I’ve been feeling a little down on myself lately. I’d like to think I’m a pretty positive person in general, but every once in a while I will be overcome by feelings of inadequacy. I start comparing myself to others and nitpicking all of my own flaws and suddenly the list of all the things I should be doing but am not seems insurmountable, and all I really want to do is abandon my responsibilities, crawl into bed, pull the covers over my head, and have a good long cry. All by myself.
I love writing this blog but at times like this I have a hard time coming up with the right words to say. True or not, I sometimes feel like there is an ongoing expectation for me to be continually positive and upbeat, a source of “inspiration,” funny and light-hearted and witty. And much of the time I am. But the last thing I want to be is inauthentic and sometimes I am none of those things. Sometimes I am just a girl struggling to make it through the day.
My sweet friend, who is far wiser than me, responded with something so profound it has been stuck in my head ever since. She said, “Don’t you know that everyone gets the same 24 hours?” She went on to explain that while from the outside looking in, all might seem perfect, no one can do everything all the time without letting something slide. Just because we don’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not true. And it doesn’t make her any less of a wonderful person (because she is), it just makes her human.
I have been thinking about that statement a lot, and as I sit here struggling with my own insecurity, I realize that it may seem ironic to those of you looking in on me. Occasionally I’ll get an email or a comment telling me that I am an inspiration, or wondering how I manage to accomplish “so much.” It always makes me uncomfortable. Oh if you only knew all the ways in which I fail every single day!
I have the luxury of an edit button. I can show you a small sliver of my life, something I’ve done well, and quietly filter out the rest. It doesn’t mean what I’m showing you isn’t real, but it’s not always the whole picture, and I would hate to think I’ve made anyone feel inadequate by letting you see only the very best of me.
One of my favorite quotes is by Plato:
“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”
The truth is that most of the time we probably have no idea what our friends and acquaintances are struggling with behind closed doors. Ultimately we all edit the version of ourselves we present to the world to varying degrees, not out of a desire to be fake or someone we are not, but I think, perhaps, because we truly want to see ourselves as the person we present to others.
Perhaps we should make an agreement to stop comparing ourselves to each other when ultimately there is only One who we should strive to emulate. All we can do is all we can do, and at the end of the day, it is only grace that carries us through. Why waste any portion of those precious hours in self-doubt?
Everyone gets the same 24 hours. Today I just needed to remind myself.
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You wrote this blog for me! Today was a super overwhelming day for me and I felt like an terrible, inadequate mother. I ended up taking a nap hoping that it would help, but I ended up crying shortly after the nap anyway! This post is just another reminder, Grace is all we need! Thank you!!
Wow! I had to take a moment to let you know that this post really touched me. I recently started a blog and while I have received lots of personal messages of inspiration, but I am not where I want to be and have a lot of work ahead of me. Unfortunately that also means that I am slipping in other areas. I started my blog to motivate other moms to be the best version of themselves, mostly because of my past. I lived a "fake" life for a large part of my life because I did not want to let anyone know about my childhood. I appeared to "have it all together", but that was far from reality. I try to be as positive as possible, but have recently realized that it is just as important to share the struggles that we are going through. I am who I am today, not because of all the "good" that has happened in my life. Rather, I am who I am because of the struggles I have had to endure. Thanks for sharing!
It's nice to know that I am not the only one who feels this way at times. Right now, there have been some HUGE changes in my life. While I may not be comparing myself to others at this time, I feel like these changes are making it hard to function and find motivation. "...at times like this I have a hard time coming up with the right words to say." This right here is exactly where I am at with my blog right now. It's amazing how stress can dominate so much of our happiness and life, isn't it?
I think we all critisize our selves. Why? I don't know. Why do we feel that we have to be perfect. I didn't feel this much pressure before I moved here. I was happy go lucky, maybe too unaware of how I was supposed to be. when the children were school age was the worst. Closer friends moved and I was ended up with "school Moms" as friends. Not close friends. I get the " forgetting it was picture day" , snack day, gym day..........NO Sneakers!.................AGAIN. : 0 Then you have the teachers telling you, or feeling like they're reprimanding you about you, a full grown woman, being forgetful, the fact that you still didn't manage to sign and send back the signed slip for a class trip, or a homework assignment. Or when the Moms are all standing around waiting for pick up time after school, and someone mentions how Oh yea, your daughter is the one that took her peanut butter and jelly sandwich apart and licked the jelly off. Or eats an ice cream sandwich the same way.
Neighbor children playing here left the gate unlatched, and the dogs got out, many times. Looking back I should've not let them back to play after the second time. Or put a chain lock on the gate. I forgot to pay the light bill, that got shut off. I got my Holiday decorations up late, so I wanted to enjoy them, for weeks more. I went to pick my daughter up at her friends house, ( not a friendly Mother) when she mentioned "Don't you think it's time to take the decorations down". What a hurtful thing to say. I wonder why I'm always feeling less than normal. I try very hard, but people don't notice. the only ones that do are at work. But I love God, my kids, my Husband and my new Granddson and my animals! and I do what's best for them. that's all I can do.
You're a real person and the way you encourage us, and still let us know about frustrating things in your day, makes you like a real friend. I think you feel comfortable enough with all of us that we seem like an old friend that doesn't judge, and that's good. We need someone to tell everything to, someone that doesn't judge us. we need someone that we can tell the good and the not so good. Plus, some of your blogs are FUNNY, no wonder you want to share them with us, We need the laughter. You're funny, creative, and real, and sympathetic.
Couldn't have said it better myself, Nanci! You have kind of brought up another point. I feel like most of this is responsibility is placed on the woman of the house. While I highly appreciate the things my man does for me, I feel like it is my job to keep everything organized and control the "upkeep" of the house, for lack of a better word. Back to your original statement, I would have to agree, we do need Living Well, Spending Less!
Thank you so much for this post. It is so nice to know that I'm not alone in this. So glad that I found this post today!
Found this post on Pinterest. Thank you so much. I know exactly what you mean! I am forever comparing myself to others and falling short. I appreciate the encouragement to be a little easier on myself!
Thank you for this wonderful reminder that we are not super women! I thought I was the only one who forgot about the dog outside! Lol
I found this page on a day that I expressed to my husband that I know I am about to have a breakdown - that I can feeling it coming and have been fighting it. It happens off and on. Sometimes I can stop it and sometimes it overtakes me. I feel like I am an alien in a crowed of otherwise perfect, happy, and overly cheerful people. Reading your blog put a lot of things in to perspective and gives me hope that I am not alone in my struggle. Thank you for putting into words what I am not able to. I hope it helps you through your struggles and I am certainly going to apply some of it to my life in an effort to help me through mine.
Ruth, I've been having similar feelings right now. It feels better to know I'm not alone. Still trying to find a balance with blogging, family, food, and clean up....
I think every blogger has that point where they hit the "wall" and struggle to continue. I am at that point right now. Hope you found your motivation and found balance, Angela!
Great Post. Thank you :)