Do you ever get so fed up with all the toys lying around? This is the inside story of my drastic decision to take my kids’ toys away.
As some of you already know, I’ve been on a mission this year to simplify my family’s life and rid ourselves of excess. Over the course of the past nine months I have probably given away about 75 percent of my girls’ toys, keeping only the items that I felt encouraged their imagination and that they actually played with. I thought I was doing pretty good.
Even so, there were warning signs that my kids still had too much stuff. In June, we took a field trip to Reptile World in Orlando. Afterwards we decided it would be fun to take the girls to dinner at a dinosaur-themed restaurant called T-Rex in Downtown Disney. While we were waiting to be seated my oldest daughter Maggie spotted the Build-a-Dino Workshop in the gift shop and although we immediately said “no way,” from that moment on she could think of nothing else.
All through our delicious dinner, surrounded by dramatic (fake) meteor showers and animatronic dinosaurs, she fixated on the one thing she couldn’t have rather than the cool sights we were actually experiencing.
On the three hour drive home, Husband and I–seriously concerned by our daughter’s inability to enjoy the moment–made a point to talk about all the neat stuff we had seen, what our favorite reptiles were, and how funny Trouble had been holding the snake. By the time we made it home the Build-a-Dino had been forgotten. At least by her. But we were worried.
In the weeks that followed, Chuck and I talked a lot about how we were going to handle this lack of contentment we were noticing. Then one morning near the end of July, after telling my kids to clean their room for the umpteenth time, I made the somewhat impulsive–albeit pre-warned–decision to take away ALL their stuff.
Just 2 days earlier I had spent half the day cleaning their room & re-organizing their toys and closet, which is something I do fairly regularly. I wasn’t asking them to clean some giant out-of-control mess, just to pick up a few items off the floor and put them away in the very clearly labeled baskets. Every time I came back to check on them, they had not only NOT picked up, they had made an even bigger mess.
I finally gave up and took it all away. I wasn’t angry, just fed up. I calmly began packing up not just a toy or two, but every single thing. All their dress-up clothes, baby dolls, Polly Pockets, & stuffed animals, all their Barbies, building blocks, and toy trains, right down to the the furniture from their dollhouse and play food from their kitchen. I even took the pretty Pottery Barn Kids comforter from their bed. The girls watched me in stunned silence for a few minutes and then, when the shock wore off, they helped. And just like that, their room was clear.
I had no idea what a dramatic difference this one semi-impulsive decision would make in all our lives. I first started noticing a real change about 4 weeks later when we took a family trip to Key West.
In contrast to our last outing and for the first time ever, neither girl asked us to buy a single thing the entire weekend. Not a toy, not a cheesy souvenir, not a light-up necklace from a passing street vendor. Nothing. We passed hundreds of shops and they loved looking in the window, but they were content just to be. What was most amazing to me was that we didn’t talk to them about it ahead of time. Not once did we have to tell them not to ask, or explain that being together was what mattered.
Had I not experienced it with my own eyes, I would’ve never believed that an addiction to stuff could be broken that quickly. The truth is that when I took all their stuff away, I was terrified at what would happen. I worried that I was scarring them for life, depriving them of some essential developmental need, taking away their ability to self-entertain.
In reality, the opposite has happened. Instead of being bored, they seem to have no shortage of things to do. Their attention span is much longer and they are able to mindfully focus on their task at hand. They color or read for hours at a time and happily spend the entire afternoon playing hide & seek or pretend.
They are far more content, able to appreciate the blessings that they do have, and able to truly enjoy the moment they are in without always having to move on to the next thing. They are more creative and patient, more willing to share, far more empathetic towards the plight of others, and, with little to fight over, they hardly fight at all.
When I do take down a toy for them to play with (no, I didn’t throw everything away), such as their Lego blocks or dress-up clothes or or their kitchen food & dishes, that one thing will entertain them for the entire day. (The rest has more or less been forgotten and will soon make it’s way from the attic to the Goodwill pile.)
What I love even more is that they are able to recognize excess on their own. Aside from a favorite stuffed animal and the comforter on their bed, (which they both earned back), neither of them actually want their toys back on a permanent basis. They like not being overwhelmed by stuff and not having to spend so much time cleaning their room. In fact, later that very same day, as we drove to gymnastics class, Maggie said it’s okay that we don’t have any more toys Mommy. We can just read and use our imaginations. And now we won’t have to clean up every day. She understood before I did that more stuff doesn’t make us happier.
When I first became a mom I was so happy to have a chance to start over, to undo through my children all the wrong that was done to me, to give them everything I felt I had missed out on. I wanted our lives to be perfect, and my vision of perfection included a perfectly decorated bedroom filled with beautiful things, a life where they would want for nothing.
I equated giving them stuff with making them happy, a message that our consumer driven culture hammers into our psyches from the time we our born. Oh, what a lie!
I started this blog because I am a shopaholic, and there are so many times where I buy things when I am bored or unhappy, just to fill the void. My husband laughs at me (and sometimes throws up his hand in frustration) because although I talk a good game about wanting to downsize and get rid of stuff, in reality there are still many times where I just can’t help myself from buying more.
I justify it, telling myself it was on sale or a really good deal, or something we really needed, or that I deserve it because I work so hard. In reality it is just another thing I am trying to buy to solve a problem that runs much deeper.
Stuff isn’t evil in and of itself, but in a world where we are constantly told that what we have isn’t quite good enough, the love of things can so very easily consume us. It is the pursuit of it all–more toys, cuter clothes, a prettier house, a nicer car, a bigger computer, a fancier phone–that makes us forget all the things that actually matter.
It wasn’t until after observing first hand the real and immediate changes in my children after taking their toys away that I truly began to understand. And now instead of me teaching them, they have taught me the lesson I wish I would’ve have learned a long time ago.
For our family, there’s no turning back.
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Ruth, Thanks so much for sharing your story with us. We have 5 kiddos, all very close in age, and I have often felt that they have too much. I have weeded their stuff over and over and it seems to multiply. I love your attitude of "less is more." I often tell my hubby that we need to just toss it all. I have just one question for you - and I am sincerely curious, not trying to be a smart alec or anything - how do you handle Christmas and birthdays? I always feel that we go overboard and every year we say we will do less, but fall prey to the stores. I would really love your advice on this as the "season to spend" is upon us. Thanks again for this post!! Gives me lots to think about!!
I LOVE this. I am just now reading this, and it really strikes a chord with me. We live in a tiny house, and there are always toys out. The toys are out of control...and we really don't have all that many, but I have been thinking along these lines. We homeschool, and these types of things tend to get in the way... the clean up alone gets in the way. SO, thank you for sharing your story.
So happy to read this blog. I did the same with my children. I told them they needed to learn to appreciate what they have. I wish my two would have learned as well as this lady's, but I am still working on them. :-) I've told them they aren't getting toys for Christmas. I have tried to teach them the value of money. My son, 8, gets a small allowance. He tithes, saves and gets to spend out of his $10 a month. This has actually been a success as he thinks hard before buying anything. He even saved b-day money and allowance to purchase a Wii game called Skylanders. I love my children but they can get overloaded with stuff.
good on you - we all have too much stuff. period. we need less attachment to the stuff and more attachment to each other.
I'm sorry but I feel that it is alright to take some of the toys away but not all. Play is an essential part of a child's cognitive and motor development and by denying them this I feel it is depriving them of the opportunity to further those skills. As defined by sociologist George Herbert Mead.
Did you read the whole thing? She didnt take ALL away...they have their dolls, doll clothes, books, art and craft supplies and legos for that reason ..NO kid NEEDS more than that!
I' am a new reader, sent from my love of Edies blog and Pinterest and Love love love all that you have to say. This post, and others like it here, about purging and minimalizing really speak to me. I love to shop, but I am constantly battling stuff and organization in my home. I am on a mission to save money, clean out and as I do and blog about it, I'll let you know how it's going:) thanks for being an inspiration and don't listen to the negatives...everyone has their own thing and maybe this just struck them way too hard. I work in an elementary school as a counselor and I see the consequences of overindulgence in children far too often. If more parents were like you, our younger generation would not be as spoiled and hard to entertain as they are! Thanks again!
WELL GOOD FOR YOU MY KIDS ABSOLUTELY APPRECIATE NOTHING! MY HOUSE LOOKS LIKE IT THREW UP WITH ALL THE JUNK THEY LEAVE ANYWHERE AND EVERYWHERE. TOYS DON'T MAKE A CHILD EVER NOTICE THEY'LL PLAY WITH MOSTLY NOT THE TOY THAT SITS IN A BAG IN THE GARAGE BUT RATHER COOK OR KITCHEN THINGS.
Doesn't work over here in Britain. Not one iota.
Kids want to play with toys, let them make their own mistakes, providing it's not lethal or sexually harmful.
When I first seen this I thought, wow, I can see how this would be an interesting test and how so many people would completely criticize for it. I haven't had to do this because well, My son basically does this to himself. We do this thing about every 6 months to a year called "keep it or give it away." Neither of my kids have toy boxes. only shelves where they store the things they like and some bins for the small stuff. We recently did this "game" again with my son and I want to say he just gave away about 80% of the toys he actually does have. His shelves look so bare. But in all reality even though it surprised me with some things because he loves his super heroes and he gave several away, he only kept the things that he currently plays with. a box of Legos, bin of dragons, bin of cars, some dress up stuff. We had to explain to him that some things could be left on the high shelves as just decoration. My daughter is two and this is the first time we have done this with her as well. I didn't expect it to go very well, but surprisingly she did ok. we had a whole laundry basket of items. but again they both done' have as many things as other kids I know. I know you may never get to reading this as you have so many posts, but I wanted to post anyway. I love that my kids only keep what they play with and are OK with giving away the other items to someone else. We have already talked to my son about informing the family next year that gifts need to be on the minimum and if they want to present something we would like for it to be towards tickets for our vacations (like our year passes to Disney). My son was ALL for it. Another thing I can say is that I notice my kids take care of that they do have and seem to appreciate the things they like to play with more then many other kids and I like to see that. they don't just break something and move on. I also read your update and am glad to see it is going well. I would love to have an attic to stick some items, but don't. we give anything they don't currently want away. Since we are in the country putting anything into the shed or barn would mean that it would not make it back in. Best of luck continuing your journey. :)
When I was 8-9 my parents took all the toys out of my room and it has effected me very much negatively. The reason I was so attached to my toys was the lack of attention. Now I am 16 and have purchased my old dollhouse I had as a child and regularly play with it. Taking your kids toys away doesn't work for everyone.