Do you ever get so fed up with all the toys lying around? This is the inside story of my drastic decision to take my kids’ toys away.
As some of you already know, I’ve been on a mission this year to simplify my family’s life and rid ourselves of excess. Over the course of the past nine months I have probably given away about 75 percent of my girls’ toys, keeping only the items that I felt encouraged their imagination and that they actually played with. I thought I was doing pretty good.
Even so, there were warning signs that my kids still had too much stuff. In June, we took a field trip to Reptile World in Orlando. Afterwards we decided it would be fun to take the girls to dinner at a dinosaur-themed restaurant called T-Rex in Downtown Disney. While we were waiting to be seated my oldest daughter Maggie spotted the Build-a-Dino Workshop in the gift shop and although we immediately said “no way,” from that moment on she could think of nothing else.
All through our delicious dinner, surrounded by dramatic (fake) meteor showers and animatronic dinosaurs, she fixated on the one thing she couldn’t have rather than the cool sights we were actually experiencing.
On the three hour drive home, Husband and I–seriously concerned by our daughter’s inability to enjoy the moment–made a point to talk about all the neat stuff we had seen, what our favorite reptiles were, and how funny Trouble had been holding the snake. By the time we made it home the Build-a-Dino had been forgotten. At least by her. But we were worried.
In the weeks that followed, Chuck and I talked a lot about how we were going to handle this lack of contentment we were noticing. Then one morning near the end of July, after telling my kids to clean their room for the umpteenth time, I made the somewhat impulsive–albeit pre-warned–decision to take away ALL their stuff.
Just 2 days earlier I had spent half the day cleaning their room & re-organizing their toys and closet, which is something I do fairly regularly. I wasn’t asking them to clean some giant out-of-control mess, just to pick up a few items off the floor and put them away in the very clearly labeled baskets. Every time I came back to check on them, they had not only NOT picked up, they had made an even bigger mess.
I finally gave up and took it all away. I wasn’t angry, just fed up. I calmly began packing up not just a toy or two, but every single thing. All their dress-up clothes, baby dolls, Polly Pockets, & stuffed animals, all their Barbies, building blocks, and toy trains, right down to the the furniture from their dollhouse and play food from their kitchen. I even took the pretty Pottery Barn Kids comforter from their bed. The girls watched me in stunned silence for a few minutes and then, when the shock wore off, they helped. And just like that, their room was clear.
I had no idea what a dramatic difference this one semi-impulsive decision would make in all our lives. I first started noticing a real change about 4 weeks later when we took a family trip to Key West.
In contrast to our last outing and for the first time ever, neither girl asked us to buy a single thing the entire weekend. Not a toy, not a cheesy souvenir, not a light-up necklace from a passing street vendor. Nothing. We passed hundreds of shops and they loved looking in the window, but they were content just to be. What was most amazing to me was that we didn’t talk to them about it ahead of time. Not once did we have to tell them not to ask, or explain that being together was what mattered.
Had I not experienced it with my own eyes, I would’ve never believed that an addiction to stuff could be broken that quickly. The truth is that when I took all their stuff away, I was terrified at what would happen. I worried that I was scarring them for life, depriving them of some essential developmental need, taking away their ability to self-entertain.
In reality, the opposite has happened. Instead of being bored, they seem to have no shortage of things to do. Their attention span is much longer and they are able to mindfully focus on their task at hand. They color or read for hours at a time and happily spend the entire afternoon playing hide & seek or pretend.
They are far more content, able to appreciate the blessings that they do have, and able to truly enjoy the moment they are in without always having to move on to the next thing. They are more creative and patient, more willing to share, far more empathetic towards the plight of others, and, with little to fight over, they hardly fight at all.
When I do take down a toy for them to play with (no, I didn’t throw everything away), such as their Lego blocks or dress-up clothes or or their kitchen food & dishes, that one thing will entertain them for the entire day. (The rest has more or less been forgotten and will soon make it’s way from the attic to the Goodwill pile.)
What I love even more is that they are able to recognize excess on their own. Aside from a favorite stuffed animal and the comforter on their bed, (which they both earned back), neither of them actually want their toys back on a permanent basis. They like not being overwhelmed by stuff and not having to spend so much time cleaning their room. In fact, later that very same day, as we drove to gymnastics class, Maggie said it’s okay that we don’t have any more toys Mommy. We can just read and use our imaginations. And now we won’t have to clean up every day. She understood before I did that more stuff doesn’t make us happier.
When I first became a mom I was so happy to have a chance to start over, to undo through my children all the wrong that was done to me, to give them everything I felt I had missed out on. I wanted our lives to be perfect, and my vision of perfection included a perfectly decorated bedroom filled with beautiful things, a life where they would want for nothing.
I equated giving them stuff with making them happy, a message that our consumer driven culture hammers into our psyches from the time we our born. Oh, what a lie!
I started this blog because I am a shopaholic, and there are so many times where I buy things when I am bored or unhappy, just to fill the void. My husband laughs at me (and sometimes throws up his hand in frustration) because although I talk a good game about wanting to downsize and get rid of stuff, in reality there are still many times where I just can’t help myself from buying more.
I justify it, telling myself it was on sale or a really good deal, or something we really needed, or that I deserve it because I work so hard. In reality it is just another thing I am trying to buy to solve a problem that runs much deeper.
Stuff isn’t evil in and of itself, but in a world where we are constantly told that what we have isn’t quite good enough, the love of things can so very easily consume us. It is the pursuit of it all–more toys, cuter clothes, a prettier house, a nicer car, a bigger computer, a fancier phone–that makes us forget all the things that actually matter.
It wasn’t until after observing first hand the real and immediate changes in my children after taking their toys away that I truly began to understand. And now instead of me teaching them, they have taught me the lesson I wish I would’ve have learned a long time ago.
For our family, there’s no turning back.
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Helpful post and helpful comments. What an enlightening conversation. I've read many different anecdotes of decluttering children's toys, and every one of them talked about how positive it was for the kids. The negative comments here have been surprising but interesting and informative. I've wanted to get rid of toys and clutter for ages, but just wasn't sure how to go about it. This page has helped a lot. Yours and others' positive experiences have provided a great foundation of how this could work and improve my family's quality of life, and gives me a lot of confidence to try a purge of some sort. The negative comments, although I didn't always appreciate HOW they were shared, helped me seriously consider how I should go about doing this, especially to NOT go about it in anger, but rather with respect, love, and kindness. I've also gleaned some great ideas on how to manage after purging. Thank you for sharing and facilitating this great conversation.
Yes your right this is my first time on your blog and I found it by Pinterest. I applaud you. I too cleaned out everything in my 4 years room in the stress of asking to clean her room on everyday basis. But my down fall was I allowed her to earn most of them back. She is the only child and I have a shopping addictions for her. I believed she needed all these things to be a happy only child bc she does not have anyone to play with. She is 4 and more than most 10 years old. However your right she does not play w 3/4 of it. She mainly plays w/ her ipad and colors. I'm am so glad that I found your blog bc I felt so bad when I clean her room out and made her earn them back. I found this just in time bc I'm starting on building her a new bed w/play area underneath. I'm going to clean out everything but books and learning items. I going to allow her her few items she picks but that s it. The older she gets and the more I'm around other kids in school, dance, soccer, etc kids now days have no respect for earning anything they expect it. I see she going down the same track and I was not raised that why. I earned my thing and I did respect them more. I'm so inspired by you blog and would like to say Thank you and keep up the good job. Please do not listen to those to people who passes judgement on you raising your children. You can be proud how they act in public and they are not always begging for something. You enjoy your vacations and time out with them. Those are memories you can never get back. I don't know you but I LOVE YOU for inspiring me to be a better mother and how I can make better memories with my 4 year old.
I wish you all the best in the world.
Tonya Massey
Just recently I purged the majority of our toys and a lot of kids clothes as well as a lot of other stuff in our house. We're still working on it but so far the changes have been dramatic. Everyone in our house is happier, content, and less stressed...and I hardly have to spend any time cleaning. It's amazing. Thank you for the inspiration to cut back even more!
WOW! I just found this blog from someone posting it on Facebook and I LOVE THIS!!! We have a nephew who gets an excessive amount of gifts each Christmas (he is 9!) just because he is the only grandchild on his side of the family. Years back when the excess started, he was overjoyed.... but now he just tears through the wrapping of each present without barely a glace at the gift as he searches for the most expensive item. Last year, in addition to 30+ other gifts, he received a $500 tablet that he only knows how to play Angry Birds on. Needlessly to say, his love of money and material items is now obnoxiously evident and he feels entitled to these things.
When my husband and I have kids, we want to avoid this behavior at all costs and so - all that to say - I love what you have done to inspire character, contentment, and genuine joy in your children! Thank you for the inspiration. :)
Feel free to check out my blog anytime. ;)
I just discovered your blog for the first time and this is the first article I read. EXCELLENT!! IT is a difficult road for us Americans to walk when someone talks about taking away our things or entertainment. Luxury and ease characterize our culture, and unfortunately those earmarks don't create good character. Keep pressing on!
Wow! I'm really torn on this issue... There are so many points here that hit home. Most children in my child's peer group have entirely too many toys and we also reached a point where we had too much. We chose to donate about half of the toys and the remaining toys were split in half again in order to rotate them. My son was a willing participant in this process. He helped sort everything and decided what he wanted to keep and what he would donate (under my supervision of course). But, let me back up here to the fundamentals of this issue- I believe that what lies at the heart of the toy problem is not only too many toys but the type of toys that people buy their kids. I've continually seen people buy there kids these expensive toys that sing and dance! Not necessary people! And in fact its damaging. Kids need simple toys that encourage imagination- not a battery operated, overstimulating, circus in a box, type toy! How many times have you seen kids play more with a big box after Christmas than they play with the thing that came out of the box? Lol! Its because that box can be anything! Its not finite - it leaves room for imagination and creation, whereas these other loud and expensive toys do not. Also I've noticed that the parents that buy these loud, expensive toys for their children because they want their children to be entertained by the toy- not to learn from the play. Lets face it- educational toys like puzzles, art supplies, blocks, etc... often require parents to participate whereas these big, moving, electronic, brightly colored, attention captivators are used as baby sitters- not learning guides. I'm sad to see it but I've noticed it continually- Many parents would rather buy a toy that keeps their kids busy so they don't have to be involved rather than a toy that helps them teach and guide their child's discovery through play.
SO, basically I think kids should have toys, but, the right kind of toys. No toys at all is a stretch. Even if done with kindness it is an extreme. A few toys of the right kind that are rotated and enjoyed is what we do and it works for us. I believe in it because of the reasons I stated above and other reasons as well but I'm not going to get too specific here. However, I do agree with Ruth in that the majority of parents need to take a serious look at the toy issue and downsize. We need to seriously consider our values as a society as far as materialism and consumerism go and we start by making change at home. Be the change ;)
I stumbled across this blog via Pintrest (Yes it's an addiction of mine, Husband and kids are tucked up in bed, & I'm "Pinning") - I've had this urge the past couple of weeks to just purge the house of all the excess....toys, linen, gadgets, clothing, stuff we have multiples of, it's ridiculous. In saying that, I have been veeeeerrrryyy slow to get started, it seems so overwhelming to actually get in and get the job done without turning the entire house to chaos. However reading this blog has given me a major itch to just DO IT! - Starting tomorrow. First step the pantry, I'm pretty certain I have 2 popcorn makers, a spare mix master, toaster, coffee grinder & milkshake maker that are just "back-up's" Tomorrow they shall leave. Next step, Kids Toys. Wish me luck. & Thank you for inspiring me to de-clutter, and free our home & life of extra weight! :-)
P.S. I'll be continuing to check out your blogs from down under in the land of Oz
Hello, I have 4 children that are ages 14, 12, 11, 9. We are a one income family and have been for over 10 years since we decided to homeschool. But because of lack of finances, our children have done without when compared to others their age. They have never had oodles of toys or games. And we can't afford cable. But they don't complain as it is just "how we live". I commend your bold decision to regain peace in your home especially then to share it publicly...It's not always easy putting yourself out there knowing others will differ and judge. As I read some of the comments of others, one particular comment stuck out...electronics. All 4 of my children, especially my 2 older ones are computer junkies...I don't like seeing them hovered over the computer so much, but now that they are in middle and high school and aren't into toys, or puzzles what else can they do...the time when simple things kept their attention are over. Any suggestions for ideas to replace some computer time are much appreciated.
BOOKS! I was homeschooled. I can definitely say that the one thing that probably helped me the most when I went to college was my love affair with the written word. Make sure that they have access to a variety of literature that meets your standards so that they have a chance to learn what they like and improve their minds in a wide spectrum of topics and genres.
cabinofbows.blogspot.com
I have to admit that on more than one occasion I have taken ALL of my sons toys away. ALL of them. I let him earn them back by doing chores, but each time I considered not letting him get them back because just like you said, I noticed that he was actually ENJOYING it. In fact, he says he hates a lot of his toys and he WANTS to give them away and then he doesn't miss them at all when they are gone. I really think we often think that kids need everything out there to be happy but in reality, it's more FUN to use their imaginations and so much less overwhelming. I actually felt pretty guilty after I took all my sons toys away (hence why I let him earn them back) but now I'm considering just getting rid of most (not all) of them anyways. With his help, of course.
I have a toy closet where all of the toys hide and only I go into that closet. Visiting children know where it is and ask for stuff from it, which I retrieve and then close the door. (It also holds the extra booster seats for visiting children as well.)
My littles are too little to know that that is where the toys are but I imagine that I might need to make different arrangements when they get older.
The toys that are out are the wooden toys, balls, and a couple of stuffies (which I HATE) but no more. Books are always on offer which have recently become fascinating to our 16 month old. My son still manages to make a mess with the few toys that are out, then goes into the kitchen to play with the tupperware drawer. :-)
I think that I am going to downsize even more and then just continue rotating toys in and out. I have never felt that many toys were needed, I grew up on a farm and we never had more than 3 or 4 toys for ourselves. And then... I must say, they usually sat around anyhow.
I wish that I could get rid of the stuffies but most of them have special meaning for them. So off into the cupboard they go... :-)
I love the idea that Anon (2 up) follows with their kiddos - the gifts for Christmas. Want, Need, Wear and Read. That just makes sense.
I'm so glad that I've come across this post, it reminds me that not everyone has a huge mess of toys and that we are not depriving our children. Thanks!