Do you ever get so fed up with all the toys lying around? This is the inside story of my drastic decision to take my kids’ toys away.
As some of you already know, I’ve been on a mission this year to simplify my family’s life and rid ourselves of excess. Over the course of the past nine months I have probably given away about 75 percent of my girls’ toys, keeping only the items that I felt encouraged their imagination and that they actually played with. I thought I was doing pretty good.
Even so, there were warning signs that my kids still had too much stuff. In June, we took a field trip to Reptile World in Orlando. Afterwards we decided it would be fun to take the girls to dinner at a dinosaur-themed restaurant called T-Rex in Downtown Disney. While we were waiting to be seated my oldest daughter Maggie spotted the Build-a-Dino Workshop in the gift shop and although we immediately said “no way,” from that moment on she could think of nothing else.
All through our delicious dinner, surrounded by dramatic (fake) meteor showers and animatronic dinosaurs, she fixated on the one thing she couldn’t have rather than the cool sights we were actually experiencing.
On the three hour drive home, Husband and I–seriously concerned by our daughter’s inability to enjoy the moment–made a point to talk about all the neat stuff we had seen, what our favorite reptiles were, and how funny Trouble had been holding the snake. By the time we made it home the Build-a-Dino had been forgotten. At least by her. But we were worried.
In the weeks that followed, Chuck and I talked a lot about how we were going to handle this lack of contentment we were noticing. Then one morning near the end of July, after telling my kids to clean their room for the umpteenth time, I made the somewhat impulsive–albeit pre-warned–decision to take away ALL their stuff.
Just 2 days earlier I had spent half the day cleaning their room & re-organizing their toys and closet, which is something I do fairly regularly. I wasn’t asking them to clean some giant out-of-control mess, just to pick up a few items off the floor and put them away in the very clearly labeled baskets. Every time I came back to check on them, they had not only NOT picked up, they had made an even bigger mess.
I finally gave up and took it all away. I wasn’t angry, just fed up. I calmly began packing up not just a toy or two, but every single thing. All their dress-up clothes, baby dolls, Polly Pockets, & stuffed animals, all their Barbies, building blocks, and toy trains, right down to the the furniture from their dollhouse and play food from their kitchen. I even took the pretty Pottery Barn Kids comforter from their bed. The girls watched me in stunned silence for a few minutes and then, when the shock wore off, they helped. And just like that, their room was clear.
I had no idea what a dramatic difference this one semi-impulsive decision would make in all our lives. I first started noticing a real change about 4 weeks later when we took a family trip to Key West.
In contrast to our last outing and for the first time ever, neither girl asked us to buy a single thing the entire weekend. Not a toy, not a cheesy souvenir, not a light-up necklace from a passing street vendor. Nothing. We passed hundreds of shops and they loved looking in the window, but they were content just to be. What was most amazing to me was that we didn’t talk to them about it ahead of time. Not once did we have to tell them not to ask, or explain that being together was what mattered.
Had I not experienced it with my own eyes, I would’ve never believed that an addiction to stuff could be broken that quickly. The truth is that when I took all their stuff away, I was terrified at what would happen. I worried that I was scarring them for life, depriving them of some essential developmental need, taking away their ability to self-entertain.
In reality, the opposite has happened. Instead of being bored, they seem to have no shortage of things to do. Their attention span is much longer and they are able to mindfully focus on their task at hand. They color or read for hours at a time and happily spend the entire afternoon playing hide & seek or pretend.
They are far more content, able to appreciate the blessings that they do have, and able to truly enjoy the moment they are in without always having to move on to the next thing. They are more creative and patient, more willing to share, far more empathetic towards the plight of others, and, with little to fight over, they hardly fight at all.
When I do take down a toy for them to play with (no, I didn’t throw everything away), such as their Lego blocks or dress-up clothes or or their kitchen food & dishes, that one thing will entertain them for the entire day. (The rest has more or less been forgotten and will soon make it’s way from the attic to the Goodwill pile.)
What I love even more is that they are able to recognize excess on their own. Aside from a favorite stuffed animal and the comforter on their bed, (which they both earned back), neither of them actually want their toys back on a permanent basis. They like not being overwhelmed by stuff and not having to spend so much time cleaning their room. In fact, later that very same day, as we drove to gymnastics class, Maggie said it’s okay that we don’t have any more toys Mommy. We can just read and use our imaginations. And now we won’t have to clean up every day. She understood before I did that more stuff doesn’t make us happier.
When I first became a mom I was so happy to have a chance to start over, to undo through my children all the wrong that was done to me, to give them everything I felt I had missed out on. I wanted our lives to be perfect, and my vision of perfection included a perfectly decorated bedroom filled with beautiful things, a life where they would want for nothing.
I equated giving them stuff with making them happy, a message that our consumer driven culture hammers into our psyches from the time we our born. Oh, what a lie!
I started this blog because I am a shopaholic, and there are so many times where I buy things when I am bored or unhappy, just to fill the void. My husband laughs at me (and sometimes throws up his hand in frustration) because although I talk a good game about wanting to downsize and get rid of stuff, in reality there are still many times where I just can’t help myself from buying more.
I justify it, telling myself it was on sale or a really good deal, or something we really needed, or that I deserve it because I work so hard. In reality it is just another thing I am trying to buy to solve a problem that runs much deeper.
Stuff isn’t evil in and of itself, but in a world where we are constantly told that what we have isn’t quite good enough, the love of things can so very easily consume us. It is the pursuit of it all–more toys, cuter clothes, a prettier house, a nicer car, a bigger computer, a fancier phone–that makes us forget all the things that actually matter.
It wasn’t until after observing first hand the real and immediate changes in my children after taking their toys away that I truly began to understand. And now instead of me teaching them, they have taught me the lesson I wish I would’ve have learned a long time ago.
For our family, there’s no turning back.
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We did this too!! Way more peaceful!
I applaud you! Just this morning standing in my 11 year old son's room I felt the overwhelming urge to take everything away. It was not out of anger that this urge grew but from a place of wanting less distraction in his world. I, like you, wanted to undo the wrongs I felt were done to me as a child. I wanted him to have the latest toy, game, action figure, Hotwheel set or what have you. Now he is 11 years old with 5 over-sized storage binds for toy boxes. It is time to take a stand - I must remove the toys. I must paint his room. I must take down the dino curtains. I must remove the city map floor rug. I must remove the hanging teddy bear hammock. It is time! He constantly asks for more stuff while at the same time he can hardly find items he happens to be looking for from time to time. I see a glimpse of a lack of appreciation and a air of entitlement and I do not like it a bit. I created a spoiled "I want" monster and it is time to take the reigns and change courses. Thank you. I needed to read this post today. I has been a blessing.
Habari
Thank you for this post. I think I might just do something similar. Our playroom stays clean for about ten minutes. How can a room be fun if it is so full of toys that there's no room to play? How can it be fun when it takes more time to clean up than you get to spend playing? I really think taking out most of the toys and shelves and leaving a nice large area to play would make all the difference. I love that your kids noticed that they were happier with less things to take care of. I think my kids might agree!
I love this post! You''re not a perfect mom but you''re a loving mom that only wants the best for her kids. Great job! And your kids are already being grateful for what you''re doing for them, I mean what else can you ask for in life. I hope I remember this post when I have my kids.
This is inspiring. I just discovered your blog, I too am in a quest to simplify life. We got rid of a bunch of media time wasters and downsized to one box of toys. The toys are also confined to one room, I love it. My question for you is, we hardly if ever buy toys for our kids (we have 3 under the age of 5) but stuff keeps coming into our home via well meaning relatives for birthdays and Christmas... I've thought about donating those toys but how do you deal with that situation without offending the giver?
That's a tricky thing, all right, because expecting a gift is crass, but presuming to dictate what a giver will give is a violation of both good manners and good taste, so it's not a thing you want to teach your children that it's all right to do. Ime all you can do is explain your reasons and hope for the best -- although sometimes an agreement can be reached that gifts for children are either something the whole family can use, like a game, or an outing to somewhere. But you're in charge in your own home, so you can make it a rule in your home that if something comes in, something's got to go out, which will help keep things down to a dull roar.
My ds only had twelve toys at any one time, stuffed animals, movies, etc. included. (There was no limit on books as long as they were books that were actually being re-read.) If something came in, something had to go out. So he never had enough stuff to fill one garbage bag, never mind multiples. (I'm having trouble imagining a kid's room that contains enough to fill six garbage bags, as someone mentioned earlier.)
He didn't have a problem with the limit, just accepted it as a 'that's the way it is in our family'. Mind you, I didn't tell him to do what I said, not what I did: I downsized my own things before I set limits on his.
Hi! I am just curious - what do you do with gifts that your children receive at birthdays and stuff? And where are you and your husband putting your things? Goodwill? Selling them? Just curious! I love reading all that you have learned from this experience!
I did something similar with my son. We weren't upset about anything and there was no anger involved. I got 10 postit notes and told him to pick the 10 toys he wanted to keep and put a postit on each one. The rest would be donated. He didn't have a problem with it because he was in control of what got kept. It made keeping his room clean much easier. Unfortunately that didn't last long because grandparents were not exactly on the same page. I may just need to make it a yearly event at the beginning of summer.
I saw this post on Pinterest and thought I need to read this because I am curious as to why.
I often threaten my 2 daughters 3 and 4 I will through away toys, but yet I never do. I have bins of toys over flowing that are broken, not all the pieces are together, lost, I played with etc. but when I stop and actually watch what my kids play with is puzzles, books, colors and coloring books or they like to be on the clean for wrestling. So why can I not let go? Is it because I am afraid of the memories they will loose out on? Will I feel like a bad mom because they do not have a lot of toys? Maybe a combination of everything. But at the same time I am tired of tripping over toys, yelling at them to pick up, looking at unplayed with things, hearing the fights over she won't share, or she took it away, when is it my turn........ When I was growing up we had very few toys, we were always outside playing or in the house playing hide and go seek, or tag, building forts with pillows and chairs. It is amazing at how consumeristic we have become, at how we have to have more than our neighbor. .
I struggle with keeping our house clean my husband works part time and is in school full time, I work part and our house is often a dumping ground because we are always going somewhere or we get home in time for dinner than it is bath and bed, things just kind of pile up. I want a simplified uncluttered happy home, not a stuff filled fighting home.
I admire your example and lesson in showing us that it is ok to get rid of toys and that our kids will be ok, if not better off. I bet your house is a lot cleaner now without all the toys everywhere
Thank you. You are amazing.
Thank you so much for this article..It really opened my eyes. I told my husband when we have children that we will only buy them things they need...and only few toys at christmas. Life is so much more than toys and materialistic things.
I have an almost 2 year old who is spoiled so much so that he wont talk much. I'm on my phone a good majority of the time and love to buy things that I'll never use (confession) I'm also pregnant with our second baby. Due May 28th. I know I'm about to get a whole bunch of stuff that will help with the clutter. With my son being so young he wont notice what hes missing I could also give him clothes and stuff as gifts instead of things that he'll just get tired of! Thanks for the post!
Leigha