Do you ever get so fed up with all the toys lying around? This is the inside story of my drastic decision to take my kids’ toys away.
As some of you already know, I’ve been on a mission this year to simplify my family’s life and rid ourselves of excess. Over the course of the past nine months I have probably given away about 75 percent of my girls’ toys, keeping only the items that I felt encouraged their imagination and that they actually played with. I thought I was doing pretty good.
Even so, there were warning signs that my kids still had too much stuff. In June, we took a field trip to Reptile World in Orlando. Afterwards we decided it would be fun to take the girls to dinner at a dinosaur-themed restaurant called T-Rex in Downtown Disney. While we were waiting to be seated my oldest daughter Maggie spotted the Build-a-Dino Workshop in the gift shop and although we immediately said “no way,” from that moment on she could think of nothing else.
All through our delicious dinner, surrounded by dramatic (fake) meteor showers and animatronic dinosaurs, she fixated on the one thing she couldn’t have rather than the cool sights we were actually experiencing.
On the three hour drive home, Husband and I–seriously concerned by our daughter’s inability to enjoy the moment–made a point to talk about all the neat stuff we had seen, what our favorite reptiles were, and how funny Trouble had been holding the snake. By the time we made it home the Build-a-Dino had been forgotten. At least by her. But we were worried.
In the weeks that followed, Chuck and I talked a lot about how we were going to handle this lack of contentment we were noticing. Then one morning near the end of July, after telling my kids to clean their room for the umpteenth time, I made the somewhat impulsive–albeit pre-warned–decision to take away ALL their stuff.
Just 2 days earlier I had spent half the day cleaning their room & re-organizing their toys and closet, which is something I do fairly regularly. I wasn’t asking them to clean some giant out-of-control mess, just to pick up a few items off the floor and put them away in the very clearly labeled baskets. Every time I came back to check on them, they had not only NOT picked up, they had made an even bigger mess.
I finally gave up and took it all away. I wasn’t angry, just fed up. I calmly began packing up not just a toy or two, but every single thing. All their dress-up clothes, baby dolls, Polly Pockets, & stuffed animals, all their Barbies, building blocks, and toy trains, right down to the the furniture from their dollhouse and play food from their kitchen. I even took the pretty Pottery Barn Kids comforter from their bed. The girls watched me in stunned silence for a few minutes and then, when the shock wore off, they helped. And just like that, their room was clear.
I had no idea what a dramatic difference this one semi-impulsive decision would make in all our lives. I first started noticing a real change about 4 weeks later when we took a family trip to Key West.
In contrast to our last outing and for the first time ever, neither girl asked us to buy a single thing the entire weekend. Not a toy, not a cheesy souvenir, not a light-up necklace from a passing street vendor. Nothing. We passed hundreds of shops and they loved looking in the window, but they were content just to be. What was most amazing to me was that we didn’t talk to them about it ahead of time. Not once did we have to tell them not to ask, or explain that being together was what mattered.
Had I not experienced it with my own eyes, I would’ve never believed that an addiction to stuff could be broken that quickly. The truth is that when I took all their stuff away, I was terrified at what would happen. I worried that I was scarring them for life, depriving them of some essential developmental need, taking away their ability to self-entertain.
In reality, the opposite has happened. Instead of being bored, they seem to have no shortage of things to do. Their attention span is much longer and they are able to mindfully focus on their task at hand. They color or read for hours at a time and happily spend the entire afternoon playing hide & seek or pretend.
They are far more content, able to appreciate the blessings that they do have, and able to truly enjoy the moment they are in without always having to move on to the next thing. They are more creative and patient, more willing to share, far more empathetic towards the plight of others, and, with little to fight over, they hardly fight at all.
When I do take down a toy for them to play with (no, I didn’t throw everything away), such as their Lego blocks or dress-up clothes or or their kitchen food & dishes, that one thing will entertain them for the entire day. (The rest has more or less been forgotten and will soon make it’s way from the attic to the Goodwill pile.)
What I love even more is that they are able to recognize excess on their own. Aside from a favorite stuffed animal and the comforter on their bed, (which they both earned back), neither of them actually want their toys back on a permanent basis. They like not being overwhelmed by stuff and not having to spend so much time cleaning their room. In fact, later that very same day, as we drove to gymnastics class, Maggie said it’s okay that we don’t have any more toys Mommy. We can just read and use our imaginations. And now we won’t have to clean up every day. She understood before I did that more stuff doesn’t make us happier.
When I first became a mom I was so happy to have a chance to start over, to undo through my children all the wrong that was done to me, to give them everything I felt I had missed out on. I wanted our lives to be perfect, and my vision of perfection included a perfectly decorated bedroom filled with beautiful things, a life where they would want for nothing.
I equated giving them stuff with making them happy, a message that our consumer driven culture hammers into our psyches from the time we our born. Oh, what a lie!
I started this blog because I am a shopaholic, and there are so many times where I buy things when I am bored or unhappy, just to fill the void. My husband laughs at me (and sometimes throws up his hand in frustration) because although I talk a good game about wanting to downsize and get rid of stuff, in reality there are still many times where I just can’t help myself from buying more.
I justify it, telling myself it was on sale or a really good deal, or something we really needed, or that I deserve it because I work so hard. In reality it is just another thing I am trying to buy to solve a problem that runs much deeper.
Stuff isn’t evil in and of itself, but in a world where we are constantly told that what we have isn’t quite good enough, the love of things can so very easily consume us. It is the pursuit of it all–more toys, cuter clothes, a prettier house, a nicer car, a bigger computer, a fancier phone–that makes us forget all the things that actually matter.
It wasn’t until after observing first hand the real and immediate changes in my children after taking their toys away that I truly began to understand. And now instead of me teaching them, they have taught me the lesson I wish I would’ve have learned a long time ago.
For our family, there’s no turning back.
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Thoroughly enjoyed this! Thank you!
I got tired of telling my 8 & 9 yr old to pick up their toys & put them in their bins. 6 bins, a floor full of toys. They didn't need to be separated, just picked up & put in the bins. after 2 weeks of telling them to clean the toy room or I will throw it all away, they still had not done it. In fact they had lied about it to me. I asked them just after they came out of the room, did you pick everything up? Yes, ma'am, we did. I went in right behind them, opened the door, and stood amazed at the chaos. I didn't know if I was more upset at the mess or the lying. I turned around, and told them to go get the box of trashbags. Then I made them come in, and start filling up the trash bags. We stacked them up in their closet, since only 3 bags could go into our trashcans outside. But I threw out every single toy they had. I have since, limited the amount of toys they can have at any one time. Not only is their room cleaner, but, they actually play with the few toys they can have out. We now have the 1 in 1 out rule. If they get a new toy, they go thru their old ones, and either give it to a friend or we put it in the donate box for Goodwill.
I remember I didn't have that many toys as a kid, so I kept what few I had till they literally fell apart. When my kids had so many toys, they didn't appreciate them or play with them. They were always bored, with nothing to do. Now, they know that they have toys to play with, they aren't frustrated trying to find them, and it's much easier to clean up. I'd say that's good all around.
I think you were very courageous to make such a drastic parenting move. I agree with you, we are brainwashed to believe that we need stuff and that more stuff equals more happiness, when in reality stuff drains our energy. This blog post inspired me to get rid of needless stuff I've been hanging onto.. Thank you for this post. It takes a lot of guts to go against mainstream ideas because you believe in something.
I'm not really sure why anyone would have a problem with this post (I am not going to read all of the comments because there are just too many). I know this is a counter-cultural decision, but actually, I believe that is usually what it takes to raise men and women who will see after God as opposed to men. Sure, we can sit in our comfy churches and claim to love Jesus, but our minds are really on dinner, why so-and-so didn't make it to church, and how someone else dressed today. We justify these thoughts as in, "God wants us to have fun," and I believe He does, but not at the expense of loving things more than Him. If we were to all look at our lives honestly, I'm quite confident we could all find things we put in front of God.
My children have free-will, but I want to know that I led them in the right direction. I was just reading a blog post about moms who have children who are unsaved. My heart broke for them, but it was almost a place for them to "feel better" and that it wasn't "their fault." I don't know their lives...it could have been their fault. Maybe it wasn't. But I do know that I don't want my children to be in that boat, and I want to know I did all I could to show them Jesus and not toys. I really appreciate your stand at looking at your children's character and their hearts, and not just the situation or the action.
We, too, are downsizing....a lot. My children are young and so I know it won't be hard for them (just for me). But I believe it is the right thing. The happiest children I have found are the ones who have nothing, yet the lack nothing. The children who have everything are the ones who always need just one more thing.
I really liked this article...I have an almost 4 year old who I try to limit screen time with every day, it is a difficult thing but when done, it's amazing to see all the things a 24 hour day can be comprised of... she just started violin lessons so I have practice 15 minutes a day in 5 minute increments...I tell her too much tv will turn her brain into mush then she won't be able to do puzzles which she loves. I have a young brother who has an iv attached to him via video games and he'll be 20 in a couple of months, he can't get a job, unable to do much during the day due to spending hours on games...I also have a step daughter who is unable to carry on a conversation much like another post brought out and when she visits just has her faced glued to her phone and puts her 5/ month old baby in front of tv to calm her down... sad this society who uses technology to hide behind abd can't carry on a simple conversation with family and friends
My husband and I just sat down with our kids last night to discuss going through our stuff again to give to others and to make our lives more simple. I did my son's room first. He is five years old and I was surprised at how well he did at choosing what to give. I ended up having a trash bag of trash, one trash bag of random recyclable stuff, and two big bins of cars, trucks, clothes, and books to donate. We will tackle my right year old daughter's room tonight. Then the play room. Thank you so much for this post. I went back to read your story. Wow! Praise God! You will continue to bless others through your story! God Bless You!
Thank you so much for your kind words. Donating is a great lesson to teach the importance that giving is more important than receiving.
Have a blessed day!
I applaud you. 2 years ago my husband and I decided to stop throwing huge birthday parties because our children would get so much stuff and not appreciate any of it. I hated that friends and family would spend their hard earned money on gifts that the kids couldn't care less about a week later. Christmas has changed to 3 gifts that they really will play with..and we have done well so far, instead of a tree full of crap. They ARE MORE SATISFIED with a few things instead of tons. By buying constantly and giving tons of presents we are creating a sense of dissatisfaction and always wanting more than what they have...my youngest can only talk about what she doesn't have instead of what she has. We are cutting back, to give our children more.
Love this idea. I used to be a minimalist before I had kids. Then sort of like you I tried to give them everything. I am definitely considering doing this for my kids. Thank you for shareing your experience.
I love this post and see truth to it. Just last weekend I had the umpteenth conversation with my youngest to clean her room. This time I stated all toys left out by bedtime were going to be given away. She right there said "give them away, it is easier then cleaning". I did and she helped and we don't regret the purge of toys. She still has plenty of toys and might be going another purge soon, but she and I are much happier with less stuff. Less fighting and yelling about cleaning up.
I totally relate to what you did with your kids and I honour your strength to go against the consumer paradigm that is ruining the planet and our kids. We took away TV when our son was six. He was not happy about it, but after a couple of weeks he had changed and found books and drawing and making things out of the bits and pieces I collected for him to make things. It was hard as all the kids at school had TV video, games, motorbikes, and everything you could imagine,...we lived in a rich farming area....The first thing I noticed was that when we went shopping he didn't take any notice of all the junk that was advertised on TV and started to read the labels for me.....He was not interested in much of the games, toys and other things that were advertised on TV either, so he would request other interesting things. He told us later that he did n't like it growing up, he felt too different, but once he got to later adolescence and started to hear what his peers were talking about...it was mainly TV.... he was already onto philosophy and politics, and thinking about life, the universe and everything....he eventually thanked us. He is a great listener, as we would spend our evenings talking and playing games. He also listened to the news and current affairs and other radio shows. WE are very minimalist, we only have what we need and we buy it from teh best shop in town. ACtually shopping to me is like chinese water torture. I hate so many toys as they are made to break and I just see wasted earths resources in each and every one of them. Good for you....