Do you ever get so fed up with all the toys lying around? This is the inside story of my drastic decision to take my kids’ toys away.
As some of you already know, I’ve been on a mission this year to simplify my family’s life and rid ourselves of excess. Over the course of the past nine months I have probably given away about 75 percent of my girls’ toys, keeping only the items that I felt encouraged their imagination and that they actually played with. I thought I was doing pretty good.
Even so, there were warning signs that my kids still had too much stuff. In June, we took a field trip to Reptile World in Orlando. Afterwards we decided it would be fun to take the girls to dinner at a dinosaur-themed restaurant called T-Rex in Downtown Disney. While we were waiting to be seated my oldest daughter Maggie spotted the Build-a-Dino Workshop in the gift shop and although we immediately said “no way,” from that moment on she could think of nothing else.
All through our delicious dinner, surrounded by dramatic (fake) meteor showers and animatronic dinosaurs, she fixated on the one thing she couldn’t have rather than the cool sights we were actually experiencing.
On the three hour drive home, Husband and I–seriously concerned by our daughter’s inability to enjoy the moment–made a point to talk about all the neat stuff we had seen, what our favorite reptiles were, and how funny Trouble had been holding the snake. By the time we made it home the Build-a-Dino had been forgotten. At least by her. But we were worried.
In the weeks that followed, Chuck and I talked a lot about how we were going to handle this lack of contentment we were noticing. Then one morning near the end of July, after telling my kids to clean their room for the umpteenth time, I made the somewhat impulsive–albeit pre-warned–decision to take away ALL their stuff.
Just 2 days earlier I had spent half the day cleaning their room & re-organizing their toys and closet, which is something I do fairly regularly. I wasn’t asking them to clean some giant out-of-control mess, just to pick up a few items off the floor and put them away in the very clearly labeled baskets. Every time I came back to check on them, they had not only NOT picked up, they had made an even bigger mess.
I finally gave up and took it all away. I wasn’t angry, just fed up. I calmly began packing up not just a toy or two, but every single thing. All their dress-up clothes, baby dolls, Polly Pockets, & stuffed animals, all their Barbies, building blocks, and toy trains, right down to the the furniture from their dollhouse and play food from their kitchen. I even took the pretty Pottery Barn Kids comforter from their bed. The girls watched me in stunned silence for a few minutes and then, when the shock wore off, they helped. And just like that, their room was clear.
I had no idea what a dramatic difference this one semi-impulsive decision would make in all our lives. I first started noticing a real change about 4 weeks later when we took a family trip to Key West.
In contrast to our last outing and for the first time ever, neither girl asked us to buy a single thing the entire weekend. Not a toy, not a cheesy souvenir, not a light-up necklace from a passing street vendor. Nothing. We passed hundreds of shops and they loved looking in the window, but they were content just to be. What was most amazing to me was that we didn’t talk to them about it ahead of time. Not once did we have to tell them not to ask, or explain that being together was what mattered.
Had I not experienced it with my own eyes, I would’ve never believed that an addiction to stuff could be broken that quickly. The truth is that when I took all their stuff away, I was terrified at what would happen. I worried that I was scarring them for life, depriving them of some essential developmental need, taking away their ability to self-entertain.
In reality, the opposite has happened. Instead of being bored, they seem to have no shortage of things to do. Their attention span is much longer and they are able to mindfully focus on their task at hand. They color or read for hours at a time and happily spend the entire afternoon playing hide & seek or pretend.
They are far more content, able to appreciate the blessings that they do have, and able to truly enjoy the moment they are in without always having to move on to the next thing. They are more creative and patient, more willing to share, far more empathetic towards the plight of others, and, with little to fight over, they hardly fight at all.
When I do take down a toy for them to play with (no, I didn’t throw everything away), such as their Lego blocks or dress-up clothes or or their kitchen food & dishes, that one thing will entertain them for the entire day. (The rest has more or less been forgotten and will soon make it’s way from the attic to the Goodwill pile.)
What I love even more is that they are able to recognize excess on their own. Aside from a favorite stuffed animal and the comforter on their bed, (which they both earned back), neither of them actually want their toys back on a permanent basis. They like not being overwhelmed by stuff and not having to spend so much time cleaning their room. In fact, later that very same day, as we drove to gymnastics class, Maggie said it’s okay that we don’t have any more toys Mommy. We can just read and use our imaginations. And now we won’t have to clean up every day. She understood before I did that more stuff doesn’t make us happier.
When I first became a mom I was so happy to have a chance to start over, to undo through my children all the wrong that was done to me, to give them everything I felt I had missed out on. I wanted our lives to be perfect, and my vision of perfection included a perfectly decorated bedroom filled with beautiful things, a life where they would want for nothing.
I equated giving them stuff with making them happy, a message that our consumer driven culture hammers into our psyches from the time we our born. Oh, what a lie!
I started this blog because I am a shopaholic, and there are so many times where I buy things when I am bored or unhappy, just to fill the void. My husband laughs at me (and sometimes throws up his hand in frustration) because although I talk a good game about wanting to downsize and get rid of stuff, in reality there are still many times where I just can’t help myself from buying more.
I justify it, telling myself it was on sale or a really good deal, or something we really needed, or that I deserve it because I work so hard. In reality it is just another thing I am trying to buy to solve a problem that runs much deeper.
Stuff isn’t evil in and of itself, but in a world where we are constantly told that what we have isn’t quite good enough, the love of things can so very easily consume us. It is the pursuit of it all–more toys, cuter clothes, a prettier house, a nicer car, a bigger computer, a fancier phone–that makes us forget all the things that actually matter.
It wasn’t until after observing first hand the real and immediate changes in my children after taking their toys away that I truly began to understand. And now instead of me teaching them, they have taught me the lesson I wish I would’ve have learned a long time ago.
For our family, there’s no turning back.
Have you heard the news? It’s the 12th Anniversary of our LWSL Holiday Planner! For…
LWSL & Co. Favorite 5 It seems crazy that it's fall already, but we can…
Lisa's Favorite 5 I'm a busy wife, mom, and gigi, so I'm all about finding…
Feeling like your finances are out of control can be downright scary. Don't miss these…
Amanda's Favorite 5 Do you spend so much time pouring into everyone else in your…
Danny's Favorite 5 Need some gift ideas for the Dads in your life? I've got…
Simplify your life in just 3 simple steps. Get our Living Well Starter Guide, absolutely free!
View Comments
So, I just did this. Similar thing... the girls don't have a playroom, so they play in the living room. It had become an obstacle course and I was so tired of yelling at them to clean. I told them they had 15 minutes to clean up, or everything was going in the trash. I'd threatened similar consequences before, but in the past I ket their stuff and they earned it back. Before the timer went off, my 5 year old told me I should start throwing things away. She kept a few stuffed animals and put them up in her room, and both girls helped me load all their toys onto the porch (the big stuff) or in a trash can. for the past hour, they've been playing without arguing and haven't asked for a single thing back.
We've had a lot of issues with gratitude and the 5 year old, so I'm hopeful, given the update on this post, that this might help.
Thank you for sharing your experience! I love your thoughts on this. You may have already addressed this in the comments, I just didn't want to read through everyone's harsh opinions of you and your family... :)
I'm wondering how you handle all the extra stuff that comes into you home from others: Christmas gifts, birthday gifts, party favors, prizes and rewards from church, summer reading program, etc.
Thanks for sharing!
I agree with your decision completely! I have done this with my boys (ages 5 and 7) and am expecting another boy in July. I find when they have less toys (as in a dozen or so total) they are much happier, they hardly fight at all and I very seldom feel any frustration with them. The toys and electronics - at least in my opinion - are the cause of almost every single fight my children have. My problem is my husbands parents are constantly buying toys for my boys even though I've asked them not to so no matter how often I get rid of toys my house always seems to have too many. I give 1 to 2 trash bags stuffed full of toys to goodwill each month (seriously!) and my boys still have more toys than I would like. I think you're doing the right thing here. Keep up the good work!
Love this!! I totally want to do this with my boys! I can totally relate. I'm a complete shopaholic and I tell my husband I shop to fill a void. My kids have developed a sense of "entitlement" and that needs to be broken! Thanks for sharing
Have been poking all around your blog, and love what I'm seeing. I have a goal of "simplifying" too, but it's so much harder than it sounds. Turning off the TV. Purging all the "extras". Eating clean, "real" food. Living thrifty. But giving away many of my sons' toys?! I think it's a great idea! I just need to figure out how to do it. I truly believe your children will thank you someday...and so will mine.
Ruth,
I came across your blog by searching for Garage Sale Tips on Pinterest. I cannot tell you how much your personal story has connected with me. I realize I am addicted to shopping also. I currently live a very blessed life, but my childhood was similarly scaring. I can only piece together that what I'm trying to accomplish by buying things I think will make me better or more happy is because of the lack of happiness as a child. I too want to spoil my two daughter's and give them everything. I've noticed my oldest acting a little discontented recently so this post has struck a nerve. Thank you for sharing your deep personal story. I think we could all benefit from being honest with ourselves in facing our pasts and how they affect us in our day to day lives. God is so good to love us and redeem us from our choices no matter where we are at in the process. Thank you thank you thank you!!
Tabitha
Wow! That took some courage! I admire your will and determination to do it. I have struggled so much with the same thing. I love my kids more than anything and they have been so blessed to have so many loving people who show them that love by buying them a ton of toys and stuffed animals. But, it is soooo overwhelming. I would LOVE to clear out so many toys, like you did. However, part of the problem is me. Every time I go into their playroom to start getting rid of toys, I start feeling bad because of the people who gave them those toys so lovingly. I think "oh, no, I can't get rid of that because so-and-so gave them that and it would hurt their feelings if they came and saw it was gone" or "even though they don't play much with that, they only got it a year ago and the person who gave it to them would be hurt if I got rid of it". So, I have a question, Ruth. How did you deal with that? How did you overcome the feeling of potentially hurting someone who had given them toys out of love? And, also, when birthdays and other holidays come around, how do you keep the new toy presents to a minimum? Thanks for the good article! Hopefully I can find the willpower to implement at least some aspects of it in our home.
Thank you for your post. Thank you for your openness, your honesty, and your realization that our problems run quite deep.
I spent years as a shopaholic without the real income to support my addiction. I hid my purchases from my (now ex- ) husband, and he enabled me by pretending not to see the items I thought I'd hidden so well from him. I know now it was a sign of my depression, which was due in part to his depression and lack of ability to admit to it.
Now that I am happily remarried, and no longer battling the same demons, I don't have this issue AT ALL. It's so weird. But our kids definitely have too much stuff, and I periodically purge about half of it. I find the simplest moments with our kids are the best moments, and the kids behave better in those simpler moments, as do I.
This is a great concept and a great post, no one should criticize you I completely understand... and Im about to do the same thing to my 3 year old... as she is acting like your older daughter was, appreciates nothing and wants everything.. let the toy purge commence.. thanks!
I love this post because I also got rid of all the toys in our home. I am a homeschooling mother to 7 kids aged 12, 10, 8, 6, 4, 2, and 1. I did keep games, puzzles, and legos. I also let them keep 1 toy each that is special. If they get new toys from family or friends at birthdays or holidays(even though we request that they don't) we let them trade the old toy in or keep the one they have. The rest go to goodwill. I don't have room or time for the clutter, and they are just as happy without them. We have an acre with a garden and animals for them to run and learn and play. They can build things, ride bikes, run wild in the sunshine. They don't need crappy toys that break apart and cause a mess and a fight. This country is obsessed with stuff. It is quite sad and ridiculous. We are bombarded at every single angle with commercials that tell us we need more stuff. I love this article. I really love your blog! Keep up the good work. Don't listen to one person who tells you this is wrong. It isn't. They are likely so caught up in consumerism and materialism that they can't see the forest for the trees. :)