Do you ever get so fed up with all the toys lying around? This is the inside story of my drastic decision to take my kids’ toys away.
As some of you already know, I’ve been on a mission this year to simplify my family’s life and rid ourselves of excess. Over the course of the past nine months I have probably given away about 75 percent of my girls’ toys, keeping only the items that I felt encouraged their imagination and that they actually played with. I thought I was doing pretty good.
Even so, there were warning signs that my kids still had too much stuff. In June, we took a field trip to Reptile World in Orlando. Afterwards we decided it would be fun to take the girls to dinner at a dinosaur-themed restaurant called T-Rex in Downtown Disney. While we were waiting to be seated my oldest daughter Maggie spotted the Build-a-Dino Workshop in the gift shop and although we immediately said “no way,” from that moment on she could think of nothing else.
All through our delicious dinner, surrounded by dramatic (fake) meteor showers and animatronic dinosaurs, she fixated on the one thing she couldn’t have rather than the cool sights we were actually experiencing.
On the three hour drive home, Husband and I–seriously concerned by our daughter’s inability to enjoy the moment–made a point to talk about all the neat stuff we had seen, what our favorite reptiles were, and how funny Trouble had been holding the snake. By the time we made it home the Build-a-Dino had been forgotten. At least by her. But we were worried.
In the weeks that followed, Chuck and I talked a lot about how we were going to handle this lack of contentment we were noticing. Then one morning near the end of July, after telling my kids to clean their room for the umpteenth time, I made the somewhat impulsive–albeit pre-warned–decision to take away ALL their stuff.
Just 2 days earlier I had spent half the day cleaning their room & re-organizing their toys and closet, which is something I do fairly regularly. I wasn’t asking them to clean some giant out-of-control mess, just to pick up a few items off the floor and put them away in the very clearly labeled baskets. Every time I came back to check on them, they had not only NOT picked up, they had made an even bigger mess.
I finally gave up and took it all away. I wasn’t angry, just fed up. I calmly began packing up not just a toy or two, but every single thing. All their dress-up clothes, baby dolls, Polly Pockets, & stuffed animals, all their Barbies, building blocks, and toy trains, right down to the the furniture from their dollhouse and play food from their kitchen. I even took the pretty Pottery Barn Kids comforter from their bed. The girls watched me in stunned silence for a few minutes and then, when the shock wore off, they helped. And just like that, their room was clear.
I had no idea what a dramatic difference this one semi-impulsive decision would make in all our lives. I first started noticing a real change about 4 weeks later when we took a family trip to Key West.
In contrast to our last outing and for the first time ever, neither girl asked us to buy a single thing the entire weekend. Not a toy, not a cheesy souvenir, not a light-up necklace from a passing street vendor. Nothing. We passed hundreds of shops and they loved looking in the window, but they were content just to be. What was most amazing to me was that we didn’t talk to them about it ahead of time. Not once did we have to tell them not to ask, or explain that being together was what mattered.
Had I not experienced it with my own eyes, I would’ve never believed that an addiction to stuff could be broken that quickly. The truth is that when I took all their stuff away, I was terrified at what would happen. I worried that I was scarring them for life, depriving them of some essential developmental need, taking away their ability to self-entertain.
In reality, the opposite has happened. Instead of being bored, they seem to have no shortage of things to do. Their attention span is much longer and they are able to mindfully focus on their task at hand. They color or read for hours at a time and happily spend the entire afternoon playing hide & seek or pretend.
They are far more content, able to appreciate the blessings that they do have, and able to truly enjoy the moment they are in without always having to move on to the next thing. They are more creative and patient, more willing to share, far more empathetic towards the plight of others, and, with little to fight over, they hardly fight at all.
When I do take down a toy for them to play with (no, I didn’t throw everything away), such as their Lego blocks or dress-up clothes or or their kitchen food & dishes, that one thing will entertain them for the entire day. (The rest has more or less been forgotten and will soon make it’s way from the attic to the Goodwill pile.)
What I love even more is that they are able to recognize excess on their own. Aside from a favorite stuffed animal and the comforter on their bed, (which they both earned back), neither of them actually want their toys back on a permanent basis. They like not being overwhelmed by stuff and not having to spend so much time cleaning their room. In fact, later that very same day, as we drove to gymnastics class, Maggie said it’s okay that we don’t have any more toys Mommy. We can just read and use our imaginations. And now we won’t have to clean up every day. She understood before I did that more stuff doesn’t make us happier.
When I first became a mom I was so happy to have a chance to start over, to undo through my children all the wrong that was done to me, to give them everything I felt I had missed out on. I wanted our lives to be perfect, and my vision of perfection included a perfectly decorated bedroom filled with beautiful things, a life where they would want for nothing.
I equated giving them stuff with making them happy, a message that our consumer driven culture hammers into our psyches from the time we our born. Oh, what a lie!
I started this blog because I am a shopaholic, and there are so many times where I buy things when I am bored or unhappy, just to fill the void. My husband laughs at me (and sometimes throws up his hand in frustration) because although I talk a good game about wanting to downsize and get rid of stuff, in reality there are still many times where I just can’t help myself from buying more.
I justify it, telling myself it was on sale or a really good deal, or something we really needed, or that I deserve it because I work so hard. In reality it is just another thing I am trying to buy to solve a problem that runs much deeper.
Stuff isn’t evil in and of itself, but in a world where we are constantly told that what we have isn’t quite good enough, the love of things can so very easily consume us. It is the pursuit of it all–more toys, cuter clothes, a prettier house, a nicer car, a bigger computer, a fancier phone–that makes us forget all the things that actually matter.
It wasn’t until after observing first hand the real and immediate changes in my children after taking their toys away that I truly began to understand. And now instead of me teaching them, they have taught me the lesson I wish I would’ve have learned a long time ago.
For our family, there’s no turning back.
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THANK YOU for this post. Seriously--I stumbled upon your blog through Pinterest and I can't wait to get to know you and your family more through your posts. I'm hoping to purge my home this summer because we have too much "stuff" that isn't important.
I hope to see the changes in my children that you have seen in yours. Congrats on a spur-of-the-moment decision that was well-made!!
Wow!!! I love this! I have felt like my girls have had too many toys for a while now and even went as far as limiting their Christmas this past year to one large item that they use frequently and necessities like hygiene products and school supplies. I will start homeschooling my girls soon and feel even more that they have too many things, most that they don't even use. I will begin slowly purging through all of our items, clothes and toys mostly because those are what we have the most excess of. Thank you for helping me know that my kids will not only be okay, but will probably thrive with less things!
Thanks so much for this post! I am getting ready to have my first baby here in July and I am so happy that I can start to create a different environment for my children, and they won't notice a difference at all. So many people commented with great ideas and I'm excited to implement them! I strongly believe that children will be so much happier and context in life if THE FAMILY and family time is the number 1 priority. Nothing can replace the love that they feel from a family!
Your blog is addicting to me as Pinterest, where I in fact found it. This is coming from a perfect stranger and may sound strange, but I am proud of you for many reasons. Firstly for your personal story of you early years. May you continue to work through those issues and with the Grace of God feel good and free. Thank you for sharing it with all of us. Secondly, your shopping tricks and tips are stellar. We live in Canada and often I am envious of the deals we find when traveling south of the border. Having said that, I tend to overbuy when we are on holiday because I can't pass it up. That whole situation is quite ridiculous. So thanks for giving me some great tips. Lastly, kudos to you for simplifying your life and your girl's life. We travel a lot and have learned that we can live out of one suitcase each for a year away. Then when we come home we are bombarded by "stuff". And it is such a struggle to get my turkeys to clean their rooms with all that stuff. The get distracted and play, who can blame them? I am going to tackle their rooms this weekend which is a long weekend up here. Thank you for that encouragement and I believe you are right in that they aren't suffering, they are now experiencing life as it should be.
I will now be following your blog and following your suggestions.
Have a wonderful summer, and thank you again. You have been a cyber-angel for me.
This post is perfect. It's just what I needed to read! Thank you, so much! You rock. xo Bridgett
An interesting read. Not something I think I would do. That being said I do however think I may do something similar, like my own mother did should the need arise. When she was left with a disobedient child with too many things and no desire to pick them up and care for her belongs my mother simply came in with trash bags and everything went. The room was left with linens on the bed and furniture, nothing else remained, not even clothes in the dresser or closet. For what felt like an eternity (which I’m sure was only a week or two) all clothing was doled out in the morning. Eventually I, the ungrateful child learned my toys and belongings hadn’t been sent to the dump but were hidden away and I earned them back. Also every year before Christmas we cleaned out the excess to make room for the new. I did learn a valuable lesson that was on occasion needed to be repeated since I was also incredibly stubborn, but I did learn to value my things. It’s a lesson that has always stayed with me and while I admit to having way more then I need and hating to part with anything, I do value what have much more than some of those I've seen around me.
I came to this page from looking at a post about how to clean your home quickly, and this article caught my eye. Maybe I am of a newer generation of thinkers who want to go back to a simpler way of life, but I too have been minimizing things in my home. Regardless of this, I was a child who had all of my toys taken away. I just want to back you up, Ruth. My mother taking my toys and throwing away the television was the single best thing that ever happened to me in my life (though I didn't think that then as I was older- seven years old is enough time to get accustomed to television.) Because she did that I began voraciously reading and had a post-collegiate reading level before I entered high school. I found a passion for art that may have otherwise been hidden. And I became a very active kid since I had to go play outside more often. Its a good thing to go back to a simpler way of life. And remember-- You are the parent, not their friend. You will do what is best for them regardless of their opinion. When they are adults they can choose for themselves. Kudos Ruth! Its good to have a new generation who will not be so consumeristic. I hope to follow in your footsteps.
I can totally relate to this blog entry! The difference however, is that I decided to get rid of many of my own belongings instead of my sons. He was already in his late teens and I had to make a change for myself before I felt I could force him to change. Although my decision was made practically overnight, implementing this particular change has been ongoing and likely always will be. Out of the blue one day, I suddenly felt as though I had lost sight of what was really important to me. I looked at all of the designer clothes, expensive knick knacks and junk that I had sitting around me and wondered what good all of these items were doing me. I had spent an extraordinary amount of money on 'things', yet my life didn't seem to be any more complete than it was prior to making these purchases. It has taken me awhile to let go but, I have made considerable progress. (I do have trouble letting go of my designer shoes but I am working on it!) My son is 18 now so I cannot change his behavior (though I hope my example has had an impact) but, I have a 1 yr old and a 2 yr old who will be growing up with fewer material things yet hopefully more appreciation for the things that truly matter. Thank you for sharing this personal experience with us. Many of us realize that this was done in love and it seems as though your children are better off for it. I am certainly better off for making the same decision. <3
I loved this post. Thank you. I am sorry for any hurtful comments you may have incurred because of your honesty. I remember when my girls were smaller and we would go through the pick up your toys routine. If I told them over the course of several days & I kept stepping over the same toys , outside of their rooms, eventually I would pick them up and throw them away. To this day they remember it. My kids had dolls stacked in the closet unopened. Now that I have a son& we have much less, I just put things away for several days. I love the experience gifts. That is so awesome. Especially with the older kids. I must teach my kids to love people, not things. P.S don't you think that sometimes it is the disciplined behaviors that help us to allow God to change our hearts. I thank you for the post.
I think this blog post is fantastic and I haven't read more about you and your family. It is clear you know your children well enough to know whether or not they would be able to handle something like this and I agree that kids do not need every single toy on the market in order to be happy. With fewer, minimalistic type toys, imaginations grow and children can, like you said, develop a longer attention span. Getting children interesting in reading while they are young is invaluable for future education (if they want to go to college.) Being able to occupy yourself or maybe one other person without being constantly stimulated by external factors is excellent! It gives parents freedom to do things like banking, grocery shopping, going to the doctor with their kids and not having boredom induced melt-downs in aisle three. I think you made a wise choice, here, especially since it is clear you are a hands-on mom who takes a deep interest in the lives of your kids and spends a lot of time with them. I do not have children yet, and I know mine will be different from yours, but I hope to be able to instill some of the aforementioned qualities in my tots! Best wishes to you!