Do you ever get so fed up with all the toys lying around? This is the inside story of my drastic decision to take my kids’ toys away.
As some of you already know, I’ve been on a mission this year to simplify my family’s life and rid ourselves of excess. Over the course of the past nine months I have probably given away about 75 percent of my girls’ toys, keeping only the items that I felt encouraged their imagination and that they actually played with. I thought I was doing pretty good.
Even so, there were warning signs that my kids still had too much stuff. In June, we took a field trip to Reptile World in Orlando. Afterwards we decided it would be fun to take the girls to dinner at a dinosaur-themed restaurant called T-Rex in Downtown Disney. While we were waiting to be seated my oldest daughter Maggie spotted the Build-a-Dino Workshop in the gift shop and although we immediately said “no way,” from that moment on she could think of nothing else.
All through our delicious dinner, surrounded by dramatic (fake) meteor showers and animatronic dinosaurs, she fixated on the one thing she couldn’t have rather than the cool sights we were actually experiencing.
On the three hour drive home, Husband and I–seriously concerned by our daughter’s inability to enjoy the moment–made a point to talk about all the neat stuff we had seen, what our favorite reptiles were, and how funny Trouble had been holding the snake. By the time we made it home the Build-a-Dino had been forgotten. At least by her. But we were worried.
In the weeks that followed, Chuck and I talked a lot about how we were going to handle this lack of contentment we were noticing. Then one morning near the end of July, after telling my kids to clean their room for the umpteenth time, I made the somewhat impulsive–albeit pre-warned–decision to take away ALL their stuff.
Just 2 days earlier I had spent half the day cleaning their room & re-organizing their toys and closet, which is something I do fairly regularly. I wasn’t asking them to clean some giant out-of-control mess, just to pick up a few items off the floor and put them away in the very clearly labeled baskets. Every time I came back to check on them, they had not only NOT picked up, they had made an even bigger mess.
I finally gave up and took it all away. I wasn’t angry, just fed up. I calmly began packing up not just a toy or two, but every single thing. All their dress-up clothes, baby dolls, Polly Pockets, & stuffed animals, all their Barbies, building blocks, and toy trains, right down to the the furniture from their dollhouse and play food from their kitchen. I even took the pretty Pottery Barn Kids comforter from their bed. The girls watched me in stunned silence for a few minutes and then, when the shock wore off, they helped. And just like that, their room was clear.
I had no idea what a dramatic difference this one semi-impulsive decision would make in all our lives. I first started noticing a real change about 4 weeks later when we took a family trip to Key West.
In contrast to our last outing and for the first time ever, neither girl asked us to buy a single thing the entire weekend. Not a toy, not a cheesy souvenir, not a light-up necklace from a passing street vendor. Nothing. We passed hundreds of shops and they loved looking in the window, but they were content just to be. What was most amazing to me was that we didn’t talk to them about it ahead of time. Not once did we have to tell them not to ask, or explain that being together was what mattered.
Had I not experienced it with my own eyes, I would’ve never believed that an addiction to stuff could be broken that quickly. The truth is that when I took all their stuff away, I was terrified at what would happen. I worried that I was scarring them for life, depriving them of some essential developmental need, taking away their ability to self-entertain.
In reality, the opposite has happened. Instead of being bored, they seem to have no shortage of things to do. Their attention span is much longer and they are able to mindfully focus on their task at hand. They color or read for hours at a time and happily spend the entire afternoon playing hide & seek or pretend.
They are far more content, able to appreciate the blessings that they do have, and able to truly enjoy the moment they are in without always having to move on to the next thing. They are more creative and patient, more willing to share, far more empathetic towards the plight of others, and, with little to fight over, they hardly fight at all.
When I do take down a toy for them to play with (no, I didn’t throw everything away), such as their Lego blocks or dress-up clothes or or their kitchen food & dishes, that one thing will entertain them for the entire day. (The rest has more or less been forgotten and will soon make it’s way from the attic to the Goodwill pile.)
What I love even more is that they are able to recognize excess on their own. Aside from a favorite stuffed animal and the comforter on their bed, (which they both earned back), neither of them actually want their toys back on a permanent basis. They like not being overwhelmed by stuff and not having to spend so much time cleaning their room. In fact, later that very same day, as we drove to gymnastics class, Maggie said it’s okay that we don’t have any more toys Mommy. We can just read and use our imaginations. And now we won’t have to clean up every day. She understood before I did that more stuff doesn’t make us happier.
When I first became a mom I was so happy to have a chance to start over, to undo through my children all the wrong that was done to me, to give them everything I felt I had missed out on. I wanted our lives to be perfect, and my vision of perfection included a perfectly decorated bedroom filled with beautiful things, a life where they would want for nothing.
I equated giving them stuff with making them happy, a message that our consumer driven culture hammers into our psyches from the time we our born. Oh, what a lie!
I started this blog because I am a shopaholic, and there are so many times where I buy things when I am bored or unhappy, just to fill the void. My husband laughs at me (and sometimes throws up his hand in frustration) because although I talk a good game about wanting to downsize and get rid of stuff, in reality there are still many times where I just can’t help myself from buying more.
I justify it, telling myself it was on sale or a really good deal, or something we really needed, or that I deserve it because I work so hard. In reality it is just another thing I am trying to buy to solve a problem that runs much deeper.
Stuff isn’t evil in and of itself, but in a world where we are constantly told that what we have isn’t quite good enough, the love of things can so very easily consume us. It is the pursuit of it all–more toys, cuter clothes, a prettier house, a nicer car, a bigger computer, a fancier phone–that makes us forget all the things that actually matter.
It wasn’t until after observing first hand the real and immediate changes in my children after taking their toys away that I truly began to understand. And now instead of me teaching them, they have taught me the lesson I wish I would’ve have learned a long time ago.
For our family, there’s no turning back.
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You took away their comforter? The thing that keeps them warm at night? I don't see how a comforter in any way is 'too much.' Keeping your kids warm at night is kind of one the bare minimums you should be doing as a parent. Excessive toys? Yes, give them away - I'm in total agreement. Bed linens? uh, no.
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I WANT TO THANK GREAT DR ATAKPO FOR HELPING ME WITH MY LOST HUSBAND DEVIS HOLLYWOOD...
Dr Atakpo is like a father to the fatherless.. i never believed these will really make a change in my marriage, and i never have it in my thought that i could ever been with my husband Mr Devis after divorcing and ending our 33years marriage.... My life was upset i never knew where to start from when my husband broke up with me.....My name is Tanisha Devis from Poland but got married and live in Chicago USA, atakpotemble@yahoo.com is the right email address to contact for an urgent help in getting your lover back.... My husband and I have been together for 33years before he divorced me and i was so upset because i thought i have lost my marriage forever... i did all i could to please for my husband to bring me back home but all to be in vain.. i had to travel away from my state because i was not having anywhere to stay because my home was not conducive for me to stay because my husband want me out of th house, i travel to a friend of mine in California, one night, when i was searching on a good spell caster results that help in bringing back lost lover's and husband's, i found an interesting story that was shared by Santana Valdez From Texas Huston, about a good spell caster called Dr Atakpo,and how he helped her in getting her husban back home, and i decided to put a try in contacting him... he replied me back.. i thought at first these was just normal and he told me that i was going to get back my husband after a period of 28hours i still doubted him.... But today as i am sharing these good news is for me to express my experience to all the whole universe that these is a good spell caster that helps in bringing back lost lovers and he is (atakpotemble'yahoo.com) I am happily with my husband and my 3 kids, TARRY, WENDY, JEFF... great Atakpo i thank you for helping me to get my family back.... his email address is (atakpotemble@yahoo.com)
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I have a two-year-old and a three-month-old who share a very small bedroom and have been planning on doing a big purge for some time, but now I realize I need to just go in and do it. I am tired of picking up piles of toys that got only a moment's play. Limiting gifts for Christmas and birthdays is difficult but we have tried to only give our daughter things like puzzles and stickers and something I can make for her baby doll (cloth diapers, bibs, changing pad, etc). When I was a child, every Christmas my mom would give me and my sisters a shared box full of art and craft supplies. We were always so excited to open that box and find new paper, paints, pipe cleaners, and so on. My husband and I have talked about what we will be doing for Christmas this year and have decided to give our two year old an easel and a few art supplies and that's it. I know it is something she will be able to use for many years. For birthdays we plan to stick to the "something you want, something you need, something to wear, something to read" idea. Professionally, I am an early childhood teacher who has taught toddlers up to kindergarteners and the toys almost all the children have gravitated toward and repeatedly go back to are the ones that are open-ended. There were many opportunities for play with my old muffin tin and things I found around the house. Thank you for the encouragement and motivation to do good for my children and get rid of all the excess stuff.
i think you should do whatever works for you. nobody agreed with my decision to take my son out of public school last year. they knew he was missing between 50 and 75 percent of his work at the end of the year according to his report card. the school told me they were going to pass him because it wasn't in the budget to let him go to summer school and in sc they go by the no kid left behind rule. so they wouldn't fail him either. when i tool him out of public school everyone was worried about how he would socialize even though he played 3 sports, went to church, and went to the skating rink every weekend and surfed almost daily with people ranging from 5 years old to 63 years old. so in other words....people say it takes a village to raise a child and i have seen the village and i don't need their help nor their opinion.
I'm right there with you! There has been many a time I've almost done that exact same thing and still might even now! It's so hard to deal with this entitled attitude that a lot of our kids have today, even the kids who are raised better (like I try to do mine). I say good for you!
You are a danger to society.
If I was living in your country I would report you to proper authorities.
There must definitely be a law in your country about giving advice about matters that fall in the area of licensed professionals.
Everyone reading this should consider whether the writer has any qualifications in developmental psychology before following her instructions.
Kudos to you! Thank you for sharing such a valuable lesson and experience. I don't really have the time to write a very lengthy comment but all I can tell you is that you've inspired me! It's very encouraging to see that there is still people out there that can see, and have the courage to pursue what is really meaningful in life. America will be a much better country if there were more families like yours.
I just want to say thank you for this post. I myself have been struggling with too much stuff and not being satisfied with ALL that I do have. My husband gets frustrated with me and my daughter! This post was just what I needed to encourage me to make a change in our lives without fearing that I am completely ruining my child. I am going to start decluttering and simplifying today. You came along exactly when I needed you so keep on honey!