There are those times in life when the stars seem to align in your favor, when everything is flowing smoothly and all the pieces fit together nicely without really much effort at all. And then there are those other times, where every day feels like a struggle and you feel like you are barely holding it together and you’re pretty sure that if one more thing goes wrong you might fall apart completely.
It’s called a rough patch.
Whether it be in your career, your marriage, or your faith, it can hit you like a ton of bricks and make you feel like nothing will ever be okay ever again.
But it will. Trust me, it will. Eventually.
I don’t talk about it very often, especially not on this blog, but in my early twenties I went through a long and terrible depression. It literally almost killed me. I attempted suicide multiple times, of which the worst one landed me in a coma on life support with less than a 10% chance of ever waking up.
During that nearly three year period of hospitals and anti-depressants and even electroshock therapy, I lost almost everything–friends, family, my then marriage, my faith–and found myself utterly and completely without hope. I had to drop out of college and file for bankruptcy. Things were about as bad as they could get.
But eventually, slowly, things started to get better. And then one day I realized I was actually fine.
In the ten plus years since, my life has certainly not been perfect. I’ve made plenty of mistakes and I’ve stumbled along the way. I’ve gone through plenty of rough patches and stressful times but I’ve never even come close to that level of dispair.
Over the years there are a few things I’ve come to realize:
It has taken a long time to be able to say that. I didn’t wake up from that coma with a sudden epiphany; instead, I was nothing short of angry that I hadn’t succeeded.
It didn’t hit me until years later that there is no way I should have survived, much less without any sort of permanent brain damage. It was nothing short of a miracle.
Every day–even a bad one–is a gift. God spared me for a reason that day, and while I may not have it all figured out yet, I know there is a higher purpose.
Through the dark cloud of depression, I honestly couldn’t see how anything could ever be okay ever again. I wanted to die because I had no hope. I was completely blind to the possibility of an alternate reality.
The benefit of having knowingly hit rock bottom is that I now know with every certainty, with every fiber of my being, that no matter how bad things get, they will eventually get better. I think sometimes it probably makes me annoyingly upbeat.
It’s all a matter of perspective. When you are bogged down in the midst of a problem, it can be almost impossible to objectively see that a.) what you’re going through isn’t permanent and b.) there is a solution, even if you haven’t found it yet.
Every rough patch will end eventually. Cling to the knowledge that things will get better.
Everyone makes mistakes or bad decisions. Some of them are really bad. But they don’t have to define you forever. If you don’t like the way things are going, make a change.
Eight months into my first year of law school I came to the stark realization that not only did I really despise law school, I had absolutely no desire to be a lawyer. I was miserable, but I didn’t know how to fix it.
And then my husband Chuck said something that changed my life. He said, “You know you don’t have to go to law school if you don’t want to. If you don’t like it, quit.”
It was a revelation. Especially considering that it was coming from a guy who had quit his job, moved cross country, and bought a house in order to be closer to me for what he thought was going to be the next 3 years. Until that moment, the thought of giving up on something I had worked so hard for (not to mention already invested a lot of money into) wasn’t even in my realm of comprehension.
I quit law school the very next day and have never once regretted that decision.
And from that experience I learned an important truth: it is never too late to change the path you are on. Yes, you may be stuck paying off your student loans for years to come–every decision comes with it’s own set of consequences–but you do have the power to make things different.
* * *
Here in the Soukup household, life has been a little stressful lately. I guess I wrote this post as a reminder to myself that even when the going gets rough, we will be okay. Eventually.
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Thank you so much for sharing your story! It helps to put things in perspective for a lot of us, and provides some of the only relatable, non-annoying encouragement that I've heard given to those struggling with depression. Your bravery is very much appreciated!
Ruth,
I can completely relate to that. I recently have gone through almost that exact same scenario with my work. I absolutely HATED life. Now, I have no job (well, except for my blog of course), dealing with the anxiety of a 'different' childhood, divorce and my $100k in debt is absolutely terrifying me.
Oddly enough, I'm happier than I have ever been! Knowing that you have gone through a eerily similar circumstances and you came out on top, it is helping me get through this.
Please know that you are WITHOUT A DOUBT an instrument that God has definitely used (and continues to use) in my life. Your story gave me hope in a seemingly hopeless situation.
having a rough day myself and this popped up in my Facebook news feed! God knew this was just what I needed to read! Thx!
I finished reading your latest post on your experience with depression. I'm glad you did survive that last suicide attempt. I wasn't out that long, but I too was angry when I woke up, found myself tied down so I couldn't pull the respirator out. Something inside of me was fighting to let me die and the drs dealt with that. Five days later I was released with 5 names on a piece of paper of psychiatrists.The 1 name I picked was the only woman on that list. She knew from our 1st visit what the problem was. Of course I denied what she asked me and left. I did go bad to that kind woman who knew from day one, the problem. She sent me later on in the right direction to those many thearptist who never really got me to admit to knowing what I knew that they already knew. I took their pills and my husband and I, our children, put the matter behind us. No more of that I thought. I was 29 and 30 wasn't going to be filled with my medical bills. After my sons grew up and went on with their lives,I found out at 44yrs old I was retired. Not good, I went back to school and I was starting to be trained in medical insurance billing. I did well but something wasn't right. My days were dark, I stopped functioning, I knew that I had to get help because everything was falling apart! I found a yg thearptist who didn't push me, just let me talk about whatever. Finally I had to set myself free from all the deepest wounds that I could never say out loud! There was many repercussions from me telling of the sexual abuse, but it had to be told.Yes, I lost many family members who I had loved all my life and for a time I even lost myself, again. I did weather it with my husband and sons at my side encouraging me along the way. Now I turned sixty this year, that is behind me. But as you put it I still have those rough days but now I have the tools to empower me to fight thru the moment and move on. I have to much to be grateful for. I have 3 grandchildren now. I wouldn't had this if it haven't been for the deturnation of that first psychiatrist, I was able to thank her before she died.
I'm in the space you were in. I do not know how to turn it around. I was assaulted at work. It's been three years and I'm so afraid. I did that work for 17 years. I've been depressed but never had aniexty & panic attacks. I want out ! In my twenties I was lost but not like now. Everyone see a intelligent well spoken person. But I am a mess! Don't want to leave home. I just want to scream I need help!!!! I've ask for help but no one is listening. I don't want to die but I want my life back!!!!
Hey, thanks.
I think I needed to hear something from an outside party. I'm the type that never asks for help, even though I know that I need it. Read your story and it made a lot of sense to me. Glad it was here. Some of us just need a little bit of reassurance on occasion even if it's vicarious through another's story on the Internet. Things aren't awful, awful, but I think I needed a pep talk. I do understand there's more that have a situation much more dire than mine.. Just need to clear my head, I suppose.
Kind regards,
Ethan
Thank you.
Rough patch has been 8 months long, and culminated in the death of my mom.
I am working out estate, money and family stuff all at once, and some days, it feels like I am drowning. This reminds me that I'm not alone, and that it will work out in the end.
Hugs!
Ruth, I too just stumbled on your website. It reads as if were written just for me--just the words of encouragement that I needed today. God Bless & Thank you.
I cannot even express how much your blog means to me. I graduated from law school in 2008 and knew early into it that I hated it, but I pushed through. I decided not to take the bar because I didn't want to spend another cent on doing something I hated. I still don't know what to do with my life and battle depression everyday, but your words are reaching me more than any counselor's ever has. Thank you.
Thank you.