Do you ever get so fed up with all the toys lying around? This is the inside story of my drastic decision to take my kids’ toys away.
As some of you already know, I’ve been on a mission this year to simplify my family’s life and rid ourselves of excess. Over the course of the past nine months I have probably given away about 75 percent of my girls’ toys, keeping only the items that I felt encouraged their imagination and that they actually played with. I thought I was doing pretty good.
Even so, there were warning signs that my kids still had too much stuff. In June, we took a field trip to Reptile World in Orlando. Afterwards we decided it would be fun to take the girls to dinner at a dinosaur-themed restaurant called T-Rex in Downtown Disney. While we were waiting to be seated my oldest daughter Maggie spotted the Build-a-Dino Workshop in the gift shop and although we immediately said “no way,” from that moment on she could think of nothing else.
All through our delicious dinner, surrounded by dramatic (fake) meteor showers and animatronic dinosaurs, she fixated on the one thing she couldn’t have rather than the cool sights we were actually experiencing.
On the three hour drive home, Husband and I–seriously concerned by our daughter’s inability to enjoy the moment–made a point to talk about all the neat stuff we had seen, what our favorite reptiles were, and how funny Trouble had been holding the snake. By the time we made it home the Build-a-Dino had been forgotten. At least by her. But we were worried.
In the weeks that followed, Chuck and I talked a lot about how we were going to handle this lack of contentment we were noticing. Then one morning near the end of July, after telling my kids to clean their room for the umpteenth time, I made the somewhat impulsive–albeit pre-warned–decision to take away ALL their stuff.
Just 2 days earlier I had spent half the day cleaning their room & re-organizing their toys and closet, which is something I do fairly regularly. I wasn’t asking them to clean some giant out-of-control mess, just to pick up a few items off the floor and put them away in the very clearly labeled baskets. Every time I came back to check on them, they had not only NOT picked up, they had made an even bigger mess.
I finally gave up and took it all away. I wasn’t angry, just fed up. I calmly began packing up not just a toy or two, but every single thing. All their dress-up clothes, baby dolls, Polly Pockets, & stuffed animals, all their Barbies, building blocks, and toy trains, right down to the the furniture from their dollhouse and play food from their kitchen. I even took the pretty Pottery Barn Kids comforter from their bed. The girls watched me in stunned silence for a few minutes and then, when the shock wore off, they helped. And just like that, their room was clear.
I had no idea what a dramatic difference this one semi-impulsive decision would make in all our lives. I first started noticing a real change about 4 weeks later when we took a family trip to Key West.
In contrast to our last outing and for the first time ever, neither girl asked us to buy a single thing the entire weekend. Not a toy, not a cheesy souvenir, not a light-up necklace from a passing street vendor. Nothing. We passed hundreds of shops and they loved looking in the window, but they were content just to be. What was most amazing to me was that we didn’t talk to them about it ahead of time. Not once did we have to tell them not to ask, or explain that being together was what mattered.
Had I not experienced it with my own eyes, I would’ve never believed that an addiction to stuff could be broken that quickly. The truth is that when I took all their stuff away, I was terrified at what would happen. I worried that I was scarring them for life, depriving them of some essential developmental need, taking away their ability to self-entertain.
In reality, the opposite has happened. Instead of being bored, they seem to have no shortage of things to do. Their attention span is much longer and they are able to mindfully focus on their task at hand. They color or read for hours at a time and happily spend the entire afternoon playing hide & seek or pretend.
They are far more content, able to appreciate the blessings that they do have, and able to truly enjoy the moment they are in without always having to move on to the next thing. They are more creative and patient, more willing to share, far more empathetic towards the plight of others, and, with little to fight over, they hardly fight at all.
When I do take down a toy for them to play with (no, I didn’t throw everything away), such as their Lego blocks or dress-up clothes or or their kitchen food & dishes, that one thing will entertain them for the entire day. (The rest has more or less been forgotten and will soon make it’s way from the attic to the Goodwill pile.)
What I love even more is that they are able to recognize excess on their own. Aside from a favorite stuffed animal and the comforter on their bed, (which they both earned back), neither of them actually want their toys back on a permanent basis. They like not being overwhelmed by stuff and not having to spend so much time cleaning their room. In fact, later that very same day, as we drove to gymnastics class, Maggie said it’s okay that we don’t have any more toys Mommy. We can just read and use our imaginations. And now we won’t have to clean up every day. She understood before I did that more stuff doesn’t make us happier.
When I first became a mom I was so happy to have a chance to start over, to undo through my children all the wrong that was done to me, to give them everything I felt I had missed out on. I wanted our lives to be perfect, and my vision of perfection included a perfectly decorated bedroom filled with beautiful things, a life where they would want for nothing.
I equated giving them stuff with making them happy, a message that our consumer driven culture hammers into our psyches from the time we our born. Oh, what a lie!
I started this blog because I am a shopaholic, and there are so many times where I buy things when I am bored or unhappy, just to fill the void. My husband laughs at me (and sometimes throws up his hand in frustration) because although I talk a good game about wanting to downsize and get rid of stuff, in reality there are still many times where I just can’t help myself from buying more.
I justify it, telling myself it was on sale or a really good deal, or something we really needed, or that I deserve it because I work so hard. In reality it is just another thing I am trying to buy to solve a problem that runs much deeper.
Stuff isn’t evil in and of itself, but in a world where we are constantly told that what we have isn’t quite good enough, the love of things can so very easily consume us. It is the pursuit of it all–more toys, cuter clothes, a prettier house, a nicer car, a bigger computer, a fancier phone–that makes us forget all the things that actually matter.
It wasn’t until after observing first hand the real and immediate changes in my children after taking their toys away that I truly began to understand. And now instead of me teaching them, they have taught me the lesson I wish I would’ve have learned a long time ago.
For our family, there’s no turning back.
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Learning to live with less is much needed, especially in today's world! I not only try to teach my kids this principle, but am still trying to keep myself from getting things I dont really need. I think what you did was great! I totally agree-just ignore the ones who don't! And you have to do what you think is best for your kids..after all, you know them best. To me they look totally joyful in their pictures. It looks like you are doing a great job! Keep it up and keep blogging and pinning b/c I just started following you on Pinterest. Thanks! Meg
Thank you!
This is the best, most amazing thing I have ever read. I can only imagine some of the harsher/judgemental comments you have receied were probably coming from moms who feel convicted and know this may be a problem in their home too but don't have the guts to do anything about it. When my kids are cranky/bored my first response is that they need more toys. SO unbiblical! I think our house is in need of a total clean sweep too. My kids are so discontent, and unwilling to share.
Thank you for sharing!
Well immediately after posting my previous comment about not being able to read the post, the page magically reloaded with the full post!!! I finally got to read it yay!!!
I have to say I stumbled onto your blog through Pinterest and your 31 spending freeze challenge (I'm on day #2 btw!), I decided I liked your writing style and poked around your blog and read your story of Amazing Grace and this one now. You are truly an inspiring woman! Your story had me in tears and I am so proud of you and awed by your journey!
This post like many of your other has made me want to get off my rear and take stock of my own life and reevaluate so of the things we do with our kids! Being bi-polar II (different form which involves much more depression and less manic mood shifts) it is hard for me at times to get control of my life and keep things from falling apart. Most days I wake up feeling cemented to my bed and if it weren't for my kids I would probably just stay there. I don't take any medications because when I tried them it turned me into a half functioning zombie incapable of concentrating on more than one thing, it became dangerous because my mommy spidey sense disappeared and if I was doing something like cooking or diving I couldn't pay attention to my kids, I'd burn dinners because while making veggies on the stove top I'd forget the main dish was in the oven below me! I went to a therapist (through a medical study for a new treatment) that taught me how to manage without meds and force myself to function. Even one weekend of sleeping in makes it hard for me to get back on track and staying up too late will turn into days with no sleep. So it is a challenge that honestly my kids are more than worth the struggle and the smile I put on my face before I trudge into their room at 6:30 am :)
We have a room full of toys that I'm tired of cleaning. They only play with a few of the things that they have and even those they have an over abundance of (Polly pockets, baby dolls, blocks and cars). I warned them last week that the next time I have to clean the toy room it will become my office instead and since they are not allowed toys in the bedrooms that meant they would loose their toys. I have taken toys away before by the trash bag full but guilt always wins and I end up returning them.
They day before we started our spend freeze I had bought 6 plastic bins ($2 each) I had planned to use for my garden next year, hubs who is much better than my 2 black thumbs informed me that these would not work for my intended purpose since they were a super clearance at an oddball store they are not returnable, guess what they are going to get used for now!
Since I keep an inventory of my pantry & freezer to start with I am going to skip that today and go attack the toy room! Luckily yesterday on my way home from an appointment I passed a house with their yard sale leftover and a big free sign and acquired the perfect size desk that I've been hunting for which is now randomly sitting in my living room so today it will find a home!
You are an awesome Mom!!! Don't let the nay Sayers get you down! No one knows better what works and is right for your children than their own parents. Its time for me to take that advice myself and stop making excuses and letting other make me feel guilty and second guess my choices. My boys both have ADHD (no meds for them either!) and they need less distraction and more quality family time! Thank you again!!!
Excellent article! We are linking to this particularly great article on our site.
Keep up the good writing.
Hi !
Thanks a lot for this article.
I don't have children, but I think I'm a shopaholic too, and your article made me feel good with the idea of throwing things. Or sell them, no mess !
I was wondering if you wouldn't mind me to translate your article in French ? I'm French, and I hope that what you say can be read in other languages. I can relay it on my own blog, and publicate it on Facebook too. Of course, I'll send you the translation to be published on your own blog !
Thanks for your answer !
Emilie :)
Wow I actually just now found this blog mainly in that strange part of the internet that you look for something click click click some more and wind up somewhere! I don't have children but will just start my (hopefully soon upcoming family) out with less I think if you start with less you won't have to take away !! If they don't know THEY won't care, Give what they need and spend more time rather than buy tons of
"stuff" IM GLAD I ran across this blog something certainly to implement while raising children.
In no way shape or form can you be judged for your article. Your experiment that became your reality was by your own admission a surprising success. Lets not forget the truth teller in the results! Your children who do not lie! You are a better person for having this experience and your children will benefit. I don't know you, I haven't followed your blogs. This is the first article I have read of yours. I'm particularly sad reading your update and having to justify yourself. Thank you for your article and the reminder in a truth that you were able to prove in the results of your actions.
Spot on with this write-up, I really assume this web site wants rather more consideration. I
KUDOS! KUDOS! KUDOS! I commend you for your efforts and sticking to your guns! I am actually in the process of decluttering my life and therefore my entire home and have just begun to tackle the toys. This post is inspiring....and I see absolutely NOTHING wrong with limiting toys and screen time!