Do you ever get so fed up with all the toys lying around? This is the inside story of my drastic decision to take my kids’ toys away.
As some of you already know, I’ve been on a mission this year to simplify my family’s life and rid ourselves of excess. Over the course of the past nine months I have probably given away about 75 percent of my girls’ toys, keeping only the items that I felt encouraged their imagination and that they actually played with. I thought I was doing pretty good.
Even so, there were warning signs that my kids still had too much stuff. In June, we took a field trip to Reptile World in Orlando. Afterwards we decided it would be fun to take the girls to dinner at a dinosaur-themed restaurant called T-Rex in Downtown Disney. While we were waiting to be seated my oldest daughter Maggie spotted the Build-a-Dino Workshop in the gift shop and although we immediately said “no way,” from that moment on she could think of nothing else.
All through our delicious dinner, surrounded by dramatic (fake) meteor showers and animatronic dinosaurs, she fixated on the one thing she couldn’t have rather than the cool sights we were actually experiencing.
On the three hour drive home, Husband and I–seriously concerned by our daughter’s inability to enjoy the moment–made a point to talk about all the neat stuff we had seen, what our favorite reptiles were, and how funny Trouble had been holding the snake. By the time we made it home the Build-a-Dino had been forgotten. At least by her. But we were worried.
In the weeks that followed, Chuck and I talked a lot about how we were going to handle this lack of contentment we were noticing. Then one morning near the end of July, after telling my kids to clean their room for the umpteenth time, I made the somewhat impulsive–albeit pre-warned–decision to take away ALL their stuff.
Just 2 days earlier I had spent half the day cleaning their room & re-organizing their toys and closet, which is something I do fairly regularly. I wasn’t asking them to clean some giant out-of-control mess, just to pick up a few items off the floor and put them away in the very clearly labeled baskets. Every time I came back to check on them, they had not only NOT picked up, they had made an even bigger mess.
I finally gave up and took it all away. I wasn’t angry, just fed up. I calmly began packing up not just a toy or two, but every single thing. All their dress-up clothes, baby dolls, Polly Pockets, & stuffed animals, all their Barbies, building blocks, and toy trains, right down to the the furniture from their dollhouse and play food from their kitchen. I even took the pretty Pottery Barn Kids comforter from their bed. The girls watched me in stunned silence for a few minutes and then, when the shock wore off, they helped. And just like that, their room was clear.
I had no idea what a dramatic difference this one semi-impulsive decision would make in all our lives. I first started noticing a real change about 4 weeks later when we took a family trip to Key West.
In contrast to our last outing and for the first time ever, neither girl asked us to buy a single thing the entire weekend. Not a toy, not a cheesy souvenir, not a light-up necklace from a passing street vendor. Nothing. We passed hundreds of shops and they loved looking in the window, but they were content just to be. What was most amazing to me was that we didn’t talk to them about it ahead of time. Not once did we have to tell them not to ask, or explain that being together was what mattered.
Had I not experienced it with my own eyes, I would’ve never believed that an addiction to stuff could be broken that quickly. The truth is that when I took all their stuff away, I was terrified at what would happen. I worried that I was scarring them for life, depriving them of some essential developmental need, taking away their ability to self-entertain.
In reality, the opposite has happened. Instead of being bored, they seem to have no shortage of things to do. Their attention span is much longer and they are able to mindfully focus on their task at hand. They color or read for hours at a time and happily spend the entire afternoon playing hide & seek or pretend.
They are far more content, able to appreciate the blessings that they do have, and able to truly enjoy the moment they are in without always having to move on to the next thing. They are more creative and patient, more willing to share, far more empathetic towards the plight of others, and, with little to fight over, they hardly fight at all.
When I do take down a toy for them to play with (no, I didn’t throw everything away), such as their Lego blocks or dress-up clothes or or their kitchen food & dishes, that one thing will entertain them for the entire day. (The rest has more or less been forgotten and will soon make it’s way from the attic to the Goodwill pile.)
What I love even more is that they are able to recognize excess on their own. Aside from a favorite stuffed animal and the comforter on their bed, (which they both earned back), neither of them actually want their toys back on a permanent basis. They like not being overwhelmed by stuff and not having to spend so much time cleaning their room. In fact, later that very same day, as we drove to gymnastics class, Maggie said it’s okay that we don’t have any more toys Mommy. We can just read and use our imaginations. And now we won’t have to clean up every day. She understood before I did that more stuff doesn’t make us happier.
When I first became a mom I was so happy to have a chance to start over, to undo through my children all the wrong that was done to me, to give them everything I felt I had missed out on. I wanted our lives to be perfect, and my vision of perfection included a perfectly decorated bedroom filled with beautiful things, a life where they would want for nothing.
I equated giving them stuff with making them happy, a message that our consumer driven culture hammers into our psyches from the time we our born. Oh, what a lie!
I started this blog because I am a shopaholic, and there are so many times where I buy things when I am bored or unhappy, just to fill the void. My husband laughs at me (and sometimes throws up his hand in frustration) because although I talk a good game about wanting to downsize and get rid of stuff, in reality there are still many times where I just can’t help myself from buying more.
I justify it, telling myself it was on sale or a really good deal, or something we really needed, or that I deserve it because I work so hard. In reality it is just another thing I am trying to buy to solve a problem that runs much deeper.
Stuff isn’t evil in and of itself, but in a world where we are constantly told that what we have isn’t quite good enough, the love of things can so very easily consume us. It is the pursuit of it all–more toys, cuter clothes, a prettier house, a nicer car, a bigger computer, a fancier phone–that makes us forget all the things that actually matter.
It wasn’t until after observing first hand the real and immediate changes in my children after taking their toys away that I truly began to understand. And now instead of me teaching them, they have taught me the lesson I wish I would’ve have learned a long time ago.
For our family, there’s no turning back.
Have you heard the news? It’s the 12th Anniversary of our LWSL Holiday Planner! For…
LWSL & Co. Favorite 5 It seems crazy that it's fall already, but we can…
Lisa's Favorite 5 I'm a busy wife, mom, and gigi, so I'm all about finding…
Feeling like your finances are out of control can be downright scary. Don't miss these…
Amanda's Favorite 5 Do you spend so much time pouring into everyone else in your…
Danny's Favorite 5 Need some gift ideas for the Dads in your life? I've got…
Simplify your life in just 3 simple steps. Get our Living Well Starter Guide, absolutely free!
View Comments
Thank you so much for this post! I found this while searching for advice on simplifying and getting rid of toys. I have already seen a big difference in my 3 boys over the past 1-2 years as we have slowly reduced the toys. Now we are ready to jump in and super simplify! I really do not understand the people who had negative things to say, at all. It makes me feel ill thinking of all the excess we have in the US. Thank you for encouraging me to teach my children to live in a world where there is little value on things and much more value on people and experiences.
Just saw this, and had to comment...
My daughter, being an only child and only grandchild, has always had wayyyy too much stuff. I knew it, but kept putting off clearing it out because i didn't feel like dealing with the tantrums I was sure would result. Well, a few years back--I think my daughter was probably 10--we were getting ready to repaint her room, and I finally did it. I took EVERYTHING out, and boxed it up. Every single thing. I labeled the boxes so everything would be easy to find, and told my daughter that as she found she needed stuff, we'd unpack it and put it back in her room. Well, long story short, literally 90% of the boxed-up stuff was donated a few years later--we had kept it in the garage so she had access to it if she wanted it, so it was definitely her decision--she didn't WANT all the clutter!
Excellent post and very well said, thank you. Do not worry about the critics, a simple life for our children will help them to develop into better human beings, that is our wish as parents. I love your blog and I commend you for being brave and saying it like it is. Keep up the great work!
Hi! I am actually glad of this post. I, too, as a mother, have noticed my child's discontentment with what he has and it may be compounded by the fact that he is a 6.5 year-old only child. He would rather be in the living room with us just "being" than in his room with his toys. I actually reduced his number of toys by 50% awhile back and he hasn't missed anything. I plan to down-size more now that he is a first grader and is spending more time on academics and extra-curricular. I commend you. The fight over keeping a room clean is constant and infuriating. It drives a wedge between you and your child. They are, truly, overwhelmed. Its too much for their brains. My mother and father did the same thing limiting me to 1 or 2 toys at a time and then giving them back at the end of the day. I remember being quite content to play outdoors or read for hours on end. Thanks for having the courage to post this in a world where more, is better and children are deserving of whatever they feel they want. Cheers!
I love this! I would never ever get rid of ALL the toys, but would be very happy with the 'bare' essentials...the thing I get most afraid of is, how am I getting my $$ back from these things? I don't want to just donate them... I would be wasting all this money if I just donated them...I really think a yard sale would be extremely beneficial :) thanks for writing this and I wholeheartedly understand your point of view!
I don’t just know how to start am just short of word’s Due to the help of Dr ken,This Dr ken has brought back happiness into my life that i have lacked for year,My name is David Nancy am from the United State of America,Am just so happy today and today has been the happiest day of my life and this happiness has brought me joy and am so happy,Because Dr ken brought back my lover Scot into my arms without any delay,After my lover left me for good 2years,i was in deep pain and always thinking because i truly loved Scot,Until a faithful day listen to the radio due to tiredness,Then in which i had a lady shouting in happiness about the great thing Dr ken has done how Dr ken brought back her lover back into her arms within 36hours,when i had that goodness i decided in contacting Dr ken immediately,Because i was desperate in getting in touch with him,So i got in touch with him,Which then i told him my problem and he promised in bringing back Scot back to my arms within 24hours,And then when i had that Scot would be back to my arms within 24hours i was so happy and waiting to feel Scot,And really Scot came into my arms within 24hours,Begging me for forgiveness,i was so happy when i saw Scot now my lover is fully back to my arms due to the help of this great man Dr ken who has bought back happiness into our great country(USA)Please friend in need of help you don’t need to go far all you need to do is for you to kindly contact Dr ken for help,Because he his trustworthy and straight forward,You can contact(drakugbeapellhome@gmail.com.com) he said he can cast the following spell , such as, to bring back your love one,lost money,get rich,get go result,get good job,get good husband,build and buy a car. etc, just contact him and tell him what you need, i am so happy to advertise for him
My friend recommended this post and I agree -- I have seriously reduced the amount of toys we have in the house and I cannot believe what a difference it makes. The kids are so much more happy and get along so much better. Wow. Who would have guessed having LESS makes them get along better.
I understand what you went through with your kids completely. I often get frustrated with my kids for not picking up their toys. I would always threaten to take them away but never followed through until recently. My 5 year old was having a fit after practice and on our way home he decided to open the car door because I wouldn't go back for his water bottle. So needless to say he got all of his toys taken away as punishment. He now behaves so much better and has even more of an imagination. I feel like it was the best decision I have made. He has earned back a few things and takes care of them so much better. When we go to the store he asks to look at the toys but doesn't throw a fit about not being able to get one. I recommend trying it.
Love this post!
It's funny, I was just about to do something similar this Saturday. I looked around our front room and realized that my ONE daughter's toys were taking over our WHOLE space! When I saw that, I just started laughing and decided change is in order! And she can help - at 3.5 and starting preschool in 1 week, she's ready to help me on this!
Does anyone else just get overwhelmed by the amount of plastic in our homes? I sure do.
Parental boundary setting looks all sorts of ways, huh!
Good on ya', awesome lady - I'll be thinking of you while piling loads of plastic toys into boxes and huffing and puffing them down to the basement!
Honestly, I think that this was a great idea. I am 22 years old & as a kid my mom had to do this to me on more then one occasion. Sometimes you just get caught up in all the stuff. She wold do little things first, tell me to clean my room, then when i didnt she would scoop everything up into a basket off the floor & put it in the basement. It would happen again & again until everything was gone. Then it would all start to come back a little at a time, & we would start over. By bringing down just a few toys at a time for them, I think your actually making them appreciate things more and creating a much smaller mess for the kids and yourself by doing so. I am all for it. Great job!