Do you ever get so fed up with all the toys lying around? This is the inside story of my drastic decision to take my kids’ toys away.
As some of you already know, I’ve been on a mission this year to simplify my family’s life and rid ourselves of excess. Over the course of the past nine months I have probably given away about 75 percent of my girls’ toys, keeping only the items that I felt encouraged their imagination and that they actually played with. I thought I was doing pretty good.
Even so, there were warning signs that my kids still had too much stuff. In June, we took a field trip to Reptile World in Orlando. Afterwards we decided it would be fun to take the girls to dinner at a dinosaur-themed restaurant called T-Rex in Downtown Disney. While we were waiting to be seated my oldest daughter Maggie spotted the Build-a-Dino Workshop in the gift shop and although we immediately said “no way,” from that moment on she could think of nothing else.
All through our delicious dinner, surrounded by dramatic (fake) meteor showers and animatronic dinosaurs, she fixated on the one thing she couldn’t have rather than the cool sights we were actually experiencing.
On the three hour drive home, Husband and I–seriously concerned by our daughter’s inability to enjoy the moment–made a point to talk about all the neat stuff we had seen, what our favorite reptiles were, and how funny Trouble had been holding the snake. By the time we made it home the Build-a-Dino had been forgotten. At least by her. But we were worried.
In the weeks that followed, Chuck and I talked a lot about how we were going to handle this lack of contentment we were noticing. Then one morning near the end of July, after telling my kids to clean their room for the umpteenth time, I made the somewhat impulsive–albeit pre-warned–decision to take away ALL their stuff.
Just 2 days earlier I had spent half the day cleaning their room & re-organizing their toys and closet, which is something I do fairly regularly. I wasn’t asking them to clean some giant out-of-control mess, just to pick up a few items off the floor and put them away in the very clearly labeled baskets. Every time I came back to check on them, they had not only NOT picked up, they had made an even bigger mess.
I finally gave up and took it all away. I wasn’t angry, just fed up. I calmly began packing up not just a toy or two, but every single thing. All their dress-up clothes, baby dolls, Polly Pockets, & stuffed animals, all their Barbies, building blocks, and toy trains, right down to the the furniture from their dollhouse and play food from their kitchen. I even took the pretty Pottery Barn Kids comforter from their bed. The girls watched me in stunned silence for a few minutes and then, when the shock wore off, they helped. And just like that, their room was clear.
I had no idea what a dramatic difference this one semi-impulsive decision would make in all our lives. I first started noticing a real change about 4 weeks later when we took a family trip to Key West.
In contrast to our last outing and for the first time ever, neither girl asked us to buy a single thing the entire weekend. Not a toy, not a cheesy souvenir, not a light-up necklace from a passing street vendor. Nothing. We passed hundreds of shops and they loved looking in the window, but they were content just to be. What was most amazing to me was that we didn’t talk to them about it ahead of time. Not once did we have to tell them not to ask, or explain that being together was what mattered.
Had I not experienced it with my own eyes, I would’ve never believed that an addiction to stuff could be broken that quickly. The truth is that when I took all their stuff away, I was terrified at what would happen. I worried that I was scarring them for life, depriving them of some essential developmental need, taking away their ability to self-entertain.
In reality, the opposite has happened. Instead of being bored, they seem to have no shortage of things to do. Their attention span is much longer and they are able to mindfully focus on their task at hand. They color or read for hours at a time and happily spend the entire afternoon playing hide & seek or pretend.
They are far more content, able to appreciate the blessings that they do have, and able to truly enjoy the moment they are in without always having to move on to the next thing. They are more creative and patient, more willing to share, far more empathetic towards the plight of others, and, with little to fight over, they hardly fight at all.
When I do take down a toy for them to play with (no, I didn’t throw everything away), such as their Lego blocks or dress-up clothes or or their kitchen food & dishes, that one thing will entertain them for the entire day. (The rest has more or less been forgotten and will soon make it’s way from the attic to the Goodwill pile.)
What I love even more is that they are able to recognize excess on their own. Aside from a favorite stuffed animal and the comforter on their bed, (which they both earned back), neither of them actually want their toys back on a permanent basis. They like not being overwhelmed by stuff and not having to spend so much time cleaning their room. In fact, later that very same day, as we drove to gymnastics class, Maggie said it’s okay that we don’t have any more toys Mommy. We can just read and use our imaginations. And now we won’t have to clean up every day. She understood before I did that more stuff doesn’t make us happier.
When I first became a mom I was so happy to have a chance to start over, to undo through my children all the wrong that was done to me, to give them everything I felt I had missed out on. I wanted our lives to be perfect, and my vision of perfection included a perfectly decorated bedroom filled with beautiful things, a life where they would want for nothing.
I equated giving them stuff with making them happy, a message that our consumer driven culture hammers into our psyches from the time we our born. Oh, what a lie!
I started this blog because I am a shopaholic, and there are so many times where I buy things when I am bored or unhappy, just to fill the void. My husband laughs at me (and sometimes throws up his hand in frustration) because although I talk a good game about wanting to downsize and get rid of stuff, in reality there are still many times where I just can’t help myself from buying more.
I justify it, telling myself it was on sale or a really good deal, or something we really needed, or that I deserve it because I work so hard. In reality it is just another thing I am trying to buy to solve a problem that runs much deeper.
Stuff isn’t evil in and of itself, but in a world where we are constantly told that what we have isn’t quite good enough, the love of things can so very easily consume us. It is the pursuit of it all–more toys, cuter clothes, a prettier house, a nicer car, a bigger computer, a fancier phone–that makes us forget all the things that actually matter.
It wasn’t until after observing first hand the real and immediate changes in my children after taking their toys away that I truly began to understand. And now instead of me teaching them, they have taught me the lesson I wish I would’ve have learned a long time ago.
For our family, there’s no turning back.
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More power to you! For me it is easy to keep just a few things and be happy. My hubby is a whole new story though. It took me ten years for him to realize than less is more. Las year when I got pregnant I went through the entire house (including every closet, kitchen cabinet, and shoes) and pulled out every ithem I didn't absolutely needed it.My hubby couldn't let books and dvd movies go. He did hoever built a computer server and is saving all the movies soo we can shed of those too. I am still working on books. All of that said, I am determine to raise my now 6 month old with very few toys. Stuff makes us less content and takes precious space away. I dont support that ;)
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Hi I am a mother of 4 older well behaved children (22,19,17 and 15). My children do not get into trouble and are very polite. The reason I am pointing this out is I have done things similar that you have done and than in the end given them back their toys or worse I left them bagged and bought new toys. In fact on a recent purge of our shed i found 3 bags full of toys I at one time took away because they didn't clean there room. I am now looking back on this and think what would of been better. First of all I should of never bought so many toys to begin with. My children didn't need them but both my husband and I work hard and wanted to make things "nice" for them. If I had to do it again I would give them an allowance of a certain amount when we went out. Not every time either. I did make my children clean their rooms (as said before I fought with getting this accomplished) and they always have helped around the house. I think I should of given them a monthly allowance so they would learn the value of money. Although my older children don't carry any credit cards they have had to adjust to not spending all their paychecks on eating out and clothes. They really never learned that it is ok to not buy that pretty shirt. Recently I was helping my daughter pay for a friends present because she didn't have any money. Well, I discovered the reason she didn't have money was because she bought $80 suntan lotion for the tanning booth. Something she obviously didn't need since we live in Florida. I cut up her bank card because it was sitting in front of me. Now this is a debit card but my daughter is very busy with school and work so getting to the bank is a little bit tricker. This has made her really think about the cash she has in her hands and now she is saving. I think she didn't learn the value of a dollar early on and my son had several NSF funds for awhile there too. Had I taught them earlier in life that value of the dollar and how much they don't need every possession they see or to eat out all the time I wouldn't have to teach it to them now. Again other than that my kids are awesome, polite and do well in school. I guess I'm saying if you have little kids teach them early that they don't need every toy and get them to understand what it means to save and not always spend.
Hey there
I have no doubt this post became controversial haha
As I was reading through it, at first I thought your decision was kinda radical, but then, as I kept reading, your worries met mines.
We don't have kids yet, and we're not even planing them (yet), but from time to time I think about how it would be if we had kids, and one of my worries is how would I encourage their imagination.
My mom is a terrific mom. With her ups and downs, she always, always, always encouraged me to use and play with my imagination. There were always artistic supplies at home. There was always time to make papel mache, or to paint, or to whatever it comes with imagination and creation.
Now that I think of it, I didn't have those many toys either. I did have Barbies and baby dolls, but to be honest, I remember getting super bored with those... I'd rather read, or paint, or cross stitch (that was my grandma <3) than playing with the Barbies.
I'm not the most organized person on Earth (I'm pretty messy actually) so the idea of organizing daily doesn't appeal me at all. I constantly try to avoid big mess at home, just to avoid the fact of cleaning after, so I try to tidy whatever I mess as soon as possible, and I remember quite well, that I HATED to tidy up my room as a child. I actually don't believe any child enjoys it haha
I think your children are yours to rise. To be honest, I totally agree with your decision. It's not that your taking everything away and leaving them with NOTHING to entertain. They paint. They have dress up clothes. They have Legos. The now use their imagination. It's so sad to see an adult with no imagination, and therefore, no resolution power or whatsoever. People tend to underestimate imagination while they should be doing exactly the opposite.
Go, courage woman. Kuddos for you!
Thank you so much for this post!
I looked at so many children who feel they have a right to things and have an over consumption of toys. Me and my husband want to start having kids when he comes back from Afghanistan and I'm definitely going to get him to read this. I really enjoyed it.
This is a great post. I have not read any other comments as my internet time is limited (yep, mine too!) but I have felt for some time that my kids have too much "stuff." I always feel bad about even thinking of taking things away, because they play with everything... right? In thinking about it a little more, they may get EVERYTHING out, but they only play with things for a few minutes before getting something else out resulting in a an incredibly messy bedroom that then takes 45+ minutes to clean up, pushing bedtime back at least half an hour and causing Mommy's blood pressure to come up just a smidge (or more). I am inspired by your decision and will find a way this weekend to get the kids otherwise occupied while I go into their room and truly assess the situation. Thank you for helping me see I'm not alone in this thinking and putting it into perspective. You definitely have a new reader here! :)
I know this was written quite a while ago, but I just saw this on Pinterest and wanted to encourage you! AMEN! Your kids will be so much better off because they have a parent like you! Keep it up. Now I'm going to go purge my children's toys!
First of all, I love your bravery. This is not child abuse, for most of human history, children have NOT had any toys except the ones they make on their own. Toys these days are a complete luxury so it's inspiring that your children's reaction was as positive as it was. And congratulations to you for getting your kids back!
I have minimal toys for my kids but I've been tempted to do what you're talking about and I feel like I wouldn't have the need to apologize after reading this post.
GREAT work!
-Sandra
I am so glad that I found this post! I have been struggling with this with my 4 kids. I have taken everything away before and I approached it wrong and it didn't work. I have been feeling like we need to try it again. Trying this again has been on my mind for a very long time and it has been causing some anxiety! I am very inspired by your post and I cant wait to follow your lead, thank you!!
I forgot to leave my name...my name is Mykell (Michael)...duh, I cant believe I forgot that!
I remember in Pakistan when watching two little boys play and laugh rumbunctiously with pair of pillows for a good hour. The American missionary next to me commented, "and to realize that at home anyone thinks kids need toys"