Do you ever get so fed up with all the toys lying around? This is the inside story of my drastic decision to take my kids’ toys away.
As some of you already know, I’ve been on a mission this year to simplify my family’s life and rid ourselves of excess. Over the course of the past nine months I have probably given away about 75 percent of my girls’ toys, keeping only the items that I felt encouraged their imagination and that they actually played with. I thought I was doing pretty good.
Even so, there were warning signs that my kids still had too much stuff. In June, we took a field trip to Reptile World in Orlando. Afterwards we decided it would be fun to take the girls to dinner at a dinosaur-themed restaurant called T-Rex in Downtown Disney. While we were waiting to be seated my oldest daughter Maggie spotted the Build-a-Dino Workshop in the gift shop and although we immediately said “no way,” from that moment on she could think of nothing else.
All through our delicious dinner, surrounded by dramatic (fake) meteor showers and animatronic dinosaurs, she fixated on the one thing she couldn’t have rather than the cool sights we were actually experiencing.
On the three hour drive home, Husband and I–seriously concerned by our daughter’s inability to enjoy the moment–made a point to talk about all the neat stuff we had seen, what our favorite reptiles were, and how funny Trouble had been holding the snake. By the time we made it home the Build-a-Dino had been forgotten. At least by her. But we were worried.
In the weeks that followed, Chuck and I talked a lot about how we were going to handle this lack of contentment we were noticing. Then one morning near the end of July, after telling my kids to clean their room for the umpteenth time, I made the somewhat impulsive–albeit pre-warned–decision to take away ALL their stuff.
Just 2 days earlier I had spent half the day cleaning their room & re-organizing their toys and closet, which is something I do fairly regularly. I wasn’t asking them to clean some giant out-of-control mess, just to pick up a few items off the floor and put them away in the very clearly labeled baskets. Every time I came back to check on them, they had not only NOT picked up, they had made an even bigger mess.
I finally gave up and took it all away. I wasn’t angry, just fed up. I calmly began packing up not just a toy or two, but every single thing. All their dress-up clothes, baby dolls, Polly Pockets, & stuffed animals, all their Barbies, building blocks, and toy trains, right down to the the furniture from their dollhouse and play food from their kitchen. I even took the pretty Pottery Barn Kids comforter from their bed. The girls watched me in stunned silence for a few minutes and then, when the shock wore off, they helped. And just like that, their room was clear.
I had no idea what a dramatic difference this one semi-impulsive decision would make in all our lives. I first started noticing a real change about 4 weeks later when we took a family trip to Key West.
In contrast to our last outing and for the first time ever, neither girl asked us to buy a single thing the entire weekend. Not a toy, not a cheesy souvenir, not a light-up necklace from a passing street vendor. Nothing. We passed hundreds of shops and they loved looking in the window, but they were content just to be. What was most amazing to me was that we didn’t talk to them about it ahead of time. Not once did we have to tell them not to ask, or explain that being together was what mattered.
Had I not experienced it with my own eyes, I would’ve never believed that an addiction to stuff could be broken that quickly. The truth is that when I took all their stuff away, I was terrified at what would happen. I worried that I was scarring them for life, depriving them of some essential developmental need, taking away their ability to self-entertain.
In reality, the opposite has happened. Instead of being bored, they seem to have no shortage of things to do. Their attention span is much longer and they are able to mindfully focus on their task at hand. They color or read for hours at a time and happily spend the entire afternoon playing hide & seek or pretend.
They are far more content, able to appreciate the blessings that they do have, and able to truly enjoy the moment they are in without always having to move on to the next thing. They are more creative and patient, more willing to share, far more empathetic towards the plight of others, and, with little to fight over, they hardly fight at all.
When I do take down a toy for them to play with (no, I didn’t throw everything away), such as their Lego blocks or dress-up clothes or or their kitchen food & dishes, that one thing will entertain them for the entire day. (The rest has more or less been forgotten and will soon make it’s way from the attic to the Goodwill pile.)
What I love even more is that they are able to recognize excess on their own. Aside from a favorite stuffed animal and the comforter on their bed, (which they both earned back), neither of them actually want their toys back on a permanent basis. They like not being overwhelmed by stuff and not having to spend so much time cleaning their room. In fact, later that very same day, as we drove to gymnastics class, Maggie said it’s okay that we don’t have any more toys Mommy. We can just read and use our imaginations. And now we won’t have to clean up every day. She understood before I did that more stuff doesn’t make us happier.
When I first became a mom I was so happy to have a chance to start over, to undo through my children all the wrong that was done to me, to give them everything I felt I had missed out on. I wanted our lives to be perfect, and my vision of perfection included a perfectly decorated bedroom filled with beautiful things, a life where they would want for nothing.
I equated giving them stuff with making them happy, a message that our consumer driven culture hammers into our psyches from the time we our born. Oh, what a lie!
I started this blog because I am a shopaholic, and there are so many times where I buy things when I am bored or unhappy, just to fill the void. My husband laughs at me (and sometimes throws up his hand in frustration) because although I talk a good game about wanting to downsize and get rid of stuff, in reality there are still many times where I just can’t help myself from buying more.
I justify it, telling myself it was on sale or a really good deal, or something we really needed, or that I deserve it because I work so hard. In reality it is just another thing I am trying to buy to solve a problem that runs much deeper.
Stuff isn’t evil in and of itself, but in a world where we are constantly told that what we have isn’t quite good enough, the love of things can so very easily consume us. It is the pursuit of it all–more toys, cuter clothes, a prettier house, a nicer car, a bigger computer, a fancier phone–that makes us forget all the things that actually matter.
It wasn’t until after observing first hand the real and immediate changes in my children after taking their toys away that I truly began to understand. And now instead of me teaching them, they have taught me the lesson I wish I would’ve have learned a long time ago.
For our family, there’s no turning back.
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I completely understand your point of view with this post and I agree with you, I wish the best for you and your family. And as far as being a shopaholic, what has worked really well for me is telling myself that even though it seems like a good deal i'm sure they will have an even better next week or at another store, I rarely end up buying anything that is not a necessity.
I enjoyed ready your post. I have 5 children. Ive been widowed for the past 7 yrs. My childrens ages are 24,21,17,14, & 7. My children have never had lots of toys. There causins would come to visist and say that they were poor or ask where are your toys. My oldest Amanda whom is a mother of two. Would say that the world out side is there play house. They would teacher others how to play with less. But, they also had animals as we had a small homestead. My 3 older children grew-up with horses. I do agree that children and people have to much. We live very simple. In our house we dont have cable TV. Just movies. We have to many choices in this life. Simple is best.
P.S. Sara, How many children do you have? Have you ever been down this road that your making a comment on? Just wondering?
you seem to have went to the other EXTREME- for some reason, when people have children they like to go from one extreme to the other- balance seems foreign to them. however, need us remind everyone that the most successful children out there had BALANCE. not taking away all their stuff and not wastefully piling garbage - BALANCE- this is something the poster, in her moment of "Frustration and anger," forgot. This reminds me of the narcissist parent that makes decisions for the kid based on their ego, not from reason or thoughtful reflection (weighting the options, so to speak). It also reminds one of the narcissist parent that (as the child grows up) starts taking toys that their now growing children have kept as memories and gives them away without asking permission. when they realize the toy is missing (something that had great sentimental value) the narcissist *shrugs* and does it again. just plain downright dirty and mean. seems the poster might have anger and control issues
I disagree. I read the whole post and it didn't come across as narcissistic or extreme. She clearly stated that she "wasn't angry, just fed up", the kids do have a special stuffed animal, and the kids still have toys that she pulls out for them. What they don't have excess and what they seem to have learned is contentment--something a narcissist will never understand.
Found this story on Pinterest, haven't read any other posts from your blog, but wanted to commend you on setting your kids up for success! I currently have no children, but if I ever do I would hope I'm able to do what you're accomplishing. You are setting your kids up to be happy with themselves and not need materialistic things to find their happiness. Keep up the good work!!
This is almost as sick as circumcision... (Circumcision removes 80% of the nerve endings and is extreme torture (all medical 'benefits' have been disproven)) This makes me sick! This is close to a cult of some sort, Some idiot makes a post and all these people are like 'SURE, I'LL TAKE ALL MY KIDS STUFF, THIS SOUNDS AWESOME!'
Really?
Nathaniel, I already posted above and I don't want to repeat myself. But I'd advise you to take a look at my post from June 4th.... Now that you've read my post and you know where I stand on the issue, you see that I don't agree with taking toys away completely at all. But, I wanted to ask because you are so completely adverse to this, do you have children?
...Because taking away some of their toys doesn't take away their imagination and it surely doesn't take away there drive. Material driven ambition isn't healthy in children or adults. Thats not why we do things. And... I'd be surprised to hear you say this if you had kids because they NEVER just sit and imagine. With or without mounds of toys, kids are active and creative and bursting with energy. Oftentimes, without being given toys, kids will make things to play with, build forts, etc... and this builds confidence so that when they grow up, instead of wanting something materialistic and feeling inadequate if they don't acquire that thing, they feel confident, knowing that they can use their creativity and resourcefulness to fulfill their needs. What do you think?
Really? You are idiotic... you are influencing parents to make a horrible choice damaging their children's lives...
When I was a kid I had toys, I liked them and I used my imagination playing with them... It disgusts me that you make them lose all physical play and leave them to use fantasies in their minds. That was a very bad decision.
It makes them lose the drive to do things, It makes it so when they grow up and want something, instead of striving for it they will just sit and fantasize about it!
Very idiotic.... Very idiotic....
I think you are the idiot here...did you read the whole thing? Those girls still have toys. she just downsized all the unnecessary toys in their house. No one is getting hurt she is doing the best for HER kids, and she knows her kids better than anyone else and she said they are doing great and are a lot happier. How can you be mad at that?
Amen to ALL of that Nathaniel!
I have 3 children ages 11, 9, and 4. After a particularly difficult battle with getting them to clean their room, I took almost everything away and told them they would have to earn it back. Within weeks of getting their toys back my oldest asked if I would take everything away and give it away. After reading this post I am considering doing some major purging. I would definitely keep the Lego's and the books, but can any 2 kids possibly play with umpteen matchbox cars. ;)
I love this... I've been trying to do this for years. The less toys my kids have the happier they are.... how do you explain this and deal kindly with extremely doting grandparents? Ps thanks for the encouragement to keep going forward.
This is my first time on your blog and I found it through Pinterest. I must say that I love what you have done. I have two girls, 10 and 4 and they have everything they could ever want; from toys to electronics to clothes and more. Too much in my opinion. I did the same as you, I began buying them more and more things just because I did not have much growing up and I did not want them to feel the way I felt while growing up or to ever go with out. Our city does a community wide yard sale that we are going to be participating in and we will be purging our home. We had started at the beginning of the year but we will be doing the yard sale to get rid of items. Even the girls are ready to get rid of items because they have so much to clean. We make them clean up their toys every night before bed and it takes them about an hour to clean up everything. We love the simple life and of course they will keep some toys because we home school and some of those are used in class but for others, the toys are just taking up space. Good Job to you and your family for living a simple, clutter-free life! We'll be right behind you!
p.s. I do not think you were to harsh and if your girls love the new simple life I say rock on! (I wouldn't have taken the comforter though, lol! My girls are easily cold!)
Why would you take away ALL their toys! Kids need at least a couple of toys each because my child Lucinda doesn't have an obsession She only gets toys on her b day and christmas and toys spark imagination that kids need. Social media can ruin kids lives so if you keep them active they wont have enough time to play on the ipad or whatever and th ey will be having so much fun and when they do whant to get on the computer they will think"oh well this is boring MUM CAN I PLAY WI TH MY TOYS????????" Now th is is how you can control it, Dolls,
you only need one. Beanie kids, you can have 2 ,a boy and girl.
Sleeping toys, just,keep the ones that they sleep with ,simple !
Kids need toys. Its like a ying with no yang
Kids need imagination its simple and last thing dont give th em toys often because they will think that they can get them whenever they please just say no
You obviously didn't finish reading what she wrote...or understand what she said. She said all the toys are gone except their two american girl doll (one each) and some outfits for the dolls, books, art and craft supplies, legos, some dress up clothes, and play kitchen food and dishes.
You really should finish reading something and make sure you understand it BEFORE you comment and make yourself look like a fool!