled with beautiful things, a life where they would want for nothing.
I equated giving them stuff with making them happy, a message that our consumer driven culture hammers into our psyches from the time we our born. Oh, what a lie!
I started this blog because I am a shopaholic, and there are so many times where I buy things when I am bored or unhappy, just to fill the void. My husband laughs at me (and sometimes throws up his hand in frustration) because although I talk a good game about wanting to downsize and get rid of stuff, in reality there are still many times where I just can’t help myself from buying more.
I justify it, telling myself it was on sale or a really good deal, or something we really needed, or that I deserve it because I work so hard. In reality it is just another thing I am trying to buy to solve a problem that runs much deeper.
Stuff isn’t evil in and of itself, but in a world where we are constantly told that what we have isn’t quite good enough, the love of things can so very easily consume us. It is the pursuit of it all–more toys, cuter clothes, a prettier house, a nicer car, a bigger computer, a fancier phone–that makes us forget all the things that actually matter.
It wasn’t until after observing first hand the real and immediate changes in my children after taking their toys away that I truly began to understand. And now instead of me teaching them, they have taught me the lesson I wish I would’ve have learned a long time ago.
For our family, there’s no turning back.
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A friend of mine posted this on facebook. As I started to read I thought "No way! I couldn't do that! They need those toys, and I need my sanity...It wouldn't work on my kids".
Then I kept reading, and I had to be honest with myself. I've wanted to do this for a very long time, but hubby doesn't, and I'm too scared. But truth be told, we have done it before. Never thrown it out, but cleaned their rooms out so completely into trash bags and tossed in the garage. Slowly we'd give things back.
So, thank you for your experience. I know I need to just do it. I often let my own sentimental attachments to things get in the way of getting rid of it.
I LOVED this post!! We did the same thing about 6 months ago. I was sick with strep and Daddy had had about enough of the kids' messes. So he went with them thru all their junk and got rid of about 50% of their stuff. It was great! We need to do it again. The problem is the grandparents who give the kids whatever they want. We got rid of our TV in an effort to watch less. So...they bought us a new one. Even after we explained our reasons. Now they're angry with us for declining their offer to pay private school tuition - because we want to homeschool. Sigh....I'm grateful for their generosity, but sometimes I wish they'd button out.
This is similar to what I've been thinking about doing but just been too busy to take the plunge! This summer we're going to start "purging" room by room to get rid of excess stuff & I'm going to commit to only buying what we NEED not what we WANT!
I loved your article! To answer your question about getting rid of toys, I have tried to box them up and rotate them. Eventually the system falls apart. Every. Time. They lose half the toys I bring out for the day, and the next day they lose half that day's toys. Soon there's 100 toys under every bed, we're stepping on shapes that are always STARS, our 14 month old is bruised from head to toe tripping on toys, etc. I've even purged toys. Doesn't help. Grandparents buy more!
My MIL just bought a ladybug toy with shapes on it. I'm thinking, "OK. One big toy, hard to lose, plays music." Then she hits a button and one toy breaks apart into 7! "FUDGE." My mom gets my oldest an Elmo cash register. It has money so it isn't one toy, it's 5! We have dozens of balls from dozens of toys everywhere. Most of the ladybug's shapes are missing. Just stepped on its triangle as a matter of fact. Luckily I found all the play money and rigged that register to not open.
I'm getting rid of stuff today. I've already got half their stuffed animals bagged for a yard sale. I'm going through plastic toys next. I cleared the living room and locked all the toys in a bedroom a little while ago. Now my girls are running in circles laughing their heads off. Getting rid of things is the best idea ever, but I've been doing that with me for a long time. I got an mp3 player and sold every last one of my CD's. I have a Nook, got digital files of my library, and sold all of my books. I love my music and books, but hate clutter. =)
We have nothing outside for them so I have been wanting a small swing set. I'm thinking sell the toys to help fund that. Less clutter indoors, burning off energy outdoors. Win-win!
Love it, that is exactly how I feel. Of we buy this one kitchen set.....which is actually 100 pieces......ahhhhhhh. I have been wanting to purge toys, as well as our stuff. I am just as guilty as my husband of having a hard time letting go. We have well over 200 movies but yet we only watch 50 of them so why can I not get rid of them??? I am glad to see I am not the only mom that feels this way. We could use the money to pay down debt, or save it for a big trip, or.......the options are endless.
I don't have any kids, I was an only child with toys that would make an entire orphanage happy.....I have thought about this because I see the "gim' me, gim' me" attitude in myself and...well everyone. I never thought about "no toys" but definitely less toys and toys that have meaning. This was a great article.
Iris♥
Iris♥ @ The BlueBirdhouse
Wow this is exactly what i have been thinking for the past couple of months. Im glad to see that other people notice the problems of consumerism that plagues our society. my wife who just posted above me stated that when our daughter comes we will do exactly what you did. we have already talked about implementing a one present Christmas and limiting our child's toy collection to just one. of course education stuff is different. i want to teach my child a sense of responsibility and contentedness. this blog was a great encouragement to me that tells me that there are other people out there who agree with my thinking. Im just curious how things are still going?
Hello Ruth. I have been meaning to read this blog post for some time now. Actually reading I can't imagine why people feel that is a bad decision. My husband and I have been talking about not having big "Christmases" or bombarding our (future) children with toys. I was the child who always had my way and never truly learned the value of money earned or had respect or value for the toys others bought me. I always had the mindset that if it broke I would just ask for a new one and would get it. My husband and I have also talked about the importance of being able to live a simple life and for our children to be able to use their imaginations or spend time using their creativity. My husband and I even made a rule for ourselves this past Christmas to only buy each other one gift and it was great because we really tried hard to make it special and meaningful and not some inexpensive or useless item. I have to say that I agree with your decision and this is something that my husband and I will be doing with ourselves and with our child from a young age. Thank you so much for not living by the world, but by loving your children enough to help them break the cycle this world, including myself, have fallen into.
I know you have gotten far too many comments already, I am guilty of not knowing you either, just this post from pinterest (a true addiction for me ;)), but I so connect with this! from the insights you recieved through your children to how you fill the voids through "things". I'm not sure exactly where that idea came to ME from, but it is something I'm working on regularly. I've taken the children's toys away and put them in the attic and am always amazed at how little, if at all, they miss them. My mistake is keeping them in the attic and not getting rid of them...in writing this, I have gained some inspiration and will be acting on it. You will probably not find anything about it on my public blog, but if you're interested, you may check periodically on my family blog. http://mommybug-ibshell.blogspot.com
p.s. New follower! ;)
This is a great thing for me to read now. I am pregnant with our first child and this baby will have 6 Aunts and 10 uncles (only one of those is married so far), not to mention great aunts and uncles, grandparents, great grandparents, etc... this post is a reminder that I will need to prepare for boatloads of stuff. It hadnt even occured to me yet because I am the type of person that buys educational or useful things, we have given our niece coloring books and clothes, never toys. I rarely gift toys to any child unless theres a specific reason for the toy. I believe some toys can be good for a child, especially when they are younger. For example, I think every toddler should have a baby doll and plain wooden blocks, to be honest they probably dont need anything else.
While I agree with some that you may have been a little extreme in the moment, the long term results seem to have worked out very well and I admire the fact that you stuck with your decision.
Thank you for this post.
Wow! I really needed to see this! This week I went through a similar situation. I asked my children many times to pick up thier dress up clothes, I encouraged them, I remained calm and I warned them of the consequence if they didn't clean up their toys. After nearly an hour of them continuing to ignore me and makeing the mess bigger, I finally calmly sent them each to their step (that is where they go for "time out" or "thinking about what they have done") then I walked downstairs and grabbed one garbage bag, and filled it with every toy that was still not put away. Then I took the bag and walked out to the garage. I came and let it sink in. They cried, a lot, it was sad and so hard for me to see them that way. I did not actually dispose of the toys, but set the aside for me to think about what I had done and how I was going to handle it. They believe the toys are gone forever because I said nothing. I have seriously contemplated doing exactly what you have done so many times. We are a family of 5, in a small home and I loath clutter. I feel like the house is always trashed and they can't seem to keep it all picked up. I also organize, clean, ect all the time to try and control the chaos, but it isn't enough. The problem is simple, we have too much. I just feel so guilty getting rid of it. I feel that most of the items are gifts and loved many of the reasons you listed, but at the same time I sometimes feel like my sanity is at risk because of the stuff. And I hate that they seem to act like they are entitled and always ask for more.