Do you ever get so fed up with all the toys lying around? This is the inside story of my drastic decision to take my kids’ toys away.
As some of you already know, I’ve been on a mission this year to simplify my family’s life and rid ourselves of excess. Over the course of the past nine months I have probably given away about 75 percent of my girls’ toys, keeping only the items that I felt encouraged their imagination and that they actually played with. I thought I was doing pretty good.
Even so, there were warning signs that my kids still had too much stuff. In June, we took a field trip to Reptile World in Orlando. Afterwards we decided it would be fun to take the girls to dinner at a dinosaur-themed restaurant called T-Rex in Downtown Disney. While we were waiting to be seated my oldest daughter Maggie spotted the Build-a-Dino Workshop in the gift shop and although we immediately said “no way,” from that moment on she could think of nothing else.
All through our delicious dinner, surrounded by dramatic (fake) meteor showers and animatronic dinosaurs, she fixated on the one thing she couldn’t have rather than the cool sights we were actually experiencing.
On the three hour drive home, Husband and I–seriously concerned by our daughter’s inability to enjoy the moment–made a point to talk about all the neat stuff we had seen, what our favorite reptiles were, and how funny Trouble had been holding the snake. By the time we made it home the Build-a-Dino had been forgotten. At least by her. But we were worried.
In the weeks that followed, Chuck and I talked a lot about how we were going to handle this lack of contentment we were noticing. Then one morning near the end of July, after telling my kids to clean their room for the umpteenth time, I made the somewhat impulsive–albeit pre-warned–decision to take away ALL their stuff.
Just 2 days earlier I had spent half the day cleaning their room & re-organizing their toys and closet, which is something I do fairly regularly. I wasn’t asking them to clean some giant out-of-control mess, just to pick up a few items off the floor and put them away in the very clearly labeled baskets. Every time I came back to check on them, they had not only NOT picked up, they had made an even bigger mess.
I finally gave up and took it all away. I wasn’t angry, just fed up. I calmly began packing up not just a toy or two, but every single thing. All their dress-up clothes, baby dolls, Polly Pockets, & stuffed animals, all their Barbies, building blocks, and toy trains, right down to the the furniture from their dollhouse and play food from their kitchen. I even took the pretty Pottery Barn Kids comforter from their bed. The girls watched me in stunned silence for a few minutes and then, when the shock wore off, they helped. And just like that, their room was clear.
I had no idea what a dramatic difference this one semi-impulsive decision would make in all our lives. I first started noticing a real change about 4 weeks later when we took a family trip to Key West.
In contrast to our last outing and for the first time ever, neither girl asked us to buy a single thing the entire weekend. Not a toy, not a cheesy souvenir, not a light-up necklace from a passing street vendor. Nothing. We passed hundreds of shops and they loved looking in the window, but they were content just to be. What was most amazing to me was that we didn’t talk to them about it ahead of time. Not once did we have to tell them not to ask, or explain that being together was what mattered.
Had I not experienced it with my own eyes, I would’ve never believed that an addiction to stuff could be broken that quickly. The truth is that when I took all their stuff away, I was terrified at what would happen. I worried that I was scarring them for life, depriving them of some essential developmental need, taking away their ability to self-entertain.
In reality, the opposite has happened. Instead of being bored, they seem to have no shortage of things to do. Their attention span is much longer and they are able to mindfully focus on their task at hand. They color or read for hours at a time and happily spend the entire afternoon playing hide & seek or pretend.
They are far more content, able to appreciate the blessings that they do have, and able to truly enjoy the moment they are in without always having to move on to the next thing. They are more creative and patient, more willing to share, far more empathetic towards the plight of others, and, with little to fight over, they hardly fight at all.
When I do take down a toy for them to play with (no, I didn’t throw everything away), such as their Lego blocks or dress-up clothes or or their kitchen food & dishes, that one thing will entertain them for the entire day. (The rest has more or less been forgotten and will soon make it’s way from the attic to the Goodwill pile.)
What I love even more is that they are able to recognize excess on their own. Aside from a favorite stuffed animal and the comforter on their bed, (which they both earned back), neither of them actually want their toys back on a permanent basis. They like not being overwhelmed by stuff and not having to spend so much time cleaning their room. In fact, later that very same day, as we drove to gymnastics class, Maggie said it’s okay that we don’t have any more toys Mommy. We can just read and use our imaginations. And now we won’t have to clean up every day. She understood before I did that more stuff doesn’t make us happier.
When I first became a mom I was so happy to have a chance to start over, to undo through my children all the wrong that was done to me, to give them everything I felt I had missed out on. I wanted our lives to be perfect, and my vision of perfection included a perfectly decorated bedroom filled with beautiful things, a life where they would want for nothing.
I equated giving them stuff with making them happy, a message that our consumer driven culture hammers into our psyches from the time we our born. Oh, what a lie!
I started this blog because I am a shopaholic, and there are so many times where I buy things when I am bored or unhappy, just to fill the void. My husband laughs at me (and sometimes throws up his hand in frustration) because although I talk a good game about wanting to downsize and get rid of stuff, in reality there are still many times where I just can’t help myself from buying more.
I justify it, telling myself it was on sale or a really good deal, or something we really needed, or that I deserve it because I work so hard. In reality it is just another thing I am trying to buy to solve a problem that runs much deeper.
Stuff isn’t evil in and of itself, but in a world where we are constantly told that what we have isn’t quite good enough, the love of things can so very easily consume us. It is the pursuit of it all–more toys, cuter clothes, a prettier house, a nicer car, a bigger computer, a fancier phone–that makes us forget all the things that actually matter.
It wasn’t until after observing first hand the real and immediate changes in my children after taking their toys away that I truly began to understand. And now instead of me teaching them, they have taught me the lesson I wish I would’ve have learned a long time ago.
For our family, there’s no turning back.
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I did it too! Thanks for thinking outside the box. I never do that.
http://thepumpkinpiepatch.blogspot.com/2014/01/i-did-it-i-took-my-girls-toys-away-too.html
I came across this article via a FB post today. This is the first time I have ever visited your blog, let alone ever commented on one. As I was reading, the only thought I had was 'you are absolutely brilliant'. As parents, we are pressured to feel that we are depriving our children if we don't keep buying them the latest and greatest. I completely identify with you that I wanted to un-do things from my childhood when I became a parent. While I am glad that they aren't deprived, they also have way more than is necessary.
I haven't read other comments and I am particularly curious as to what some of the negative feedback is. I wonder if it hit a nerve b/c people didn't like the answers to the questions it prompted them to ask??
After reading this article, I am definitely going to sit down and figure out where to start simplifying and how to maintain it. I've been married 17 years and we have three boys (one of whom is Autistic), ages 15, 13, and 4.
Kudos to your 'drastic' decision. I am now following your blog and lookimg forward to getting to know you through older posts and can't wait to read future ones.
I was just curious how old your kids are. I have a 3 yr old and a 1 yr old and I want to clear out a lot of their toys already but don't know at what age that would be good to do. My parents give minimally for the holidays due to so many grandkids but my in-laws go WAY overboard with the amount of toys and books. I know that means I need to do a purge soon to fit all the "new" things into their playroom but I'm very tired of the excess toys that don't get put back in their place. At the same time, they're still so young. What do you think?
LOVE, love, love this article!! One of my husbands daughters (mother to 3 boys, 3, 5 & 7) has been talking about doing this for a while now. I just shared this with her. It is so awesome that you took time to share this with others. The saying "less is more" is SO true, it saddens me to see so many parents keeping their children entertained for hours on end. Let them be kids. All I know is when we were young, we had hardly any 'toys'. We used our imagination and were never, ever bored. Sadly, with as entertained as children are kept today, we hear far too often, "I'm bored". Ironic, isn't it? Anyhow, thank you again for sharing your experience!! Helping families appreciate what is truly important. From a grateful grandparent.... :)
I love this idea and enjoyed reading your article. Any thought on how to make this work with young children? Older infants and young toddlers want to spend a lot of time with the adults in their lives and "toys" may be the only "break" the adults get to cook, clean, and so on. I can absolutely see this working with 3/4 year old and up just not sure how to impalement this with the 8 months to 3 years especially only children...any thoughts?
I confess I am that grandma who buys too much; I had my first eye opening at Christmas when I shopped for her, had a car full then helped the Salvation Army with their Christmas Elves program the following day. While my 12month old granddaughter had a boat load of gifts I was helping families load ONE BOX that contained ALL the toys for their children. It is hard for me but I bought mostly clothes this year. What I truly want for her life doesn't come packaged so I am vowing to turn it down!
We home schooled our two sons and always limited what we bought for them. Trips to Toy's R Us were a regular occurrence..we went on "looking visits"...they never cried or asked for anything, they had a good time..as if in a museum.....they'd go home and make something out of what they had. Our neighbors always commented on what good imaginations our sons had, and how creative they were. My oldest sons first job was in Toy's R Us...lol...I do not regret for a minute, ever, not buying them all the latest and greatest...
I LOVE this! My daughters are 24 and 23, while my son is 15. Instead of taking away their toys. As soon as they were old enough (TWO yrs old) to understand the Goodwill Box (a basket or box that sits under a chair, near the front door) we used it. We would dump the contents of the toy box and sort through it. Any broken toys that could not be fixed were put in the trash. The toys we kept went back in, others were given away to friends, a few were placed in keepsake chests with baby clothes, and the rests were placed in the Goodwill Box. "Mom, these shorts don't fit me" My response...put them in the GB! They continued to purge their own toys AND clothing every year before Christmas, birthdays, summer vacation and any random time they felt like it. If one started, the other two noticed and ran off to root thru their stuff. Yes, you read that correctly...I NEVER did the sorting....THEY did. Now they are mostly grown and still have the few treasured teddy bear or toys from their childhood and no clutter. It was as easy as potty training, they never knew any other way so it feels NORMAL to them! To this day, they purge their closets, let siblings have first dibs and ask that leftovers be given to Goodwill.
And that's the way things like that should be done. Arbitrarily deciding for them and not giving the kids any kind of choice in what stays or what goes only leads to grief in the long run. I'm all for getting rid of stuff that isn't used or people don't want to keep anymore, but the important thing is to heavily involve the kids in it and give them at least some choice in the matter.
THANK YOU!! Have you read simplicity parenting? It totally shifted my view on kids and toys. But YES I am totally with you on this. Looks like we have girls about the same age :)
Found you though simple mom. Great site!
I absolutely LOVE this!! But I'm curious. At what age were your girls when you did this?? I have two boys ages 2 and 6months and I'm thinking this would work for me once my youngest is old enough to understand what's going on. Then again if I start now he wouldn't have too because that would be all he knows. Hmm suggestions?