Do you ever get so fed up with all the toys lying around? This is the inside story of my drastic decision to take my kids’ toys away.
As some of you already know, I’ve been on a mission this year to simplify my family’s life and rid ourselves of excess. Over the course of the past nine months I have probably given away about 75 percent of my girls’ toys, keeping only the items that I felt encouraged their imagination and that they actually played with. I thought I was doing pretty good.
Even so, there were warning signs that my kids still had too much stuff. In June, we took a field trip to Reptile World in Orlando. Afterwards we decided it would be fun to take the girls to dinner at a dinosaur-themed restaurant called T-Rex in Downtown Disney. While we were waiting to be seated my oldest daughter Maggie spotted the Build-a-Dino Workshop in the gift shop and although we immediately said “no way,” from that moment on she could think of nothing else.
All through our delicious dinner, surrounded by dramatic (fake) meteor showers and animatronic dinosaurs, she fixated on the one thing she couldn’t have rather than the cool sights we were actually experiencing.
On the three hour drive home, Husband and I–seriously concerned by our daughter’s inability to enjoy the moment–made a point to talk about all the neat stuff we had seen, what our favorite reptiles were, and how funny Trouble had been holding the snake. By the time we made it home the Build-a-Dino had been forgotten. At least by her. But we were worried.
In the weeks that followed, Chuck and I talked a lot about how we were going to handle this lack of contentment we were noticing. Then one morning near the end of July, after telling my kids to clean their room for the umpteenth time, I made the somewhat impulsive–albeit pre-warned–decision to take away ALL their stuff.
Just 2 days earlier I had spent half the day cleaning their room & re-organizing their toys and closet, which is something I do fairly regularly. I wasn’t asking them to clean some giant out-of-control mess, just to pick up a few items off the floor and put them away in the very clearly labeled baskets. Every time I came back to check on them, they had not only NOT picked up, they had made an even bigger mess.
I finally gave up and took it all away. I wasn’t angry, just fed up. I calmly began packing up not just a toy or two, but every single thing. All their dress-up clothes, baby dolls, Polly Pockets, & stuffed animals, all their Barbies, building blocks, and toy trains, right down to the the furniture from their dollhouse and play food from their kitchen. I even took the pretty Pottery Barn Kids comforter from their bed. The girls watched me in stunned silence for a few minutes and then, when the shock wore off, they helped. And just like that, their room was clear.
I had no idea what a dramatic difference this one semi-impulsive decision would make in all our lives. I first started noticing a real change about 4 weeks later when we took a family trip to Key West.
In contrast to our last outing and for the first time ever, neither girl asked us to buy a single thing the entire weekend. Not a toy, not a cheesy souvenir, not a light-up necklace from a passing street vendor. Nothing. We passed hundreds of shops and they loved looking in the window, but they were content just to be. What was most amazing to me was that we didn’t talk to them about it ahead of time. Not once did we have to tell them not to ask, or explain that being together was what mattered.
Had I not experienced it with my own eyes, I would’ve never believed that an addiction to stuff could be broken that quickly. The truth is that when I took all their stuff away, I was terrified at what would happen. I worried that I was scarring them for life, depriving them of some essential developmental need, taking away their ability to self-entertain.
In reality, the opposite has happened. Instead of being bored, they seem to have no shortage of things to do. Their attention span is much longer and they are able to mindfully focus on their task at hand. They color or read for hours at a time and happily spend the entire afternoon playing hide & seek or pretend.
They are far more content, able to appreciate the blessings that they do have, and able to truly enjoy the moment they are in without always having to move on to the next thing. They are more creative and patient, more willing to share, far more empathetic towards the plight of others, and, with little to fight over, they hardly fight at all.
When I do take down a toy for them to play with (no, I didn’t throw everything away), such as their Lego blocks or dress-up clothes or or their kitchen food & dishes, that one thing will entertain them for the entire day. (The rest has more or less been forgotten and will soon make it’s way from the attic to the Goodwill pile.)
What I love even more is that they are able to recognize excess on their own. Aside from a favorite stuffed animal and the comforter on their bed, (which they both earned back), neither of them actually want their toys back on a permanent basis. They like not being overwhelmed by stuff and not having to spend so much time cleaning their room. In fact, later that very same day, as we drove to gymnastics class, Maggie said it’s okay that we don’t have any more toys Mommy. We can just read and use our imaginations. And now we won’t have to clean up every day. She understood before I did that more stuff doesn’t make us happier.
When I first became a mom I was so happy to have a chance to start over, to undo through my children all the wrong that was done to me, to give them everything I felt I had missed out on. I wanted our lives to be perfect, and my vision of perfection included a perfectly decorated bedroom filled with beautiful things, a life where they would want for nothing.
I equated giving them stuff with making them happy, a message that our consumer driven culture hammers into our psyches from the time we our born. Oh, what a lie!
I started this blog because I am a shopaholic, and there are so many times where I buy things when I am bored or unhappy, just to fill the void. My husband laughs at me (and sometimes throws up his hand in frustration) because although I talk a good game about wanting to downsize and get rid of stuff, in reality there are still many times where I just can’t help myself from buying more.
I justify it, telling myself it was on sale or a really good deal, or something we really needed, or that I deserve it because I work so hard. In reality it is just another thing I am trying to buy to solve a problem that runs much deeper.
Stuff isn’t evil in and of itself, but in a world where we are constantly told that what we have isn’t quite good enough, the love of things can so very easily consume us. It is the pursuit of it all–more toys, cuter clothes, a prettier house, a nicer car, a bigger computer, a fancier phone–that makes us forget all the things that actually matter.
It wasn’t until after observing first hand the real and immediate changes in my children after taking their toys away that I truly began to understand. And now instead of me teaching them, they have taught me the lesson I wish I would’ve have learned a long time ago.
For our family, there’s no turning back.
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I read this post yesterday and thought to myself hhm I am defenetly doing this... and as I finished I did it right away, I took all of my boys toys away EVERYTHING now they only have their bikes and scooters. AND THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR THIS POST, before this my boys would fight every second over a toy! Its amazing, no matter how many times I told them to share and play nice, in soo many difrent ways it ne er helped... and today as their first day with out a single toy they played together, ran around laughing, they rode on their bikes, MY HOUSE WAS CLEAN for the first time, thank you thank you,... even my husband noticed and was in favor of this... my boys even helped me put their clothes away after doing laundry, they are 1 1/2 and 3 1/2 and they know so much, I dedicate my everyday life to them, and teaching them, I talk to them alot as well its just the sharing they dont want to accept ... but hopefully now I can somehow teach them now that I dont have to clean everysecond .. onceagain THANK YOU!
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The issue here is no matter what the intention of your decision was, this will have been a punishment to your children as they had previously experienced having toys and being bought treats to then hardly anything. I could understand if you had raised your children like this from day 1, but to suddenly make such a big change is concerning for the well being of your children?
im really sorry to insult you but your story made me so sad for your poor children :( it broke me to hear you took all your children's toys away from them, the sadness and confusion they must have felt .... I worked with a girl who once told me a similar story of her parents taking all her belongings away, she has serious psychological issues to this day due to the control her parents tried to have over her. I think the fact you say the second trip you took your daughter on she then asked for nothing shows blatant hopelessness and fear on her behalf! my son would be heartbroken if I suddenly removed his toys from his room, you are punishing them for your own needs? I hope you also limit yourself to the number of purchases you make, as it would be even more disturbing if you are buying yourself luxuries yet nothing for your poor children? the sad thing is people like you will always believe you are right and cannot be told any different as you are clearly suffering from psychological issues yourself, I am certain you are doing an amazing job at damaging your beautiful children, I hope taking there toys away was worth it!
I'm someone else you can add as a personal anecdote to similar circumstances. My mom did exactly the same thing the woman who wrote the article and the story you mention here did, it was never *all* of my toys or any of my siblings' but our mom would go through random tirades and throw a bunch of stuff into boxes and take it away, the only time we'd ever get too see any of it again is if we got lucky and mom forgot completely about it and we could go in and take it all back or she forgot why all that stuff was in a box and gave us the job of sorting through it and putting it away. It sure did breed a lot of hatred and resentment toward her, from me especially, and she's *still* extremely controlling though thankfully it's been *years* since her last episode where she'd go around stealing everything.
LOVE IT! you are amazing and STRONG. we have been TV free (except for earned, monitored Netflix shows) for nearly 5 years. NO video games, social networking, or even kindles. we return/re-gift those obnoxious, imagination-less gifts, they receive. our kids are NEVER "bored" they read, paint, build, and play with dirt, sticks, rocks, and their pets. it is AMAZING how the kids "with" the most, have the LEAST imagination... wish there was some place, others like me (which are VERY FEW, in "The OC" could network)...
I am thanful for this post today. Since taking and failing the 100 Thing challenge - although we made some intial progress - things quickly get unsinplified. I like the idea of getting the things we kept put up and out of the way.
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I stubled upon your blob looking for homemade recipes...and came to this...I love this blog...growing up...an only child! i never had too many toys...no barbie,no 'toy of the day', no game boys, ninetendo anything -we got a computer when i was in highschool and finally had cable when i had got a job in my 20's!! so i grew up 'bored' lol! but I was outside digging in the dirt, riding my bike, saving for trips and i have had the most fulfilling life thus far then any of my friends whose parents catered to all their whims...my mom and dad gave me what i needed and nothing more i thank them for that:)
my kids have toys...more then me:) but i get them from the thrift stores or Value Village and once they are bored of it...i re-donate for another child to enjoy. i dont' pay full price for any toy or gadget it's not worth it for the 3 days of amazment to be thrown in the toy chest.
my kids help with the purge and they love it! we love it...it cleans things up and they play with what's left behind.
i am due for another and have been putting in their minds to start thinking about what books/toys/clothes they want to donate so someone else can enjoy them :)
thank you for this...and we can change the mind set of the 'entitled generation' to enlightened :)