Categories: Homeschool

And Then I Realized I Was Doing It All Wrong: Lessons in Homeschooling

Last spring, as I prepared to take on this crazy adventure called homeschooling, I read countless books and articles and websites, most of them helpful, a few of them scary, but almost all containing phrases like this:

Every homeschool family is unique. 

You’ll start out doing one thing and end up someplace completely different. 

You won’t know what works until you start. 

What works for other families won’t necessarily work for you.

Or something to that effect.

Blah. Blah. Blah.

It wasn’t that I didn’t believe the books or even that I thought I had it all figured out. But after reading extensively about all the different methods of homeschool I felt certain that I was, at the very least, committed to the idea of a Classical Education for my kids.

It just seemed to fit everything I believed in, and besides, nearly all the homeschool moms I knew were taking a Classical approach. I had been stalking reading Edie’s homeschool posts for years and was always so inspired by everything she had to say, by the amazing education she was giving to her girls.

So I dutifully read The Well Trained Mind about 47 times, highlighting and re-reading and shouting “YES!,” and then eagerly ordered most of the recommended books for first grade. I was excited to start and we jumped in with both feet, and for the first couple of months, it was okay. I spent a lot of time preparing for our lessons and could inject my own creativity and passion into the curriculum even though I often found it somewhat dry and repetitive.

But then in the fall, as work obligations piled up and then I took on our 31 Days of Living Well & Spending Zero project, I suddenly found myself stretched a little thin. It was all I could do just to squeeze school into our day at all, much less make it fun. It started to become a chore. It was so boring! And if I was bored, I knew my kids were bored too.

I hated that I was boring them, hated that it was a chore. I hated that I couldn’t seem to figure out how to teach 2 different ages at the same time, and that we spent more time fighting then learning. I hated that everyone else was getting the best of me and all my kids got was this crazy stressed out Task Master.

But I didn’t know what to do or how to change. I had spent all this money on all these books and I felt stuck and scared. And honestly, I felt like a failure. Why couldn’t I be more like Edie? Was I not cut out for this?

One evening, desperate and in tears, I picked up my Kindle and did a search for homeschooling books. I don’t know what I was looking for, exactly, I think mostly I just wanted to find some hope. I stumbled across a helpful-sounding book called Homeschooling for the Rest of Us and one click later (gotta love that Kindle instant gratification), as I read words of comfort and validation that I so needed to hear, I was soon crying tears of joy.

And then the very next day Edie wrote this post about why she almost gave up homeschooling and suddenly, after realizing things weren’t all sunshine and roses for her either, I had an Epiphany:  I was doing it ALL WRONG. I was trying to juggle all these different balls called “school” and “home” and “work” and “mom,” not realizing that they are in fact the same ball. I work from home. I school from home. This is where we live. This is what we do. This is our life now. School is who we are.

My most important job–especially at this stage of their life–is to be my kids’ mom first and everything else second. To raise them to be confident and loving and inquisitive and passionate and spiritual, to have good manners and to build strong relationships. And, to quote my dear wise friend, “The curriculum is there to inspire ME so that I can inspire them.”

I read that line and realized I wasn’t inspired, I was bored. The fact is that I prefer the practical to the cerebral. I would rather read a book about organizing than one about The Odyssey. I also realized was that the reason Edie inspires me so much is because she is truly passionate about what she does. It works for her. Because she would most definitely pick the Odyssey. And that is okay. I can be inspired by her without being her.

Isn’t that true of so much in life?

Judge me if you must, but I revolted.

The girls and I abandoned our rigorous and systematic approach, we eased off our hectic schedule, I stopped trying to teach them separately, and we simply began enjoying our time together.

I focused on sharing with them the things I was passionate about. Rather than trying to separate our “school time” from my “home time,” I just started including them in whatever I was doing, whether it was cooking or cleaning or crafting. And then, after lunch each day, we retreated to their cozy bed where we would cuddle up together reading aloud favorite books from my own childhood like Charlotte’s Web and The Hundred Dresses and Ramona and the Little House series.

I’m not sure what that approach could even be called. The Slacker Mom’s Guide to Homeschooling I suppose, although in my defense I did create a home-school planner to help me at least feel like we were accomplishing something. And while there will probably always be a small part of me that feels a twinge of doubt–what would parenting be without a little self doubt after all–I realize now that the best thing I can do for my kids’ education is to give them ALL of me.

That is no small feat. All is a LOT, which means in order for that to be sustainable for any length of time, I have to be passionate and enthusiastic and excited about what we are learning. I have to WANT to do it every day–not only in theory, but in practice–or I will burn out. They will burn out. We will fail.

With that in mind, I was ready this month, after a few months of our free-for-all homeschooling approach, to try something slightly more structured. But only slightly. Knowing better what works (and doesn’t work) for our personalities, I began re-researching the different homeschool methods and curriculum.

I ultimately settled on a Unit Study approach, and although in the future we will quite possibly be using a curriculum called KONOS, for the forseeable future–probably at least the next 6 months to a year–we are using a unit study called The Prairie Primer to delve headfirst into the pioneer world of the Little House series, which has already captivated us.

The Prairie Primer–which was recommended to me by another homeschool mom and which has incredible reviews–looks amazing so far. It is very clearly laid out, which I love, and incorporates all the different subjects (except math) into the study. We have just been getting started this week, but we will be doing many of the activities we read about, like making butter and corn cob dolls and learning to sew and embroider, as well as studying various animals and things like how to grow crops and how maple syrup is made. It is really interesting, and it is fun! Not just for them, but for me!

To stay organized and keep better track of what we are doing, I expanded my  homeschool planner to include student goals, a quarterly outline, and a weekly game plan. I made it myself because I couldn’t find a homeschool planner that also included LIFE, and if you are looking for a way to plan your homeschool days, you are welcome to try it–just keep in mind that all homeschool families are unique and what works for me might not necessarily work for you! 🙂

Eight months in, we are still just beginning our homeschool adventure. And who knows, eight months from now I may have a whole new perspective about it all. For now all I can do is take each day as it comes and simply pray for the grace and wisdom to give my kids the best education–and life–that I can.

Ruth Soukup

Ruth Soukup is dedicated to helping people everywhere create a life they love by follwing their dreams and achieving their biggest goals. She is the host of the wildly popular Do It Scared podcast, as well as the founder of Living Well Spending Less® and Elite Blog Academy®. She is also the New York Times bestselling author of six books, including Do It Scared®: Finding the Courage to Face Your Fears, Overcome Obstacles, and Create a Life You Love, which was the inspiration for this book. She lives in Florida with her husband Chuck, and 2 daughters Maggie & Annie.

View Comments

  • Thank you so much for sharing your Homeschool Planner. I have been trying to juggle all the work/mom/school balls and it's been an exhausting mess. I love the way you set that up and I feel like I can easily put our top priority activities and assignments in there and stay on track. I'm super excited about the Prairie Primer too! I think that will be a lot of fun for my daughter and I to do together.

  • I am currently in the planning mode of homeschooling. Both of my children are currently in the public school system and we plan on homeschooling this next school year. I have stumbled across the Little House Unit too and haven't looked into it yet. My state is not very strict but does require 180 days, 4 1/2 hours a day and the basic subjects, math, reading, language arts, science, and social studies. I know you said the unit doesn't involve math, but does it hit on all the other subjects? My biggest fear in all of this homeschooling madness is, am I doing enough? Are they learning enough? When it comes time for them to do their standardized testing, will they do great? I am so anxiety stricken and I guess overwhelmed.

  • Magnificent web site. Plenty of helpful info here. I am sending it to a few buddies ans also sharing in delicious. And of course, thanks in your sweat!

  • Thank you so much for this!! I have recently changed our book learning over to a computer based and have felt such guilt and defeat over it. Even though my son is more excited about learning and soaking everything up like a sponge! This post was a breath of fresh air. Think i’ll give myself a little grace. :)

  • Hi I am a mom of 6 I work and I go to school. I have 3 daughters ages 13, 11, 10 .They are dyslexic. We have a real take it easy attitude towards life. But they all have a large vocabulary and the willingness to learn. I am confused on what route I should take. Eclectic is what I read that sounds more like us. Can you all please give me some insight of other avenues or what might suit us.

  • I stumbled across this on Pinterest while trying to figure out how to even start homeschooling with my almost 4 year old. We tried a “structured” approach a few months ago but life happened and she’s 3 lol so that went belly up real quick. This post right here just made my brain click. Thank you so much! I needed this!

  • You would love a Thomas Jefferson Education! It goes so well with what you're already doing. Our home is thriving with it!

  • Is your daily homeschool planner no longer available? None of the links are working for me. :(

  • nice post. I like it. Thanks for sharing..........

  • Thank you, thank you, thank you! This is our first year homeschooling and I did EXACTLY what you did and encountered the SAME thing with my kids. They would buck me and complain that it was boring. Thankfully, I knew enough to back off. Lately I had been feeling guilty about not having a routine or more structure even though we are technically still in the "de-schooling" stage and it has only been less than two months since I quit my job to stay home with my boys and homeschool. Having worked all of my adult life, I'm not used to being home every day, especially with them (between jobs, my kids were still in school) so I feel clueless on how to establish a daily routine. Reading your post helped me give myself permission to continue what we doing and just relax and spend time with my kids. Thank you!

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